AMERICA F*CK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COCOA, F.L. - GOP hopeful Newt Gingrich is unveiling a dramatic new vision for America's space program, which he promises to implement should he become president.


"By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon," Gingrich vowed at a campaign stop on Florida's space coast. "And it will be American."


The former speaker went even further, calling for a significant increase in the number of trips into orbit.


"We need to figure out how to do five or eight launches a day, not just one," he insisted. "If we’re going to get to the moon permanently, we have to do this. Does that mean I’m a visionary? You betcha."


Mitt Romney [2] has sharply criticized Gingrich over earlier space proposals, specifically pointing to a lunar colony plan to mine minerals from the moon as a waste of money.


One Gingrich idea Team Romney didn't seem to catch - statehood for Americans living on the moon.


"At one point early in my career I introduced the Northwest Ordinance for space and I said when we have 13,000 Americans living on the moon they can petition to become a state," Gingrich admitted.


"I wanted every young American to say to themselves, I could be one of those 13,000. I could be a pioneer."


That's a plan Gingrich now hopes to revive.


"I will as president, encourage the introduction of the Northwest Ordinance for space to put a marker down that we want Americans to think boldly about the future and we want Americans to go out and study hard and work hard and together we're going to unleash the American people to build the country we love."


OK.  Now we're talking.  Now we're getting to the good stuff.  Instead of all this back and forth of "You've had three wives."  "Well, you don't pay enough in taxes."  Now we have someone really upping the ante and essentially saying "We're gonna go to the moon, we're gonna take it, AND WE'RE GONNA PUT SOME MUTHAF*CKAS ON IT!"

Dubai has all their fancy sky scrapers, hotels, man made islands, and indoor ski mountains.  Dude, F*CKING MOON SKIING AND SNOWBOARDING!  I just blew my own mind.  Sick backflips and sh!t, right?

Granted, you have to have sweet moon bases because the lack of oxygen and the big swings in temperature could be a roadblock.  Maybe some sweet moon condos and country clubs for the 1%.  Good luck with Occupying the Moon, you God D@mned hippies!  Suck it!



Dude, imagine hitting a doobie on the moon and listening to Pink Floyd. The more I think about this, Newt may have totally convinced me to join his camp. If you can make the moon the 51st state, what can't you do? Those Rooskies will be running scared. Suck it commies!



-Big Ran

PS: Is Charlie Murphy on Newt's team or what? Chappelle had him beat on this by eight years. F*cking genius.



PPS:  I tried to post this Chappelle clip, but in a big surprise to me, it was not approved by Fox News.

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•  Dave Chappelle thought of this first anyway:  http://youtu.be/iRygA_sM6lM

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Read more: http://politics.blogs.foxnews.com/2012/01/25/gingrich-talks-plan-put-colony-moon#ixzz1kamTWSiy

Literally, How Every Zombie/Post-Apocalyptic Movie Starts

Search ends in Gwinnett for missing research monkey

By David Ibata 

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

3:58 p.m. Monday, August 22, 2011

The search in Gwinnett County for a missing research monkey is over.

Emory University’s Yerkes National Primate Research Center announced it has ended efforts to locate the animal. Known only as “EP13,” the 2-year-old rhesus macaque was discovered missing on June 15.

“Despite extensive efforts by Yerkes staff, we have not been able to locate this research animal,” Dr. Stuart Zola, director of Yerkes, said in a prepared statement issued last week.

“Efforts included searching the Yerkes property numerous times, conducting multiple census counts of the research animals and working with Gwinnett County Animal Control to follow up on 26 reported ‘sightings’ in the metro Atlanta area,” Zola said.

Zola said he has directed Yerkes staff to continue taking steps to prevent any such future occurrences, including using microchip technology to better track the animals and increasing security and video surveillance at the center.

The center will also pursue any recommendations regulatory authorities may make, he said. Earlier this summer, Yerkes officials met with representatives of the U.S. Department of Agriculture and the Georgia Department of Natural Resources to discuss steps they had taken in the search.

With the search ended, “we are focusing on our research operations at the center and doing things to ensure this would not happen again,” Lisa Newbern, a Yerkes spokeswoman, said in a telephone interview Monday.

If someone should see the monkey, she said, “people are still welcome to give us a call at 404 727-7732, or Gwinnett County Animal Control, 770 339-3200.”

It was hoped that Ep13 could be in or around the 117-acre Primate Research Center, but repeated searches proved fruitless.

Searchers had speculated the monkey fled into the nearby woods, possibly finding shelter in the surrounding Gwinnett suburbs or even going farther, venturing far outside of metro Atlanta. Yerkes has taken calls from people in other counties claiming to have seen her.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution on July 5 cited a Georgia Department of Natural Resources report that Yerkes waited five days before notifying authorities of the missing monkey.

The DNR report showed that after identifying that the monkey was missing on June 15, Yerkes staff started an immediate search of its grounds and on June 17 filed an incident report to the Institutional Animal Care and Use Committee, the oversight body for university animal testing.

Yerkes contacted the U.S. Department of Agriculture three days later, on June 20, and then the DNR on June 22. The last time Yerkes had conducted a full head count of the monkeys was May 26, when the group was being transported within the facility.

The report also said that five days into the search, a Yerkes veterinarian believed the primate might be deceased. The veterinarian speculated the missing monkey had fallen into a crevice and died, or that a hawk had captured it.

Meanwhile, about 20 area residents filed a complaint with Lawrenceville and Gwinnett authorities against the primate research center, saying it did not belong in a residential area because of the threat escaped animals could pose to neighbors.

Operated by Emory University, Yerkes is one of eight federally funded national primate research centers. It keeps a total of about 3,400 primates at a 25-acre campus in Atlanta and the 117-acre field station in Lawrenceville. The field station, which opened in 1966, is home to 1,899 rhesus macaques and 2,220 animals overall.

I am currently blogging this while driving to Canada.  I promised myself I would only move to Canada under two conditions:

1.  If Sarah Palin was elected President.

2.  If a research monkey escaped.

This is, literally, how every zombie/virus movie starts.  Outbreak, 28 Days Later, That ridiculously frustrating zombie movie with Will Smith, all of them.  GTFO while the GTFO-ing is still good.  Viva la Canada, unless you are in any other province than Quebec, then it's just English.

Cut to a movie scene:  Movie President:  "FIND THIS F*CKING RESEARCH MONKEY S.T.A.T!!!!!!!!!!"

-Big Ran

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M-A-R-S.  Mars, bitches.  UH-YEAH-YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!