With The Academy Awards going on this weekend, I figured I would give you a primer for the movies films nominated for "Best Picture." There are nine movies nominated and I have seen a whopping two of them, so this is going to be some deep insight just like my "Dancing With the Stars" preview. Didn't they just nominate like five movies a while back? Sh!t's getting diluted (and forcing me to write more).
Hey, nice mustache, bro. You have that stache now and you instantly have to register for certain types of lists and tell your neighbors when you move into their neighborhood. You know when they stopped making silent movies? When they figured out how to add video and sound together on film. The reason they had silent movies wasn't because they wanted to, it was because they didn't have any other way to do it. This is the heavy favorite in Vegas with at 1-to-12. I would guess this gets the Oscar too, they always love giving some artsy-fartsy sh!t the award. How many people saw this movie, about 18?
Here's my guess for this movie: you will feel like you kind of liked it, but will never watch it more than once, and it will end a little bit before you feel it has totally wrapped up. These types of movies are right in Clooney's wheelhouse. When you have his money, you don't have to be in action movies anymore. Vegas is setting this one at 10-to-1 odds. It's got a shot, but a long way off from the artist. I would Red Box or Netflix this one, but not be super fired up to watch it. I bet it will be at the bottom of my queue for a while.
This movie wins the award for "Movie I Will Never Watch Because I Don't Feel Like Being Depressed for Two Hours." It has that award locked up and I'll Fed Ex it to them on Monday. 75-to-1 odds. Not gonna happen. The Academy is like so over 9-11 and autism. Old news.
This was a very popular book that I will never read. On a four hour Jet Blue Flight, I chose "The Hangover 2," reruns of Sports Center, and staring atthe back of the seat in front of me over watching this movie. White Southern Broads sound like the dumbest people on the planet. I can't take that for two hours. 12-to-1 odds that this wins. I don't see happening. What I also don't see happening? Me ever seeing this movie.
Is it required that they nominate a kids movie? I couldn't even make it through the trailer, so the entire movie isn't going to happen. How about Sacha Baron Cohen as that dumb train station cop? I kept waiting for him to say, "I will let you go Hugo. But first, I want you to say 'I...love...crepes." Hugo's at 20-to-1 odds. Martin Scorsese can practice saying, "It's just an honor to be nominated."
Oh yeah, a movie I actually saw! I watched this on a flight because it was literally the only movie I hadn't seen yet. Meh. It was OK. I kept waiting for Vince Vaughn to show up and actually make it funny. Spoiler Alert: That didn't happen. I would never watch this again or recommend it to anyone. Maybe anytime Woody Allen directs a movie it has to be nominated. 75-to-1 odds here. Why even bother showing up?
OK, I saw this one too! And read the book back in 2003! I am so sophisticated! When I heard that they were making a movie out of this book, I had no idea why, and no idea how they would do it. They obviously took some liberties, but did a decent job. it was a solid movie. However, The As haven't done a damn thin in the playoffs and have stunk the last few years, so you don't have the Disney championship ending. Vegas has it at 40-to-1, and I don't see it having a chance in this category. Isn't there a category for best adaptation from a book, or something like that? That's where you can bet big on Moneyball.
I had no idea what this movie was about. Then I watched the trailer. Guess what? I still have no idea what it's about. Vegas odds: 75-to-1. Odds anyone on the planet other than the director knows what's going on in this movie? Sideways 8-to-1.
OK, last, but not least, we have "War Horse." Dude, if this horse dies at the end of this movie, I will be so pissed. 40-to-1 odds. Not gonna happen. Do you think they used the same horse as in "Secretariat?" That horse must get so many
So, there you have it. Big Ran's Oscar Preview.
-Big Ran
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