Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Can a Straight Dude Wish Another Straight Dude "Happy Valentine's Day" Without It Being Weird?


So, about two minutes ago, I get an e-mail from a client.  At the end of the e-mail, he signs off with "Happy V-Day."  I have met this guy before.  Twice.  He's married and has kids, I'm married.  I have absolutely nothing against the gay community, I feel very comfortable with someone who is gay.  However, isn't it weird for a guy to wish another guy "Happy Valentine's Day" regardless of sexual orientation?  I think it's really weird.  We're not talking about New Years, Thanksgiving, or Christmas.  We're talkin' bout Valentine's Day (Allen Iverson voice).

I just thought that was weird and I'm not going to respond to it.  I'm going to pretend it didn't happen.

-Big Ran 

The Love That Could Have Been


Mon, Feb 13 2012
With more than 170 million album and single sales worldwide, deceased pop legend Whitney Houston -- who died Saturday in her Beverly Hills hotel room at the age of 48 -- had more than a few fans. So it shouldn't be surprising that there would be a few bad apples in the bunch.
Such as, oh, terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden.
Also read: Whitney Houston's Death Could Earn Dolly Parton a Bundle
Somehow lost in the nonstop Whitney Houston coverage since her demise is the fact that bin Laden was a rabid follower of the "I Will Always Love You" songbird -- at least according to poet and activist Kola Boof, who reportedly lived with the 9/11 orchestrator for several months on a Moroccan estate in 1996.
Also read: Whitney Houston Funeral May Take Place on Friday
In her memoir "Diary of a Lost Girl: The Autobiography of Kola Boof" -- which was excerpted by Harper's Bazaar in 2006 -- Boof recalls Bin Laden's fervor for Houston.
Also read: Grammys Honor Whitney Houston: "We've Had a Death in Our Family"
"He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston, and although he claimed music was evil he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar," Boof wrote. "It didn't seem impossible to me. He said he wanted to give Whitney Houston a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum. He explained to me that to possess Whitney he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives."
Also read: Whitney Houston Didn't Drown, Family Says (Report)
Of course, Houston was already married, to Bobby Brown, but bin Laden had a plan to take care of that, too -- he would simply have Brown rubbed out.
"Whitney Houston's name was the one that would be mention constantly. How beautiful she was, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women's husbands killed," Boof revealed.
Art one point, bin Laden went into a rage about Boof's braided hair, because -- yep -- Whitney Houston would never wear her locks like that.
"Osama said only monkeys braid their hair. He told me that the singer Whitney Houston was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and that she never wore her hair braided," Poof recalled. "'I want you to fix your hair like hers from now on,' he said. 'I can't put my fingers through it when it's braided.'”
Houston was found submerged in the bathtub of her Beverly Hilton hotel room by a member of her personal staff at approximately 3:30 p.m. on Saturday. Emergency responders arrived on the scene to find an unconscious and unresponsive Houston and unsuccessfully attempted to resuscitate her, a Beverly Hills Police Department spokesman said Monday. The singer was pronounced dead at 3:55 p.m.

I have a legitimate question...
Who would have been worse for Whitney?  Bobby Brown, who destroyed her career, got her addicted to drugs, and ultimately led to her death, or Osama Bin Laden, who would her given her a mansion in the suburbs (and maybe still orchestrated 9/11).  Tough to say right?  I mean, he was willing to cross his color barrier for her AND kill Bobby Brown.  That's dedication right there.  Now, granted, there's tons of opium and heroin that would have been easily accessible for Whitney, but at the same time, maybe she makes Bin Laden happy and he doesn't get a bee in his bonnet about the US.  I mean, she did have one of, if not the best, performance of the Star Spangled Banner of all time, so it's possible that she could have swayed him.  Ultimately, the more I think about it, is Bobby Brown at fault for 9/11 AND Whitney's death?  Did I also just insult the entire country?  Possibly "Yes" on both.
Wow.  That really gives me something to think about.


-Big Ran

PS:  This blog was #666 for us.  Kind of eerie how it was about Bin Laden, huh?  Bro ain't getting 72 virgins, that's for sure.

PPS:  Wouldn't you rather have 72 sluts than 72 virgins, anyway?  I would.  WAY less drama and crying.

Happy VD from Heidi Watney!



I just to say this:  If you work within earshot of KC, just listen for her while this video is playing in her cube.  I can virtually guarantee that this will put her in a terrible mood because she hates Heidi Watney with a fiery passion rarely seen.

I don't like her either, never did, and I can't exactly put my finger on why that is exactly.  She just seems to be the stereotypical bimbo sideline reporter, with the added bonus of her boning a bunch of the players.  That's some serious journalistic integrity right there.  Anyway, on to the pics from the night.


I will give Watney this, I wouldn't want to hang out with a dude in a turquoise t-shirt and a scarf no matter what was given to charity.
This woman on the left went for $650.  That's a deal and a half compared to $5,500 for Watney.  Also,  you could Dre the hell out of her dress (also known as a shark attack).  




The last pic is of Heidi and the gentleman that won the auction for $5,500.  That's a lot of cake to hang out with a broad.  I guess since it's for charity, my theory of spending less money for a really high class call girl wouldn't exactly translate.  The date includes batting practice before a Sox game, dinner at Jerry Remy's, and seats right behind home plate.  I would rather do all those things with my Dad, not Watney.  I bet she's just going to yammer the ENTIRE time and use it as a chance to bang out some more players while she's in town.

Have fun with the Lakers, Heidi.  Kobe's single now (not that that ever stopped him...or you).



-Big Ran

Stuck In My Head - Valentime's Day Edition



I really dig this jam, but I hadn't seen the actual video until this morning, yet it is oddly appropriate for Valentime's Day, huh?  Serendipitous or something to that effect.  Mustache Man just traveling through time, looking for love, sharing his lip tickler with the ladies (and lady boys) and chubbs gets the girl at the end.

I woke up at 3:30 in the morning today with this stuck in my head.  Here's my weird ass dream...

For some reason I was helping hippies plant some community garden or something, then was going back to their apartment to hang out.  They were all environmentally conscious, but insisted on driving like douche bags and racing me back.  They also drove a really old, beat up Ford Bronco.  Like OJ style, but spewing exhaust everywhere.  Then we got back to their pad and they told me to put on the radio and this song came on, clear as a bell.  Really friggin' weird.

I hope everyone enjoys their Valentime's Day and ladies, enjoy the lip tickler.

-Big Ran

Monday, February 13, 2012

Anyone Seen Tim Duncan Lately?


SAN ANTONIO -- Officers are searching Monday morning for an armed robbery suspect who they say left behind a big piece of evidence: his wallet.
Investigators said the man walked into the Planet K Texas in the 5600 block of Evers Street just before midnight on Sunday and threatened the clerk with a gun. The clerk handed over some cash, although the suspect didn't stuff it in his wallet.
Instead, police said the suspect hastily took off on foot, accidentally dropped his wallet in the adult novelty store.
Authorities searched the man's apartment and several vacant apartment with police dogs, but were unable to find the suspect. The man's parents told officers they haven't seen him in months.
Two witnesses were taken downtown for questioning.
Investigators said the suspected robber has warrants out for his arrest for armed robbery and burglary of a vehicle.
First of all, everyone knows you don't rob the porn store right across the street from your apartment complex.  That's like dating someone at work, that's only going to end badly.  You rob the porn shop across town.  Second of all, wouldn't you at lease take some porn while your there?  "Hey, stay cool and nobody get's shot.  Also, while you're back there, give me that french maid's outfit, those edible panties, and a copy of 'Lord of the Boobs 7."  I mean, you've already mustered up the guts to go through with the robbery AND go into a porn shop, might as well enjoy yourself while you're in hiding, right?  Anyone know the whereabouts of KC's boy, TIMMAY!?

-Big Ran

Enjoy Lunch, Everybody!

8 creepy mystery ingredients in fast food



MNN - Would you like a cow eyeball with your burger?

One of the more-enduring urban legends about McDonald’s is that their hamburgers contain cow eyeballs. While this has not proven to be the case, their Baked Hot Apple Pie does contain duck feathers, or at least an ingredient commonly derived from such. Truth can be just as strange as fiction.

How have duck feathers become a viable ingredient in apple pie? Welcome to the world of food additives. People have been adding flavors, spices, natural preservatives and ripening agents to food since antiquity. But as the popularity of highly processed food has risen dramatically since the 1950s, so has the astounding array of bizarre chemical additives used in food manufacturing. Fast-food recipes seem to be born more from the laboratory than from farm or field.

And although the powers that be deem these food-additive chemicals safe, the science fiction of it all is a bit unsettling. How do we come up with these things? Here are some of the wackiest of the bunch.

1. Duck feathers and human hair (l-cysteine)
You thought duck feathers sounded bad? How about human hair? These are the two most-common sources for l-cysteine, an amino acid used to condition dough for increased pliability, which facilitates better machine processing. CNN reported that most human-derived l-cysteine comes from Chinese women who help support their families by selling their locks to small chemical-processing plants.
Although originally the primary source for l-cysteine was human hair, many manufacturers seem to have moved away from hair-derived l-cysteine and on to the more-palatable duck feathers. According to Jeanne Yacoubou, MS, research editor for The Vegetarian Resource Group, 80 percent of l-cysteine is now derived from feathers. During her research, McDonald’s told Yacoubou that the l-cysteine used in its Baked Hot Apple Pie, as well as its Wheat Roll and Warm Cinnamon Roll, was of the duck-feather variety. Many other fast-food joints rely on l-cysteine in bakery products as well.

And not to be sensationalist here, the resultant additive is far-removed from its original source — but still. It may be disturbing to many, and importantly, may fly in the face of ethical or religious dietary restrictions.

2. Sand (silicon dioxide)
Avoiding sand in your sandwich at the beach is obvious, avoiding sand in your restaurant-purchased meal may not be so apparent.
Silicon dioxide, also known as silica (also known as sand!), is used to make glass, optical fibers, ceramics, and cement. Oh, and chili. Used as an anti-caking agent, it is often added to processed beef and chicken to prevent clumping, and is listed in the ingredient panels for chili from both Wendy’s and Taco Bell. Most experts suggest that it isn’t harmful for consumption, but just know that the ingredient keeping that chili meat nice and non-caking is the also the primary component of diatomceous earth, commonly used as a pesticide.

3. Wood (cellulose)
Processed wood pulp, known as cellulose, is used in everything from cheese to salad dressing, from muffins to strawberry syrup. Food processors use it to thicken and stabilize foods, replace fat and boost fiber content — as well as to minimize reliance on more costly ingredients like oil or flour. Powdered cellulose is produced by cooking virgin wood pulp in chemicals to separate the cellulose, and then purified. Modified versions require extra processing, such as exposure to acid in order to further break down the fiber.

Ironically, with the increase in nutritional awareness has come an increase in the use of cellulose — with the addition of wood pulp, products can boast of less fat and more fiber. Just don’t mind the wood.

McDonalds, Taco Bell, KFC, Sonic, Pizza Hut, Wendy’s, Arby’s, Jack in the Box, andmany others include cellulose in their repertoire.

4. Silly Putty plastic (dimethylpolysiloxane)
Eight-syllable ingredients make sense for Silly Putty, but French fries? Sure enough, dimethylpolysiloxane, a form of silicone used in cosmetics and Silly Putty, is also found in many a fast-food fried thing. It is the secret ingredient that keeps fryer oil from foaming. McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish and French fries have it, as do Wendy’s Natural-Cut Fries With Sea Salt. In fact, most fast-food items that bathe in a deep-fat fryer are imbued with a hint of dimethylpolysiloxane. Should you be concerned? The World Health Organization found no adverse health effects associated with dimethylpolysiloxane, but come on — what’s wrong with using potatoes, oil, and salt for fries?

5. Petroleum-derived preservatives (TBHQ)
Tertiary butylhydroquinone (TBHQ) is made from compounds derived from petroleum and finds a home in cosmetic and skincare products, varnish, lacquers and resins — and processed food. McDonald’s, for example, uses it in 18 products ranging from their Fruit and Walnut Salad to Griddle Cakes to McNuggets.

TBHQ was finally approved after many years of pressure from food manufacturers, though with approval, the FDA mandated that the chemical must not exceed 0.02 percent of a food’s oil and fat content. Why would there be a limit? Because five grams would be lethal, while one gram can cause nausea, vomiting, delirium, a sense of suffocation and collapse. (Although you would have to eat more than 11 pounds of McNuggets to reach that level. And if you're willing to eat 11 pounds of McNuggets in one sitting, well...)

6. Soil fertilizer (ammonium sulfate)
Ammonium sulfate is sold by chemical companies to food manufacturers as “yeast food for bread,” and many fast-food companies list the ingredient in their bakery products.
But that’s just its night job; when ammonium sulfate is not moonlighting as a food additive, it performs its main task: as a fertilizer for alkaline soils. Ammonium sulfate also does duty as an agricultural spray adjuvant for water soluble insecticides, herbicides and fungicides.

7. Beetle juices (carminic acid, confectioner's glaze)
Food dyes approved by the FDA include colors synthesized from petroleum derivatives and coal tar, but with all of the negative attention paid to artificial food color, natural dyes are on the rise. Yet some food dyes based on natural ingredients come from things that you may not care to ingest. Meet carminic acid, a commonly used red food coloring that comes from the dried, crushed bodies of female scale insects called cochineal. Variously known as Cochineal, Cochineal Extract, Carmine, Crimson Lake, Natural Red 4, C.I. 75470, E120 — it is used in a wide variety of products ranging from some meat, sausages, processed poultry products, marinades, bakery products, toppings, cookies, desserts, icings, pie fillings, jams, preserves, gelatins, juices, drinks, dairy products, sauces and dessert products.

From the same family of the cochineal comes the Lac beetle, which is the source of shellac — as in wood-primer-and-varnish shellac. The female beetle secretes a resin that is scraped from trees in Southeast Asia and Mexico. The resin is collected and processed into a shiny coating to be donned by a variety of foods, including candy, vitamins, pills, tablets, capsules, chocolate and waxed fresh fruit. You won’t find beetle excretions on the ingredients list, however, look for its aliases: Confectioner's Glaze, Resinous Glaze, Shellac, Pharmaceutical Glaze, Pure Food Glaze, Natural Glaze, or Lac-Resin.

8. Meat paste-goop (mechanically separated meat)
Mechanically separated meat (MSM) has been produced since the 1960s, but has been enjoying new fame lately courtesy of a photo making the rounds which shows an industrial machine extruding a plump ribbon of pink paste into a box. It is commonly referred to as “pink slime.” Looking more like frosting than pureed meat and bone bits, the FDA defines mechanically separated poultry (MSP) as “a paste-like and batter-like poultry product produced by forcing bones, with attached edible tissue, through a sieve or similar device under high pressure to separate bone from the edible tissue.” Mechanically separated pork is used too, although in 2004 to protect consumers against Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, mechanically separated beef was considered inedible and prohibited for use as human food.

After the meat slurry has been produced, it is sometimes treated with ammonium hydroxide to remove excess bacteria. Ammonium hydroxide is also used as a household cleaner and in fertilizers. Since the resultant meat-bone-muscle-tendon-ammonium-hydroxide goop doesn’t taste much like meat, artificial flavors are added to finish the whole thing off.

Mechanically separated meat is to blame for a number of processed meat products; think hot dogs, salami, bologna, burgers and many a chicken nugget. Fast-food restaurants are known for employing pink slime, although recently McDonald’s made clear that it no longer relies upon it in its burgers.

Generally recognized as safe (GRAS)
These four little words seem to have become the FDA mantra when it comes to food additives; all of the above ingredients, and an expansive array of other chemical additives, have been generally recognized as safe in scientific studies. Taken out of context and looked at individually, maybe a little ammonium sulfate here and a petroleum product there aren’t going to cause quantitative damage to lab animals. But if you were to add up all of the chemical ingredients consumed during a life of a fast-food fueled western diet, what would that look like? Would it look like an epidemic of obesitydiabetes or cancer?

Michael Pollan's advice, "Don't eat anything your grandmother wouldn't recognize as food" never seemed so appealing.

Big Papi and Sox Agree to $14.75M



Not a bad day at the office.  Let me say this:  If I am offered $14.75M, there isn't much I wouldn't do.  Especially when the job is six months a year and you literally just stroll up to the plate four or five times a game.


Buster Olney 
Sources: There is a settlement in the David Ortiz case, for the midpoint of $14.575 m. He had wanted 16.5m, club had offered 12.65m.

So, Being Fat, Drunk, and Stupid May Be The Way to Go Through Life?


Turns Out Being Drunk and Sleepy Can Do Wonders for Your Creativity


Lifehacker Common sense (and your irrational compulsion to, you know, keep your job) says drinking at work—or working when you're groggy—are bad news. But as Wired's Jonah Lehrer points out, recent studies reveal that being sleeping and/or drunk is great for creativity. Here's why:
When you're solving problems, your brain is built to shine a spotlight on what it considers relevant, ignoring ideas and connections that aren't likely solutions to your problem. This is a good thing, since without that focus your mind would be flooded with loads of irrelevant information when attempting to solve a simple task, and for what Lehrer calls standard analytic problems, that kind of focus is essential. When it comes to creative problem solving, however, your brain does better without that focus.
To demonstrate, researches presented two groups—one of which consisted of patients with severe attention deficits caused by damage to their prefrontal lobes—with puzzles. When presented with the more creatively challenging problem, the patients suffering from attention deficits performed significantly better:
In this case, only 43 percent of normal subjects were able to solve the problem. The patients who couldn't pay attention, however, had an 82 percent success rate. What accounts for this bizarre result? Why does brain damage dramatically improve performance on a hard creative task? ...The patients with a severe cognitive deficit... can't restrict their search. They are forced by their brain injury to consider a much wider range of possible answers. And this is why they're nearly twice as likely to have a breakthrough.
A second, similar study presented creative and analytic problems to groggy students, and a third did the same with drunk students. Like the patients with pre-frontal lobe damage, the tired and drunk students consistently performed better on creative problems. Lehrer sums it up nicely
The stupor of alcohol, like the haze of the early morning, makes it harder for us to ignore those unlikely thoughts and remote associations that are such important elements of the imagination. So the next time you are in need of insight, avoid caffeine and concentration. Don't chain yourself to your desk. Instead, set the alarm a few minutes early and wallow in your groggy thoughts. And if that doesn't work, chug a beer.
This explains quite a bit about how I actually progressed professionally through my early and mid twenties.  However, now I'm 32 and hate being hungover or tired.  If I go to bed after midnight I am useless.  How much would you pay for George Costanza's bed/desk?  I think I would easily drop $500, maybe $1,000.


-Big Ran



So The Grammys Looked Awesome



I'm really sorry I missed this performance.  However, it was nice to see KC hit the YouTube comments under a few different screen names.  I wonder if this was before or after he gave her a ruphiecolada.


Top Comments

  • adam levine is the sexiest man alive. OF COURSE I LOVE YOU, you dont even have to ask.
    Adam was sooo amazing and he looked very,very sexy in his suit. ♥♥Wait... he always looks sexy,what am I saying ;) ?! Great Job ^.^

Stuck In My Head - Otis Edition



Yo, happy b-day shout out to my dog, Otis.  For real, my dog, he's three today.

-Big Ran