Cock-a-Doodle-Doo!

Cockfighting Raid in California Uncovers Children Living in sheds, $1M Meth Stash

LOS ANGELES –  Sheriff's deputies serving a search warrant at a cockfighting operation near Los Angeles found children as young as four living in squalid sheds and a methamphetamine stash worth $1 million.

Authorities also recovered 100 roosters and several firearms during the raid at the site in Antelope Valley, Calif., the Los Angeles Times reported.

Police arrested six adults on suspicion of narcotics violations.

The seven children, aged between four and 17 years, were turned over to child welfare officials.

Read more

I wasn't planning on blogging tonight, but then I stumbled upon this. When I first saw the headline, I thought I had accidentally logged onto "TheOnion.com", not "FoxNews.com". I double-checked and saw that I was indeed on the Fox News website and naturally had to open the link.

How could this be? Calfornia? Had it just been a meth stash uncovered,  I would have believed it. Had it been dog-fighting, I could have believed it. Had sheds not been mentioned, I could have believed it. But with cockfighting and children living in sheds, I would have said West Virginia, Arkansas, or one of those other 'odd' states. How could ALL three of these things happen in any one place, especially in Los Angeles!? I know it's a major city with typical issues; drugs, poverty, violence, joblessness, etc, but roosters? Cockfighting? And kids in sheds? This just doesn't make any sense to me. Did the kids think that the roosters were just their pets? Also, who was on meth? The adults, kids, or even better, the roosters? I have a very active imagination, and this story just set it off!

As I read further and noticed that the actual site of the raid was a place called "Antelope Valley", it started to make a little more sense. So, with that being said, I'd like to ask all news sources to be more specific when reporting the "where" at the beginning of a story. Antelope Valley  (read more about it  by clicking here!) is probably as similar to Los Angeles as Pittsfield, MA (the boonies, Western Massachusetts!) is to Boston!

On a side note, any time I hear about cockfighting (it's infrequent, but every time it DOES come up), I remember the episode of Seinfeld where Kramer has a 'pet' rooster involved in a cockfighting ring. Hilarious. Almost as hilarious as my mental image of what was going on in Antelope Valley. I know Big Ran will remember this and agree with me.

-KC Jones

The Boston Red Frauds

Yup, keep smiling, dickheads.

Look at these three jerk offs.  You're looking at three of the major reasons the 2011 Red Sox imploded.  I'm not going to go into all of the details of the Globe story about the epic collapse, so I'll just hit a few of the highlights.

First of all, it is so amazingly clear, that someone from upper management or ownership of the Red Sox fed the Globe all this information, that I am frankly, disgusted.  The Globe is owned by The New York Times, which is a part owner of the Red Sox.  Yeah, that doesn't seem shady at all, does it?  That's like GM owning NBC or Westinghouse owning CBS.  You think those news outlets will ever let management of those companies look bad?  Yeah, me neither.  Seeing as how the article made the players and Terry Francona look awful, so I'm thinking I smell a management rat.

Secondly, the stories about Beckett, Lackey, Lester, and Buchholz crushing beers and fried chicken in the club house during games?  Friggin' priceless.  Beckett is an overpaid diva that isn't consistent enough to be called an ace and is amazingly high maintenance.  Lackey is just awful in every way.  The best thing that ever happened to his wife was him filing for divorce.  Lester is a major disappointment here.  He referred to Francona as a "second father," so I sure hope he feels like crap over what happened.  I just think Buchholz is dumb and would do anything an older player told him to do like they were a cool kid in high school.  Way to stay in shape as a professional athlete and support your teammates.

The part that really chapped my ass was the fact that someone fed The Globe stories about Francona being separated from his wife all season, abusing pain killers, and how that affected his job.  I call total bullshit on that.  Today, Francona acknowledged that he and his wife are separated and were for the entire season.  So, I guess that his separation from his wife affected him for the first 12 games of the season and the last month, but not the four months in the middle of the season when they were the best team in baseball.  Not sure about that logic.

Francona also addressed the pain killer topic.  He said that he was given pain killers due to a recent knee surgery and took them to deal with the pain of having blood being drained from his knee five times during the season.  He also said that one of his kids came across the pills and asked him about them, so Francona went to the team doctor to see if it was still OK for him to be taking them.  The doctor said absolutely.  So, as I have said before, I am a huge Tito Francona supporter, so to keep it simple, here's what I say to whoever was feeding these tories to The Globe:  Eat sh!t and die.

I guess we just wait for the Red Sox smear campsign of Theo Epstein next week.

Tito is my homeboy.

-Big Ran

Irrational Rant....Who's Your Daddy?

Tori Spelling has been on my mind ever since I heard about her giving birth to her third pony, oops, I mean child. This is an irrational rant, but most people probably despise this broad as much as I do. Try as I might, I cannot find ANYTHING redeeming about her. From her horse-like features, to her emaciated body (allegedly because you're 'stressed'), to her home-wrecking tendencies that resulted in her current marriage to the BIGGEST TOOL in the chest, to her HORRIFIC INABILITY to act & everything in between, I just need to vent. I also wanted to let her know that on the next "World Population Day", she's going to be on my chopping blog...oops, I mean block! (Get it? Yup, I'm awesome)....

She should thank the Lord God each night that she is Aaron Spelling's daughter, or else she'd most likely be working at Forever 21 right now, trying to save money for her next cosmetic procedure.She was horrible as Violet Ann Bickerstaff, atrocious as Donna Martin, and even more offensive in her biggest role as a human being (or barnyard animal--the DNA test results haven't been revealed yet). I don't know about you, but even though I get sucked into trashy reality TV, I can proudly say that I've NEVER seen her show and NEVER will (except when it's been mocked ruthlessly on "The Soup").

I hope Big Ran already ate breakfast! At least the bump takes away from the bump growing out of her neck.

When breast augmentation goes horribly wrong...again, on the positive side, at least this takes away from her face!

"Donna Martin Graduates!" I guess that's what happens when you're daddy is the creator of the show.... Good thing is that after serving his time lip-locking on screen with Mrs. Ed, Brian Austin Green ended up with Megan Fox....

As Violet Anne Bickerstaff, Screech's love interest in "Saved by the Bell"...no coincidence her father was a producer/writer for this show as well, right? Sadly, this was probably when she was at her best! P.S.- Hey Brian Austin Green, I guess this means you've made out with Dustin Diamond as well--contact the CDC!!

There are so many other things I could say, but the pictures speak 1000 words, and I think they really drive the point home, so that is all...

-KC Jones

They Like Us, They REALLY Like Us, Part 2

I'm going to be honest, I read Christine's e-mail like four times, then read KC's post another couple of times before I realized that Christine actually designed an phone app.  So, first, that kind of blew my mind.  Let's put it this way, I use twitter just to creep on people and don't check the ol' facebook that often, so the fact that Christine designed her own app makes her approximately 870% more likely to make a respectable living than I am.

With that said, whatever helps people out is good in my book and that will be something slightly different for everyone.

For me, I can get pretty competitive and love doing things out of spite.  For example, if someone tells me they don't think I can do something, then forget it, I will make it happen.  Not so much to improve myself or do something positive, but so that I will force you to be wrong and look like a schmuck.  I've got problems.  Last year, our company had an employee fitness challenge.  Four of us from our office joined because we planned on crushing people.  I didn't really care that I would be working out more and in better shape, I wanted to win, and I wanted to make other teams feel bad about themselves in the process.  I have the mind set of a professional athlete with none of the ability, so at least I have that going for me.

So, Christine, I would say what you are doing sounds great because it will certainly work for a certain sect of people.  Ultimately, if it helps people achieve goals, it is a success. 

 

-Big Ran

PS:  If you get rich off this app, can I holler at you?  Can I holla, can I holla, can I holla?

P.P.S. With Big Ran's comment, "For me, I can get pretty competitive and love doing things out of spite.", I know that there is NOTHING else I can offer. See why we've been friends for so long? It's simply out of spite since I told him we wouldn't be!

Tuesday Trivia...

Straw Poll.......

I've heard this phrase so many times in regards to politics, but I have no idea what it means or where it comes from. I always mean to research it, but then something more interesting (like watching paint dry), comes up.

However, I feel that I owe it to myself, and more importantly, to Big Ran & our "Takeover" readers to shed some light on this mystery. I also owe it to our blog readers to get back to some of our regularly scheduled posts, such as "Tuesday Trivia"....so, here we go!

See below for Wikipedia's definition and explanation (because we all know Wikipee is ALWAYS the most reliable source!)


A straw poll or straw vote is a vote with nonbinding results. Straw polls provide dialogue among movements within large groups, reflecting trends like organization and motivation.^[1][2] In meetings subject to rules of order, impromptu straw polls often are taken to see if there is enough support for an idea to devote more meeting time to it, and (when not a secret ballot) for the attendees to see who is on which side of a question. 

However, Robert's Rules of Order prohibits straw polls, calling them "meaningless and dilatory" because they subvert the deliberative charge of deliberative bodies.^[3] Among political bodies, straw polls often are scheduled for events at which many people interested in the polling question can be expected to vote. Sometimes polls conducted without ordinary voting controls in place (i.e., on an honor system, such as in online polls) are also called "straw polls".

The idiom may allude to a straw (thin plant stalk) held up to see in what direction the wind blows, in this case, the wind of group opinion.^[4][5][6] Other possible origins include allusion to the insignificance of straw as in "straw man".^[7]



So basically, it is nothing more than a creatively named survey....which is huge waste of time in reality. Clearly these are useless as an August 'straw poll' for the 2012 Republican Primary showed Michele Bachman winning.  Hmmmm...now, I'm not a fan of Obama, but I can say that if that looney tune winning were a real possibility , I'd be out campaigning for him right now!

Ok, so now that that great mystery has been solved, I'm going to get back to some slightly more interesting things....like staring around my gray cube walls.

-KC Jones

They Like Us, They REALLY Like Us!

We've been meaning to talk about this for a while, but both Big Ran & myself have been getting SLAMMED with a pesky little thing called work. Anyway, I logged into our "Gmail" account that's connected to this blog, and I was as giddy as a kid at Christmas when I read the following email:

Hi The takeover,

I was reading your blog today and wonder if I could get your opinion on a diet/fitness app I am working on ?

For me, I think the main problem with being healthy is motivation. It's an abstract, overwhelming goal. I think the best way to counter this is to turn it into winnable games and small victories.

So… my app makes living healthy, and fitness into a RPG game, where users earn points, and "level up' as they accomplish their health goals. Everytime they add something healthy like veggies to their diet, they earn points. Everytime they complete a workout, they earn points. As they achieve more and more, they'll level up and unlock badges, and discounts/coupons to rewards like spas, health foods, etc.

There'll be challenges, which will get harder as people level up. And it'll follow a certain structure. First will come changing your environment such as getting rid of all junk food. Then, reducing stress, as stress leads to eating comfort food.

The whole point is to turn it into a game so people will rely less on willpower, and more on fun, achievement, and changing our environment.

What's your opinion on this idea? Would you want to know when I'm done with it? If this sounds too silly, or absurd, just ignore what I just said, hehe =)

Best, Christine

If you are sitting there, scratching your head right now, reading, and re-reading this email and trying to make some sense of it, you are certainly not alone. I had no idea what was going on when I saw it, and when I shot Big Ran an email, his response was simply, "Is this for real? Is this a real person asking this?". To the best of our knowledge, it's legit....too legit to quit...and while we are flattered that someone tangled in the World Wide Web would WANT our opinion, we're not sure if we're in the position to supply it in regards to this particular issue. 

However, as we always, we'd like to take turns supplying come commentary....

1. First off, I'd like to say that the salutation is pretty awesome...scroll back up if you missed it....wait for it...wait for it...YUP! "Hi The Takeover". Ummmm....we blog under pen names (to protect the innocent & the guilty, namely, ourselves), but apparently that little factoid was missed in our postings. So Christine, "The Takeover" says "hi!" to you as well.

2. Next, the topic of the email is awesome in that this blog is just about us being jerks, and having good times. We're not necessarily technologically savvy, and I for one can barely run the apps on my Blackberry, let alone comment or weigh in about the development of apps! I'm left wondering if maybe she was reading a different blog and then somehow got confused and emailed us instead.

3. The topic "diet and fitness" is another thing that I find to be quite ironic because, although I do go to the gym, I bitch about it continuously and only go to support my billy goat-like eating habits. So, while I agree with your statement that "the main problem with being healthy is motivation. It's an abstract, overwhelming goal. I think the best way to counter this is to turn it into winnable games and small victories." there's absolutely NOTHING I can offer here. And when you look at the fact that my "small victories & winnable games" include one pumpkin muffin at Dunkin Donuts instead of two, and eating a salad WITH my 4 pieces of pizza, I'm sure I'm not the best spokesperson for this app and/or idea. However, when you get it up and running, I could probably benefit from it greatly.

4. I will state, that in my humble opinion, winning abstract points in a fake game will do nothing for me in my quest to adjust and control my eating habits. Now, if you can REALLY follow through with your plan to develop an app that will reward me with Spa Days, (and may I suggest  Naps, Cash Prizes, & a ruggedly handsome new boyfriend) then I'm all in. I derive no satisfaction in life from simply "doing it for myself". Like a dog, I rely on positive reinforcement, complete with treats. It's most likely because I have almost ZERO willpower....which is again why I have no business weighing in (no pun intended), on your idea.

5. Lucky for me, the only thing that DOES stop my ravenous feeding frenzies is a good stressful spell in my life. I know a lot of people are stress eaters, but unfortunately, I'm a stress skeleton. This being said, it makes me even less equipped to supply my thoughts/opinions.

So Christine, while I sincerely thank you for reaching out to us and valuing our opinion (on purpose or by accident), I'm sure we, myself specifically, are the worst people to be asking about this. However, I do hope that you will continue to read, knowing that everything we write is intended to be funny, AND, when you get your app up and running, please let us know and maybe we can give you a little shout out here at "The Takeover"!

Big Ran, you're up next dude....

-KC Jones

Evacuate the Dance Floor....

For me, 2011 will be called "The Worst Year of My Life (Thus Far!)" OR "The Year of the Weddings". At 32, I will have attended more weddings in one 12 month span than I've ever ever attended in any other calendar year. Six! That's right, six! And all since my Ponzi scheme of a relationship was revealed! Naturally! Just what I want to do, celebrate love while trying to recover from the lying, cheating, & betrayal I've suffered unknowingly over the past 3 years! But, I am truly happy for these couples...they deserve to be happy in love and I remain hopeful that one day I will be that blessed as well.

Anyway, I digress....the purpose of this post is much more important than rehashing what happened or talking about love...it is my attempt to stop future couples from ruining their wedding receptions with horrible musical selections. We've all been there---a wedding where horrifically annoying songs are being played, with older people having the 'best day ever', doing "The Chicken Dance", and drunken people attempting the "YMCA", which never, ever, ever should have ever been aired on the radio to begin with.

So, without further adieu, I'd like to present my new playlist that's not really a playlist because these songs should NEVER be played....ever....

"Evacuate the Dance Floor Mix: Songs That Will Ruin Your Special Day"
1. "The Chicken Dance"-I'm pretty sure that if I go to Hell when I die, this will be playing on repeat for all of eternity. There is just NO need for this little ditty, EVER. Honestly, it makes me want to PUNCH and KICK barnyard animals the second I hear it.
   

2. "YMCA"- Or ANYTHING else by "The Village People". Again, someone should have realized there was something very wrong with this original "Motley Crue". Am I the only one listening to the lyrics? What is going on here? Why do some people rush to the floor like this is God's gift to their eardrums? I can't answer any of the many questions that come to mind. All I know is that I feel like balling up in the fetal position and hiding under the table whenever this comes on at a reception or elsewhere. Sadly, I am unable to link to the ORIGINAL video in all of it's colorful goodness, but this will have to do....

3. "The Electric Slide"-This was cool at middle school dances. After that, we all grew up and realized how stupid it was. If you are getting married & do not realize how stupid it is, you probably aren't old enough to be getting hitched in the first place. If this comes on at any point at any weddings I attend, I am sure to stand close to the dance floor with a couple of friends and make fun of the people who are busting a move to it.


4. "The Macarena" - This is terrible. First of all, it sounds like young girls are singing it, except for the chorus, which is old men (the one of the left looks like Bernie Madoff---adding even more drama to the situation)...therefore, it's essentially a duet between young girls and grown men...so maybe R.Kelly could do a remix of it. The video really adds to the mess as some of the women look like trannies & the lip syncing is just unreal. Apparently they couldn't negotiate the child labor laws to allow the real singers to appear in the video. This song makes me want to hang myself, or at the very least, puncture my eardrums with a sharp object. Rest assured that I will not stand for this at my wedding. (It's also worth mentioning that Big Ran did not have any of this b/s at his either!).



5. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" (and all other songs by Cyndi Lauper)--Truthfully, this should be #1 on the list, because if the DJ at my wedding even ATTEMPTS to play this song, he will be fired immediately. It will be the #1 song on my 'do not play' list and God help the person who cons the DJ into playing it as a joke. I will NOT be a Bridezilla, but hearing this tune would literally ruin my entire day, and possibly life. I despise Cyndi Lauper, she's just terrible, she's gross, and this song (and video) just brings back the 80's---a decade we are all so happy to have escaped from. Note to all brides; if you truly do believe 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun', remember that playing this song ruins the fun for everyone! Also, it should be noted that Miley Cyrus' version of the song is just as bad...maybe even worse!


6. "Cotton Eyed Joe"-WHAT?! First off, how did this song even come into being? Secondly, this would only be appropriate at a hoedown, not a wedding (ok MAYBE a wedding in Arkansas) or other celebration of love. If it were possible to have a fatal reaction to a song, this would be the one that would do it for me. As a matter of fact, I've considered tucking an Epi-Pen away in my purse each time I go to a wedding just in case this starts playing and I stop breathing. Unacceptable.


7. "Achy Breaky Heart"- If your last name is Cyrus, if your genre is country, and/or if your song is associated with a stupid dance, then you're not being played at my wedding. Just so happens that Mr. Billy Ray Cyrus fits all of the above criteria. I don't have to say any more.


8. "Shout"- One word: Stupid. I don't want to see people 'getting low' to anything except the Lil' Jon song, and I think that for the generation that is really into this song, it's far to risky for them to spin down & get 'a little bit softer now'. There's a decent chance they're not getting back up, and an even better chance that an orthopedic surgeon will need to be invited to the wedding.


9. ANYTHING BY "ABBA"- Warning-if Abba is played, there will be a firing squad waiting outside for the DJ. This cannot be considered unfair punishment as it will be CLEARLY listed on the "Do Not Play" list supplied prior to entering into a contract with me. Abba is awful & makes me want to nuke the otherwise awesome country that exported them. Hearing their songs is the equivalent to the horror of what I can only imagine a Vietnam Flashback to be.


10. ANYTHING BY JIMMY BUFFET- Nothing says wedding reception like a Jimmy Buffet song, right? WRONG! Big Ran, as mentioned in a prior post forgot to note this ban on his "DNP" list for his reception, and guess what? One of his awesome friends who couldn't make it to the wedding called in a long distance request for a Buffet song! YUP! I will never forget the look of torture on his face. I'd have to agree with Big Ran....although I do not hate him as much, I agree that there is no place for his songs at a wedding reception.

So, there you have it. This is just a small list----my REAL "DNP" list will be much longer and more detailed. I cannot risk hearing things like "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone" by Paula Cole, or "Constant Craving" by K.D. Lang. In an ideal world, I'd feature rap & hip hop on heavy rotation, mixed with pop, and a little alternative. So what if my husband & I walk into a Linkin Park song and the first dance is to "Yeah!" by Usher & Lil' Jon? As long as my groom can dance, I see no problem with that!


-KC Jones

There's No Wrong Way To Eat A Reese's...

...unless you end up getting arrested!

Just when you think that Reese's Peanut Butter Cups couldn't get any better, you're stumbling across this story:

The Braves traded Jordan Schafer to Houston despite believing he could still be a valuable part of their future because they were able to land a proven veteran, Michael Bourn, in return. But Schafer’s future just got a little more cloudy.

The Astros’ center fielder and former Braves’ top prospect was arrested early Tuesday in Tampa on a felony marijuana possession charge.

The St. Petersburg Times first reported Schafer was arrested at 1:59 a.m. at the address for The Cheesecake Factory restaurant. He was released from jail at 5:15 a.m. on $2,000 cash bond.

Schafer was found in possession of 25.9 grams of marijuana. In the state of Florida, more than 20 grams is considered a third-degree felony. According to the police report, officers conducted a traffic stop after smelling what seemed to be marijuana coming out of Schafer’s car, and upon pulling him over found him with a joint in his hand.

An email to a Times reporter from the Tampa Police Dept. indicated officers also found “three small Marijuana peanut butter cups which contained 247.8 milligrams of Marijuana, according to its packaging.”

http://blogs.ajc.com/jeff-schultz-blog/2011/10/04/ex-brave-jordan-schafer-arrested-on-felony-marijuana-charge/

I'm going to be handing these out to parents on Halloween, and I'm pretty sure many will be thanking me. Little Timmy can get all coked up and off the wall from his regular candy while Mom and/or Dad can snack on a pot laced peanut butter cup and just slide into a place of relaxation. It's a win, win.....

Also, is anyone REALLY surprised about the mention of Schafer being at "The Cheesecake Factory"? HELLO? It's called 'the munchies' and for my money, it doesn't get any better than their cheesecake!

Dude should have been smarter and done this at home--driving around high on pot or anything else is never a good idea, however, this seems to be a fairly small issue in comparison to some of the stunts other professional athletes are pulling/have pulled over the years...

Also, is it just me, or does Jordan Schafer look like he could be related to Eminem? Maybe a cousin?

-KC Jones

This is Why We Can't Have Anything Nice.....

I know I've used this title for at least one earlier post, but it's true....and ridiculously appropriate for this story...

8 Shot After Gang Argument at Dallas Rap Contest

DALLAS - Police say eight people have been shot after rival gangs confronted each other during a Dallas nightclub's rap competition, and at least one person is critically injured.

Dallas police say the incident started around 2:30 a.m. Saturday at the Rolls Royce club when members of one gang pulled guns and began firing.

Police spokeswoman Melinda Gutierrez says conditions of the victims range from fair to critical. She didn't have additional information. No arrests have been made.

Online police reports allege that a 22-year-old man was about to take the stage when he began arguing with a man, who shot the 22-year-old three times before firing into the crowd.

The reports say a 23-year-old man shot in both legs was in critical condition but able to tell officers about the suspects.

 

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/10/08/8-shot-after-gang-argument-at-dallas-rap-contest/?test=latestnews#ixzz1aI3Ebvlh

1. First off, to the person who wrote this, kudos for using the word 'argument' in the headline. I don't think I've ever heard an altercation between gangs/gang members called something so innocent, but I love it.

2. Dallas? I always imagined the home of the Mavericks & Mark Cuban to be full of cowboys & country music...not hip hop & gangs! Although I never really thought about it, this story helps me understand why DeShawn Stevenson is so happy playing for the Mavs. This is even better for him as the NBA Lockout does not appear to be ending anytime soon!

  

3. Why can't we have establishments with names like 'The Rolls Royce Club" up here in the Boston area? Surely Boston SHOULD have more street cred than Dallas, right? Apparently not!

-KC Jones

Stuck In My Head

There's just no way I'm going to be able to sleep tonight with this  blast from the past on replay in the IPod of my mind....it's been there since I went to the gym this afternoon, and it continues....

It's "Cash Money", better known as "Lil' Wayne's Springboard into Hip Hop Success"....

This song is addictive...from the beat, to the hook, to Lil' Wayne's teeth! (Yes! He really DID have them before the syzurp, or however you say it, and hard core drugs rotted them out and they were replaced by grillz). The video version is nothing compared to the unedited version. However, in case we have any young "Takeover" subscribers, I wanted to keep this family friendly....

That's all I have to say for now...it is getting late and I am getting old...stay tuned for a couple of nice posts in the next couple of days......I've gotta make sure I'm giving our blog the love it deserves...

-KC Jones

Where's Whitey.....

I love Halloween---mainly because I'm a swine and love to eat candy. But, as an added bonus, this year is going to feature a plethora of crazy people dressed up like everyone's favorite Boston Mobster, Whitey Bulger! Now, this is a very simple costume as reported on the news, but it's apparently extremely popular. All it entails is an orange prison jumpsuit with the name "Whitey"on the back. The costume is available at IParty, and I'm loving the fact that the guy in the pic on the package looks like he's awaiting a chalk outline....just sayin'....Also, from the front, this dude isn't convincing me that he's Whitey at all...

Maybe I should think this is clever or funny, but I don't. I actually think if the following costume was sold with the name "Whitey" on the back, it would be FAR funnier, ironic, and appropriate:

Yup! That's right! I'm thinking a "Where's Waldo?" costume would be extremely funny if "Whitey" could be inscribed on the back. Seriously. Dude was on the lamb for how many years? And, like Waldo, who is always right under your nose in the pictures, Whitey was as well....actually, even Waldo was easier to find than him.....

I don't know why I'm blogging about this, but it just popped into my mind while watching the news story on it....and I'm kind of happy that I did, because while goggling images for "Where's Waldo Costumes", this picture came up.....and I can't even begin to imagine how it got pulled into my search....I don't have a clue as to what this is, but I DO know that I'm going to order it and have it shipped to Big Ran as an early birf'day present, just so he can wear it on Halloween.....

 -KC Jones

A Sad Day for Comedy

Palin decides not to run for president in 2012

Sarah Palin, whose summer bus tour raised speculation that she would seek the Republican presidential nomination, announced tonight that she will not run, settling the GOP field one day after Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey announced that he would not enter the race.

Palin, the former Alaska governor and 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee, made the announcement in a telephone interview on the Mark Levin Show, a conservative talk radio program.

She said that while she would not seek the presidency, she wants to stay active in the national scene as a supporter of conservative causes and candidates.

“I believe I can be more effective and more aggressive in this mission in a supportive role,” she said. “We’ll see what the future holds in terms of me personally in a political career.”

A Palin candidacy had seemed an increasingly unlikely proposition in recent weeks. Republican leaders had said it would have been very difficult for her to set up a national organization and qualify for the ballot at this late stage in the primary.

The enthusiasm for a Palin presidential run also seemed to wane with the emergence of Representative Michele Bachmann of Minnesota and Georgia businessman Herman Cain, candidates who also appeal to Palin’s socially conservative, Tea Party base.

But even as the once ubiquitous firebrand seemed to slide from the national stage, she had refused to rule out running for the White House. Her cross-country bus tour of historic sites this summer only intensified speculation that she might run.

Speaking tonight, Palin said she had reached the decision after careful consideration. “I do want to assure you that this has been prayerfully considered,” Palin said.

She said that, by not running, it would be easier for her to speak her mind and “branch out” as an activist. Decrying what she called “crony capitalism,” she said she would remain involved in “this mission to help wake up America to what’s going on in our country.”

How devastated is the, crew, and writers of SNL?  Honestly, if I worked there, I would be poishing up my resume, because now what's the point?  Tina Fey is probably relieved, but her paycheck for the next year will be cut in half.

-Big Ran

The Only Good Thing to Come Out of the 2011 Season

I don't even need to cover the Sox collapse, because really, what's the point?  Looking back on the season, this is the only thing worthwhile to come from it.  This should replace Sweet Caroline.

-Big Ran

F*CK YEAH, TITO!

John Henry...BLOW ME.

Tom Werner...BLOW ME.

Larry Lucchino...BLOW ME.

Terry Francona can manage my team any day.

-Big Ran

The Big Easy Omissions

Man, I forgot a couple good things from my boring New Orleans post.

First of all, if you haven't been to New Orleans, you need to know that open containers are all good there.  So, you can buy drinks in a bar, walk around with them and even take them into other bars.  This freedom caused one of my coworkers to say the following (after several hurricanes):

"I love this open container law.  I feel like its much more green, much less wasteful."

OK.  Whatever pulls your trigger, but it is pretty awesome.  Getting late and you want to go home?  You don't have to slam your drink or leave it at the bar, you have an automatic road soda.

The second thing I forgot to include was how I almost got into a fight, but am so quick-witted and handsome, I was able to avoid it.

So, I, along with some friends and coworkers get to our final stop around 1am on Thursday.  Great indoor/outdoor bar with an awesome band.  I take drink orders, go to the bar, and order.  At the bar is a guy, probably in his mid-to-late thirties and a woman (maybe his girlfriend?).  He comments, "I hope that drink (vodka tonic) is for you."  I repond, "No, it's for one of my coworkers."  This is where it all begins (well, I guess his first comment is where it all began, but I digress).

Guy:  "Man, how does it feel to be in love with your coworker?"

Me (knowing where this is going):  "Nah, just ordering drinks."

Guy:  "I mean, how does it feel to so obviously pine after a coworker?"

Me:  "Listen man, I'm here with some friends and coworkers.  I'm just ordering drinks."

Guy:  "You must be in love with this woman to get her a drink like that."

Me:  "Nah man, just trying to have a good time with some friends."

Guy:  "No, you're in love with her."

Woman:  "That's not what he said at all, he is just getting her a drink."

I pay for the drinks and walk away.

A little while later later, my friends and I are hanging out, rocking to the tunes, just being awesome, when this douche bag walks by and feels the need to talk to me.  So he says the following while I was standing next to one of my female coworkers (I only got her a water, so I must not be in love with her):

"So, is this the coworker you're in love with?"

Now, what this guy didn't expect, was for me to notice the two drinks he was holding: mini High Lifes, maybe 8oz.

I love ripping the High Life when I've been doing something very American and manly, such as roofing or using a chain saw on fallen tree limbs.  However, this is New Orleans, Louisiana.  You don't order small beers.  Ever.  He may have actually pay for these beers with his testicles, because I don't think you can be allowed to have them if you order mini beers.

My coworker and I see these and just start laughing and pointing.  and I respond with, "What's going on, you couldn't handle the full size?"

Guy:  "It's the High Life."

Me:  "They should be bigger."

Guy:  "C'mon, it's the HIGH LIFE!"

Me:  "They should be bigger."

Guy, trying to change the subject):  "So, is this the coworker?"

At this point, I walk up to him, pat him a bit too firmly on the back and get right in his ear and say:  "They should be bigger."  Then, I walk away and this bro looked extremely defeated.  As much as I wanted to slug this guy, I figured getting arrested while away for a conference would not be a good look.

-Big Ran

Stuck In My Head

Double header today.  If anyone can explain the psychology between this pairing running around my dome, you get a free t-shirt.  We don't have any Takeover shirts, so it may be a gently worn t-shirt from my closet, but it's a free t-shit nonetheless.






I can't explain this one, but I may need some serious medication.

-Big Ran

Are You Ready For Some Uninformed Opinions?!

Fox News is a constant source of unintentional comedy and this was no different.  Asking Hank Williams, Jr. to give his opinion on the 2012 GOP candidates is pure comedy gold.  Just to comment on some highlights of the video, Hank shows up in a camouflage University of Alabama hat and some sort of country/cowboy shirt.  My assumption is that he did not graduate from Alabama, but that's just a wild guess.  I also don't know that he was necessarily comparing Obama to Hitler, that's a bit of a stretch for a man that probably just washed down some combination of heart medication, pain killers, and Viagra, with his High Life at 8am.  Maybe he was just trying to come up with two people 180 degrees apart.  Who knows?  However, an underrated part of this clip is the poor stooge on the far right who clearly wants nothing to do with this interview and in no way, shape, or form wants to be associated with Hank Williams, Jr. and his uttering of the name Hitler.  Bro is probably just hoping his agent can land him a morning shown in Sioux City after this.

As a result, ESPN pulled Hank's, "Are You Ready for Some Football" video from the start of the game.

 

I would guess that this move upset southerners and 8 year olds, because I LOVED this jam when I was like 8 and could only watch like the first 15 minutes of Monday Night Football.  God that was frustrating.  I must have been in high school before my parents gave up and let me watch as much of the game as I wanted.  Now, I'm back to being like an 8 year old and whining when playoff games start at 9pm or the Pats play on Monday night because I know I now have a choice: watch the game and feel like crap the next day, or go to bed at halftime and keep my fingers crossed.  Again, I would recommend to not aging past 26, then you'll be fine.

-Big Ran

PS:  Umm, Hank Williams, Jr. for lead Role in Sling Blade 2?

Stuck In My Head

This was #1 on the charts in 1980.  How the f*ck does that even happen?  I mean, I know a ton of drugs were going on in the 70s and 80s, but once it hit the 80s wasn't it mostly coke?  This doesn't seem like a song people would be pumped to hear after snorting a mountain of coke.

How about this video though, huh?  This dude looks like he should have been in Step Brothers, especially because his voice is a cross between Fergie and Jesus.  Also, can we talk about the fact that he's wearing an Earl Campbell jersey?  Is this the least likely candidate for wearing a jersey?  Bro was rocking throwbacks before they were even throwbacks.

White man fro and a throwback.  Christopher Cross just living the dream.  Unfortunately, his song haunts mine.

-Big Ran

Amanda Knox Free to Bang (Possibly Murder)

Hey, remember Amanda Knox?  The Seattle-area exchange student that was imprisoned in Italy for murder during a menage a trois, or gang bang, or something like that?  Well, her guilty verdict was just overturned and she will be free.  Get a load of this: yours truly, Big Ran, has a friend in Seattle that knows Amanda and her family!  How about that!  Maybe the takeover could get an exclusive.  I think if KC and I dig deep we could come up with like $7 and some coupons.  Although, KC is now a Hall of Famer, so that could carry some weight in the negotiating process.

Here's a link to the story, I'm not staying late to go over the details:  http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/10/03/501364/main20114867.shtml

Peace out, homies, and remember, if you're gonna have a gang bang, don't kill anyone.

-Big Ran

As a PS, here's what I wanted to include, but whoever owns the rights to "Seinfeld" is a total dick and won't allow their clips to be embedded.

The Big Easy

The first stop on my four state odyssey was New Orleans, Louisiana.  Now, I had been pumped about this trip for a long time for a few reasons.  One, I hadn't been to New Orleans since I was a senior in college for the NCAA tournament.  I was there in March, it happened to be 88 degrees, our hotel had a rooftop pool, was in walking distance of Bourbon Street, and I was 21; pretty much the perfect storm of sloppiness.  We were there four days, three nights, and didn't leave a second too early.  On the flight back, the flight attendant kept bringing us Gatorade without even asking us if we wanted them and she gave us a bunch to pack in our bag for the rest of the trip.  Mother Theresa ain't got sh!t on her. 

Secondly, I was going with a few people in my office for a conference, so it was going to be a good time.  Three of us flew Jet Blew down to New Orleans, so I am totally planning on rocking that Direct TV for the entire flight - no book, no magazines.  Big mistake.  As soon as we board, one of the flight attendants announces that the TVs aren't work, and I let out a rather loud/aggressive groan.  I was bullsh!t.  To Jet Blue's credit, we got a small credit for a future flight.  I would have rather had the TV.  Well, I proceed to not speak to my co-workers the rest of the flight and sleep most of the way.

To cut to the chase, our staff went out to a classy dinner, had a few drinks, then hit up Bourbon Street.  Now, two of us had been to New Orleans before, so we wanted to introduce them to hurricanes at Pat O'Brien's, the bar that invented the hurricane, which is a unholy mix of every alcohol you can imagine and a bright red fruit mix.  Let me tell you, if you suffer from acid reflux like I do, DON'T DRINK HURRICANES.  God damn, these things killed me for like a week.  

We end up heading to a few bars with a big crew, keeping my boss out until about 1am (a time I don't think he's seen in 10 years, and others until about 2am.  Now, I am sharing a hotel room with my boss because the conference was bringing a huge number of people to the city, but still a bit of an awkward proposition in a city like New Orleans.  I get back to my room around 3am and try to open the door, only to discover that he has closed that dead bolt/security latch thing.  F*CK.  I wait 30 seconds to see if he wakes up, then I try again.  On the plus side, it is impossible to push that latch open from the outside.  On the negative side, I am wondering where I am going to sleep.  Finally, he rambles over in just his boxers, apologizing for locking me out.

About four hours later, I miraculously wake up because I had set my alarm for 7pm rather than am.  I take a quick personal inventory and realize that I am not hung over, but that is only because I am still pretty drunk.  However, I figure, if I don't get in the shower now, it's never going to happen.  When I get out of the shower, my boss says the following things to me:

"How are you awake and moving right now?" A: Because I am still drunk (didn't actually say that).

"I am never going out with you and Amy (my co-worker who can hang) again."

"Do you have any asprin."

Loved it, loved it all.  On top of that, we go to breakfast and he couldn't even look at food.  So, ultimately, I looked like a champ because I was ready to go at 7am after getting in at 3am and he felt like a truck hit him. What I will go to the grave with is that when he left later in the day for his flight back, I crushed a nap in the room, skipping part of the conference.

The tough part about a conference in New Orleans is knowing a ton of people there and having such easy access to Bourbon Street.  All I wanted to do that night was sleep, but that, obviously, wasn't an option.  My body can't handle consecutive nights and I had three hard ones.  I couldn't wait for the rest of my trip when I wouldn't have to go out with anyone.  Socializing takes a lot of effort when you're inflicting that much damage to your body.  The lesson here?  Don't get old.  Maybe stop at aging 26, that's possible, right?

A couple notes to add before wrapping up:

Watch out for trannies on Bourbon Street.  And, if your into trannies, definitely watch out for them, I won't judge you.  I also saw a woman in a piano bar that could have been Ozzy Osbourne.  I mean looked just like him, I couldn't stop staring at "her."

As I was heading back the first night, I saw a dude walk up to a woman and ask, "How much?"  She said, "$40."  He then proceeded to hand her two $20 bills and lead her into an alley off of Bourbon Street.  Woof. 

-Big Ran

Oh Snap, Guess What I Saw...

Not a fella tongue-kissing my girl in the mouth, but four states in 11 days on a business trip.  On the surface, these trips always sound awesome to the people who don't have to do them, because I got to go to New Orleans, Milwaukee, Chicago, and a small town in Indiana.  Yup...Indiana.  By the way, Indiana is everything you think it would be and absolutely nothing more.  Have you ever seen Parks and Rec?  Exactly that.  Milwaukee, incidentally, is one of the most underrated cities in the U.S.  So, I'll bust out a few of the better stories I have from the last week and a half, because, well, why do all the work that piled up while I was gone?

-Big Ran

PS:  We may have to discuss KC Jones being inducted into her work place's Hall of Fame.  Seriously.