So, as you all know, Big Ran and I went to the Celtics/Mavericks game last night. And, although we were suppose to go on a Late Boston Harbor Dinner Cruise with Cubes, The JET, Dirk, and Marion after the game, we were sore losers and decided to postpone until a later date. So, while we don't have stories about hanging out with them, we do have stories about what happened around us at the game....and better still, pictures to back it up!
Anytime you're in a large crowd, you're bound to see some real winners. However, I can fairly safely declare that Big Ran and I were COMPLETELY overstimulated by the crazies last night. They were all out, in full force and rare form. Some of the highlights included:
1. A large number of "women" who may have, in fact, not been women. Were they overprocessed? Yes. Were they orange due to horrific self tanner application? Yes. Were they dressed like street walkers? Absolutely. However, the structure of their faces, along with some shadowing that looked like they each might have Adam's apples led us to believe that not only were the C's hosting "Seats for Soliders" last night, but also, "Seats for Trannies".
Exhibit A:
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| picture modified to protect the oblivious |
Some of our friends have weighed in on this one, calling her George Hamilton's daughter, or, even better, George Hamilton in drag. Big Ran and I though Donatella Versace....what are your thoughts on this gem? It could definitely go a variety of ways. And the best part is that she was with the dude to the left of her who looked like a poor man's Vince Wilfork from the Patriots. Nice try 'lady', but you weren't impressing anyone. You were, however, providing an incredible amount of entertainment as an older man and Big Ran had a ridiculous conversation trying to figure out what was going on as the man asked, "What is that?" and Big Ran proceeded to declare that "she" wasn't fooling anyone. Standing there, in floor seats, applying lip gloss and getting sh*t faced. WASTE of good seats, and a WASTE of my oxygen. I'd like to say this type of person should be banned from sporting events, but then again, it provided SO much entertainment I wouldn't want to have missed it.
2. The random people being featured up on The Jumbotron: I took a picture of this guy while he was on it. He got about half a dozen turns up there because he was so awesome. Not just his moves, but his choice of sweatpants (we're sure elastic at the bottom), his "Southie" sweatshirt (and why is South Boston the butt of numerous SNL skits?), his beret, and, of course, his moves. A bull in a China shop? Even better actually! Big Ran and I predicted that "Schmitty" (as Big Ran named him) will not be able to walk today due to the intensity of his sweet dance moves. He was awesome. We loved him and wish there had been an empty seat next to us so we could have invited him down. In addition to him, there were countless other awesome people up there, and then some who were not so awesome, such as Jersey Shore Tool and Slam Pig types.. Oh, and the man with the popcorn all stuck in his beard. That was attractive. So happy.
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| I'm crafty with the camera |
3. The Young Professional (meaning, professional tool and space invader): This dude was sitting next to us and he was, without a doubt, the biggest tool/dork/poindexter EVER. First of all, the game was at 8 pm, and he has to show up wearing his work clothes---a dress shirt and dress pants. This would be fine if he didn't exude an aura of "I'm a young professional and I'm super important". Dude then proceeded to pretty much sit ON MY LAP and dry hump me the entire time. The plan was for Big Ran and I to switch seats at half time and for Big Ran to get, in his words, "Real Aggressive" with him. For some reason, that didn't happen---(the baked potato featured above distracted us I guess). Anyway, he was 1/2 in my seat the entire time, drinking his $12 shot glass size cups of beer and commenting to his equally dorky friend only when the busted Celtics dancers and other busted women were shown on the jumbotron. Naturally, his comments involved how good looking they were (which usually was NOT the case, but to him, it was true). He elbowed me at LEAST 17,000 times and it got to the point where I was pushing back. Very passive aggressive. His friend was pretty much a clone of him. If this is the pool of single men KC Jones gets to choose from, put me on suicide watch STAT. The highlight of my interaction with this guy? When he went to put something in HIS pocket and pretty much groped me. And there was no acknowledgement. This guy was the antithesis of Big Ran, and we found ourselves saying ridiculous things throughout the game alluding to the picture we had painted of him in our minds. "Stocks and bonds", "annuities", and "Buy/Sell", were frequently yelled as more passive aggressive behavior on our part. He sucks.
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| I'm on the right, in jeans, as it was a Celtics game. He was in slacks and invading my space as you can see. |
And now, I'll turn this post over to Big Ran for his hilarious insights....
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