Watching A Lot of "The Walking Dead" Will F*ck You Up

OK, first off, I guess that I have a vivid imagination and I love post-apocalyptic/zombie movies, so that's an interesting combination.  After I saw "28 Days Later" I was woken up in the middle of the night by two cats fighting which honestly may be the worst sound in the world.  Needless to say, I didn't fall back to sleep that night.  Also, when I saw the first trailer for "I Am Legend,"  I think I may have ripped my pants with the boner I got.  Unfortunately that movie ended up sucking and is #1 on my disappointing movie list.

So, last weekend, I started watching "The Walking Dead" from AMC and plowed through the first season in a couple days, then caught myself up on the current season about four days later.  This show is similar to other zombie shows and movies where there is some sort of world wide pandemic that causes people to turn into zombies if they are infected.  Now, when you watch a lot of shows like this I think it really warps with your sense of reality.  First it started out because I would stay up way too late watching the show and so when I was about to go to bed, I would take one of my dogs out and it would be deathly quiet.  Way too quiet.  I was honestly looking for zombies and figuring out my escape plan.  Like, "OK, I can't run back into the house and lead them right there.  I'm going to have to use my sprinting skills, lose them on another street and double back to the house."  I know I'm demented.  I secretly homed the rapture would really happen last May so I could stock pile weapons and shoot zombies, because that's obviously what would have happened.

The best (or worst) cases of this came on Friday though.  Let me preface this by saying that the zombies on this show can't talk, they just kind of groan and moan, they walk with limps, and they have some crazy eyes.

Zombies with their gangsta lean.

So, after work on Friday I go to get a haircut and I am sitting in the chair when a man and a tween/teen come in.  ***POSSIBLY POLITICALLY INCORRECT ALERT***  The young man clearly has some special needs because he is kind of limping in and has trouble speaking.  For a split second, I eye all the scissors and calculate how long I will need to grab one and stab him in the brain if he goes after someone.  Demented.

Crazy Eyes

After all of that, I go to my 10 year old niece's birthday party.  And see that chick in the above picture, Amy from "The Walking Dead?"  Well, there was a 10 year old that looked EXACTLY like her.  Honestly, it was her mini me.  When I walked in, I took a double take, and in my head said, "OH SH!T WATCH OUT MINI ZOMBIE BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  You bet your asses I kept a close eye on her the rest of the night.  You just keep working that ice cream cake and don't look at my arm like a drumstick little zombie b!tch.

So, there you go, Big Ran's tales in being a f*cking weirdo.

On a positive note, the birthday had a "Red Carpet" theme, so one of the girls wrote a script, they acted it out and filmed it, then my wife and I "interviewed" them on the red carpet.  My job was to ask them "WHO they were wearing" like all those bozo entertainment reporters ask.  Well, when the parents all show up, my sister-in-law proceeded to tell them that I was asking all of the girls "WHAT they were wearing," and all of a sudden I was Jerry Sandusky before I corrected her on the phrasing.

-Big Ran

PS:  "The Walking Dead" honestly is hot f*cking fire.  It makes me want to shoot zombies so hard.

Note to Self: Move to Enfield, CT (or Don't Move there, I'm Confused)

Hartford Courant - Police responded to a complaint about a group of women in bikinis Sunday evening.

Police said that a resident on Mathewson Street called police at 5:15 p.m. and said he was "alarmed" by a group of about 15 young woman in bikinis with zombie make-up taking photographs on the street.

Police said that the women, when made aware of the complaint, voluntarily moved to another street. They told police that they were make-up artists from Six Flags and were doing a calendar shoot.

Who do you think complained to the police about this?  Like, did they actually think they may have been zombies?  I guess its good that they called the police rather than busting out their shotgun and firing upon these unsuspecting Six Flags Make Up Artists.  Is that a real job?  I have so many questions about this story, I really wish I was there.


There are some really great comments on this story, though:


Hojo2086 at 1:26 PM June 6, 2011

I want to see the bikini pictures.  All of them.

avwh06 at 1:06 PM June 6, 2011

The people were just jealous because most people in Enfield can't wear bikini's

DanfromEastHampton at 12:03 PM June 6, 2011

Do you know that in New York, they could have been doing the photo shoot topless? The NY Supreme Court rules years ago that it was discrimination to allow men to go without a shirt and not let women have the same privlage. Personally, I would rather my children see a bare breast than a body with a bullet hole in their head so why do we censor breasts on TV but not heads being blown off? Makes you wonder what is acceptable these days.

Nichellemotos at 11:44 AM June 6, 2011

I was one of the zombie girls and want to be very clear. There were 3, THREE, ladies in zombie make up. We are making a zombie swim suit calendar. Its coming out awesome and you can see it on facebook. Year of the Dead.

We are in absolutely no way related or in talks or associated with Six Flags in any shape or form. We are just a group of people making an art project dream come true. Check us out! Its actually very awesome.

africansoothsayer at 7:24 AM June 6, 2011

Come see me in Farmington.  Shoot all day.  We are Zombi friendly in Farmington, unlike Enfield.

OK, so there we have it from one of the bikini clad zombies herself, setting the record straight and here are some pics:

BOOM.  I just did more research than the Hartford Courant.  No wonder print journalism is dying.  If you print a story about zombies in bikinis, you better run photos along with it.  Zombie sex sells.

-Big Ran

PS:  I really expected Donatella Vercase: