Have a Heart

First, Jeff Green was lost for the Celtics when he had to have surgery to repair an aortic aneurysm.  Then, today it was announced that Chris Wilcox, a Celtics forward will be done for the season after it was found he needs surgery for an enlarged aorta.

These are both Danny Ainge guys.  He picked up Green in the Kendrick Perkins deal with the Thunder last season that just put a dagger in any chances the Cs had at a title (which were admittedly slim) and Wilcox was a free agent pick up who was paid way too much money based on past health.  Both can certainly contribute; at least that was the hope, especially for Green, who was pretty terrible after the trade last year, but was seen as a major building block post-big three.  

My questions is this:  if you are a free agent after this season and Danny Ainge gives you a call (the Cs will have a ton of free cap space unless they deal expiring contracts before tomorrow's NBA trade deadline), how fast do you hang up?  If I saw Danny Ainge pop up on my caller ID, I would toss my phone right out the window of a moving car, or into the ocean.  I'll keep my aortas, thank you very much.

To end on a positive note, with Jeff Green sidelined, I have noticed  that the man is an amazing dresser.  He just has style for days.  Maybe he could hook Danny up with some advice.

-Big Ran

Congratulations to The Truth

Usually, when you say someone is number two, that's not good, but when it is what number you are on the all time Celtics scoring list, that's pretty friggin' awesome.  Congrats to Pierce, who I can honestly say, leaves it all out on the court every time he plays.  It is great to see Paul play for a consistent winner after being on so many mediocre and terrible teams.  I can't find his epic press conference with the bandage on his head after the 2003 playoff loss to the Pacers, so I'll just post my favorite photo of all time.

-Big Ran

You Ever Been in a Bar Fight, Craig?

Love the shout out to Barkley for being in a bar fight. From what I recall, he threw a dude through a plate glass window. Second of all, Ray Allen's wife had a 7 pound 12 ounce baby? Like, for real or is Ray Ray just one of KG's buddies?

-Big Ran

UPDATE:

So, it looks like Sir Charles was in three bar fights on record.  The first in Milwaukee, where he broke a dude's nose, but the charges were dropped.  The second while with the Dream Team and he got into a fight in Cleveland.  Finally, the third recorded bar fight was in Orlando, when he threw the guy through a window.

On the Ray Allen news, yes, his wife had their fourth child according to Gary Washburn of The Globe:

@gwashburn14gary washburn

Ray Allen's fourth son has been born, Wystan Ryan, congrats to the happy couple

Stuck In My Head - Celtics Rally Edition

Dudes, Cs down 27 points and win by eight over the Magic.  I think one of two things happens today:

1.  Dwight Howard walks into Otis Smith's (Magic GM) office and demands that he be traded retroactive to Wednesday, so he doesn't have last night's loss on his conscience anymore.

2.  Dwight Howard bursts in to Stan Van Gundy's office with clippers and shaves his porn stache off.



Orlando scored what, like 25 points in the second half and the Cs closed with a 44-15 run?  Are you kidding me?

Big Baby's No Pants Party

I loved the trade of Big Baby for Brandon "Lance" Bass when it happened and I still love it today.  The dude has to have a short circuit in his brain, right?  Doc Rivers must have felt like he had a 12 year old on the team at all times with Davis around.

How Glen Davis led his LSU team to the Final Four, I will never know.

-Big Ran

Requiem for a Game

Bravo to KC on a few fronts:

1. Having the tickets

2. Having a camera and being really aggressive with it

3. Posting that last blog, love the format

On to my notes...

The food at the Garden blows.  Three chicken tenders for $8:50?  $7.75 for a beer?  Please.  I would be better off sticking frozen chicken tenders in my pants and letting them defrost throughout the first half and using you for your free dipping sauces.

I wish we had pics of the group that sang the national anthem, Jada.  Here's a pic and the descriptoon from their website:

Four extraordinary singers united by a common goal, Jada is the latest iteration of the classic female vocal group. Since coming together six years ago, all four members have devoted themselves heart and soul to Jada. Their self-titled debut marks the culmination of a remarkable journey in which these talented individuals came together to create a beautifully cohesive whole. From the album-opening ballad “Is It Love” to the sassy RedOne/Akon-produced first single, American Cowboy, Jada is a bright and brazen mix of pop, soul, dance, and R&B, spiced by Jada’s characteristic gospel-inspired harmonies. The powerhouse sound is not dissimilar to the girls themselves – soulful and sophisticated, sexy and strong, heartfelt and honest, flirty and fun.

That may be the worst description of a group I have ever read.  When KC referenced "Seats for Trannies" night, she wasn't kidding.  There were more shims in the crowd than I can come up with a funny comparison for.  There were that many.  And they all had good seats.  This Jada group, woof.  First off they sang A Capella (my worst nightmare) and they did that weird hand motion thing that just makes me want to puke.  Plus, their knees were extremely distracting.  You know how you could look at Demi Moore a few years ago and say, wow, how old is she? She looks great!  But then you got to her knees and dry heaved a little bit?  It was like that.  The camera man got off their legs so fast it made your head spin.

Next we had Donatella Versace in the crowd rocking some sort of fur coat over her orange leather hide hanging out with Dennis Rodman in drag and Vince Wilfork's younger brother. When I say everyone in our section was looking and making comments, I am not exaggerating.  Personally, win or lose, I consider that game a success because I was able to successfully make a joke about not making the mistake of getting a transsexual hooker again and the middle aged guy behind me totally went with it.





I think we had a chick wearing pajama jeans in front of us, we had a little kid that was super amped about the game and was really pumped when he had beer spill on him, there was just a ton going on.  The crowd was beyond eclectic.  From what looked like an Amish dude, to tons of Asians hoping to see Yi Jianlian (DNP-CD), to all the trannies, it was a smorgasbord.

I was also pleased because I had the chance to tell Jason Terry that "I seen his stroke and it's all flame;"  I got to yell "ball don't lie" when the refs made a terrible call and the Mav's shooter missed a free throw, a la Sheed,  and we got to yell at Danny Ainge when he walked about 10 feet in front of us, asking him where Perk was.  I bet he never gets tired of that.

-Big Ran

Big Pimpin', Watchin' C's....

So, as you all know, Big Ran and I went to the Celtics/Mavericks game last night. And, although we were suppose to go on a Late Boston Harbor Dinner Cruise with Cubes, The JET, Dirk, and Marion after the game, we were sore losers and decided to postpone until a later date. So, while we don't have stories about hanging out with them, we do have stories about what happened around us at the game....and better still, pictures to back it up!

Anytime you're in a large crowd, you're bound to see some real winners. However, I can fairly safely declare that Big Ran and I were COMPLETELY overstimulated by the crazies last night. They were all out, in full force and rare form. Some of the highlights included:

1. A large number of "women" who may have, in fact, not been women. Were they overprocessed? Yes. Were they orange due to horrific self tanner application? Yes. Were they dressed like street walkers? Absolutely. However, the structure of their faces, along with some shadowing that looked like they each might have Adam's apples led us to believe that not only were the C's hosting "Seats for Soliders" last night, but also, "Seats for Trannies".
Exhibit A:

picture modified to protect the oblivious

Some of our friends have weighed in on this one, calling her George Hamilton's daughter, or, even better, George Hamilton in drag. Big Ran and I though Donatella Versace....what are your thoughts on this gem? It could definitely go a variety of ways. And the best part is that she was with the dude to the left of her who looked like a poor man's Vince Wilfork from the Patriots. Nice try 'lady', but you weren't impressing anyone. You were, however, providing an incredible amount of entertainment as an older man and Big Ran had a ridiculous conversation trying to figure out what was going on as the man asked, "What is that?" and Big Ran proceeded to declare that "she" wasn't fooling anyone. Standing there, in floor seats, applying lip gloss and getting sh*t faced. WASTE of good seats, and a WASTE of my oxygen. I'd like to say this type of person should be banned from sporting events, but then again, it provided SO much entertainment I wouldn't want to have missed it.

2. The random people being featured up on The Jumbotron: I took a picture of this guy while he was on it. He got about half a dozen turns up there because he was so awesome. Not just his moves, but his choice of sweatpants (we're sure elastic at the bottom), his "Southie" sweatshirt (and why is South Boston the butt of numerous SNL skits?), his beret,  and, of course, his moves. A bull in a China shop? Even better actually! Big Ran and I predicted that "Schmitty" (as Big Ran named him) will not be able to walk today due to the intensity of his sweet dance moves. He was awesome. We loved him and wish there had been an empty seat next to us so we could have invited him down.  In addition to him, there were countless other awesome people up there, and then some who were not so awesome, such as Jersey Shore Tool and Slam Pig types.. Oh, and the man with the popcorn all stuck in his beard. That was attractive. So happy.

I'm crafty with the camera

3. The Young Professional (meaning, professional tool and space invader): This dude was sitting next to us and he was, without a doubt, the biggest tool/dork/poindexter EVER. First of all, the game was at 8 pm, and he has to show up wearing his work clothes---a dress shirt and dress pants. This would be fine if he didn't exude an aura of "I'm a young professional and I'm super important". Dude then proceeded to pretty much sit ON MY LAP and dry hump me the entire time. The plan was for Big Ran and I to switch seats at half time and for Big Ran to get, in his words, "Real Aggressive" with him. For some reason, that didn't happen---(the baked potato featured above distracted us I guess). Anyway, he was 1/2 in my seat the entire time, drinking his $12 shot glass size cups of beer and commenting to his equally dorky friend only when the busted Celtics dancers and other busted women were shown on the jumbotron. Naturally, his comments involved how good looking they were (which usually was NOT the case, but to him, it was true). He elbowed me at LEAST 17,000 times and it got to the point where I was pushing back. Very passive aggressive. His friend was pretty much a clone of him. If this is the pool of single men KC Jones gets to choose from, put me on suicide watch STAT. The highlight of my interaction with this guy? When he went to put something in HIS pocket and pretty much groped me. And there was no acknowledgement. This guy was the antithesis of Big Ran, and we found ourselves saying ridiculous things throughout the game alluding to the picture we had painted of him in our minds. "Stocks and bonds", "annuities", and "Buy/Sell", were frequently yelled as more passive aggressive behavior on our part. He sucks.

I'm on the right, in jeans, as it was a Celtics game. He was in slacks and invading my space as you can see.

And now, I'll turn this post over to Big Ran for his hilarious insights....

Stuck In My Head

Dudes, really weird start to this video, but it is actually their old school low budget video.

The countdown is on to see the Celts vs. the Mavs with KC tonight.  I think the Cs will win, but KC and I will probably hang out with Mark Cuban, Dirk, and JET after the game.

"I seen her stroke and it's all flame." - Jason Terry

Best quote of all time.  Period.

-Big Ran

Lunchtime Look-a-like

The Celtics made their preseason debut on Sunday, only about 2 months late due to the lockout. Anyway, as you all know, I just adore Rasheed Wallace and haven't been the same since he retired. However, I will always take consolation in knowing that he played in Boston for a season and came up big when it counted. However, imagine my surprise when I thought he was back on the court, playing with the Celts against the Toronto Raptors. I was overjoyed, and puzzled...how did I not hear about this? I'm usually on top of NBA news. I didn't hear about it, because it didn't happen....and I realized it wasn't him, sad face.

Chris Wilcox

'Sheed

 Nope, it was Chris Wilcox, a new addition to the Celtics since the lockout was settled. I don't have too much to say about 'Cox yet (like that? I mean, we called Rasheed, 'Sheed, so I'm just trying to remain consistent), but I will say that he reminds me of the man who coined the phrase, "Ball Don't Lie"!

-Both played for the Detroit Pistons at one point in their careers
-I've now witnessed each of them pleading their cases with the refs during games
-They look very similar (they aren't twins, but there are STRIKING similarities).
-Notice the 'sun' tattoos on each of their right arms as well....just sayin'....

The words of Big Ran below, after I mentioned my thought to him, clearly validated that, unlike the Ghetto Boys,  my mind was not playing tricks on me:

From: Big Ran
Sent: Tuesday, December 20, 2011 10:30 AM
To: KC Jones
Subject: RE: here he is

Also, I saw a replay of the Celts game from Sunday and when Wilcox jumped up from the bench at one point I really thought it was Sheed for a second.

Chris Wilcox

Rashhhhheeeeeeeed Wallllllace!

 For me, the NBA Season kicking off on Christmas Day is one of the biggest gifts of all...however, I have to admit, it's slightly bittersweet with Rasheed no longer in the league. Love him or hate him, (and you SHOULD love him), he's one of a kind!

Just a little something to help get you into the holiday spirit!

-KC Jones

Monday Mutha F*ckin' Jam

Cause you know what ain't fun?  Mondays and staring down the barrel of another work week.  This song has one of my favorite lyrics of all time:

"One for the money, two for the bitches, three to get ready, and four to hit the switches."

You know what also ain't no fin?  David Friggin' West choosing to sign a two year contract with the Pacers rather than with the Celtics.  Enjoy Indianapolis, homie.  Scientifically, here it is in a graph:

-Big Ran

Big Baby Headed to America's Wang

Sorry, wrong one...

Boston Globe Celtics Blog - The Celtics will deal forward Glen Davis to Orlando in a sign-and-trade that will send Magic forward Brandon Bass to Boston, a source tells Marc Spears of Yahoo! Sports. The move would end a four-year run for Davis and the Celtics that started with a with a world championship and ended with questions over Davis' effort and maturity.

Bass' agent told the Orlando Sentinel the deal was close.

The Sentinel also reported the Davis deal would be for four years, and that Davis was on his way to Florida to take a physical.

Davis, a second-round pick by Seattle in 2007, came to the Celtics via a draft-night trade that also brought Ray Allen to Boston. Davis played in 69 games as a rookie and averaged 4.5 points and 3 rebounds. Davis filled in as a starter for Kevin Garnett during the 2009 playoffs and had perhaps his best run in a Celtics uniform, averaging 15.8 points and 5.6 rebounds in 36 minutes per game. During that postseason, however, Davis drew criticism for pushing a young fan in Orlando following a game-winning shot over the Magic. That offseason, Davis broke his hand in a fight with a childhood friend, keeping him out until December.

Davis upped his scoring average to 11.7 points per game last season, but his shot selection was questioned, and he was a virtual no-show in the postseason. Bass, too, has had an up-and-down career, and the Magic are likely moving him for the same reasons the Celtics are moving Davis. A second-round pick out of LSU in 2005, Bass didn't show much in New Orleans before having two productive seasons in Dallas before a disappointing debut in Orlando. Last season, though, his second with the Magic, Bass averaged career highs of 11.2 points and 5.6 rebounds. At 6-feet-8-inches and 250 pounds, he's a more traditional power forward than Davis.

Well, it ain't CP3 or Dwight Howard, but Bass is solid and I would imagine that he will extend Doc Rivers' heart health and sanity a few more years.  Big Baby was, at times, a solid role player for the Celtics, but is clearly insane.  The fact that he let KG make him cry may have been the end of it for me.  Then there was his MMA fighting and the time he broke his finger and missed the start of the season because he was fighting with his friend in his car.  Doc may drop Baby off at the airport.


ANyone think David Stern nixes this deal too just because he is drunk with power?

-Big Ran

KC Jones Comment: I thought Big Baby WAS America's Wang......