Watching A Lot of "The Walking Dead" Will F*ck You Up

OK, first off, I guess that I have a vivid imagination and I love post-apocalyptic/zombie movies, so that's an interesting combination.  After I saw "28 Days Later" I was woken up in the middle of the night by two cats fighting which honestly may be the worst sound in the world.  Needless to say, I didn't fall back to sleep that night.  Also, when I saw the first trailer for "I Am Legend,"  I think I may have ripped my pants with the boner I got.  Unfortunately that movie ended up sucking and is #1 on my disappointing movie list.

So, last weekend, I started watching "The Walking Dead" from AMC and plowed through the first season in a couple days, then caught myself up on the current season about four days later.  This show is similar to other zombie shows and movies where there is some sort of world wide pandemic that causes people to turn into zombies if they are infected.  Now, when you watch a lot of shows like this I think it really warps with your sense of reality.  First it started out because I would stay up way too late watching the show and so when I was about to go to bed, I would take one of my dogs out and it would be deathly quiet.  Way too quiet.  I was honestly looking for zombies and figuring out my escape plan.  Like, "OK, I can't run back into the house and lead them right there.  I'm going to have to use my sprinting skills, lose them on another street and double back to the house."  I know I'm demented.  I secretly homed the rapture would really happen last May so I could stock pile weapons and shoot zombies, because that's obviously what would have happened.

The best (or worst) cases of this came on Friday though.  Let me preface this by saying that the zombies on this show can't talk, they just kind of groan and moan, they walk with limps, and they have some crazy eyes.

Zombies with their gangsta lean.

So, after work on Friday I go to get a haircut and I am sitting in the chair when a man and a tween/teen come in.  ***POSSIBLY POLITICALLY INCORRECT ALERT***  The young man clearly has some special needs because he is kind of limping in and has trouble speaking.  For a split second, I eye all the scissors and calculate how long I will need to grab one and stab him in the brain if he goes after someone.  Demented.

Crazy Eyes

After all of that, I go to my 10 year old niece's birthday party.  And see that chick in the above picture, Amy from "The Walking Dead?"  Well, there was a 10 year old that looked EXACTLY like her.  Honestly, it was her mini me.  When I walked in, I took a double take, and in my head said, "OH SH!T WATCH OUT MINI ZOMBIE BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  You bet your asses I kept a close eye on her the rest of the night.  You just keep working that ice cream cake and don't look at my arm like a drumstick little zombie b!tch.

So, there you go, Big Ran's tales in being a f*cking weirdo.

On a positive note, the birthday had a "Red Carpet" theme, so one of the girls wrote a script, they acted it out and filmed it, then my wife and I "interviewed" them on the red carpet.  My job was to ask them "WHO they were wearing" like all those bozo entertainment reporters ask.  Well, when the parents all show up, my sister-in-law proceeded to tell them that I was asking all of the girls "WHAT they were wearing," and all of a sudden I was Jerry Sandusky before I corrected her on the phrasing.

-Big Ran

PS:  "The Walking Dead" honestly is hot f*cking fire.  It makes me want to shoot zombies so hard.