Marathon Update (Unintentional Irrational Rant)

I don't want this to turn into an irrational rant, but I am well past my wit's end with the marathon talk in the office.  We have an intern that ran it as well and she wasn't in the office yesterday, so today is her day to shine.  By shine, I mean wear not only a warm up jacket, but a running shirt, and warm up pants, all with "Boston Marathon" or "BAA" emblazoned on them.  This is all I heard about at lunch.  Running through Wellesley, cramping calves, crying when she finished.  Man, oh, man, enough already.  I can't take it anymore and I have just started making really passive aggressive comments about it, like asking her if she ran the marathon because I hadn't heard about it.  That I flipped over for 3 minutes on TV to watch a Kenyan win, then went right back to the Sox game.  If you haven't figured this out yet, I'm a total dick.

Another thing I have absolutely no interest in hearing about is if you went to watch the marathon or ran part of it with a friend.  So, you stood nut-to-butt with people in a crowd and WATCHED people jog by?  Holy shit, you should get the key to the city.  Yeah, you really played a major role in pushing people to their athletic potential by wasting your day watching people exercise.  To be honest, I think I may be more help if I bring a lawn chair to the gym, park it next to the treadmills, and just cheer for people there.  Who needs more inspiration: the people running a race they have been training the last few months or years for, or the people trying to crank out a few miles after working all day and then commuting home.  I'll go with the latter.

Today I also had the stories about people who ran with their friends for a couple of miles to keep them going. Piss off.  You are absolutely trying to take credit for them finishing the race.  Yeah, you are totally the John Stockton of the marathon, just dishing out assists to everyone who couldn't have done it without you.

So, enough.  Enough with it all.  You are all really good at exercising.  Except you lazy fucks who watched it in person.  You're lazy and couldn't think of anything better to do on a day off.

Look at that, this is today's irrational rant.

-Big Ran

Office Etiquette

Coworkers who run the Boston Marathon.

Yesterday was Patriot's Day, a.k.a. Marathon Monday in Massachusetts.  I had the day off, which was the tits, so I watched baseball in the morning and early afternoon, took a nap, walked my dog, and watched Tron Legacy.  Big day yesterday.  However, many people chose to run 26.2 miles into Boston yesterday.  To each his own.

I feel like I have to put some disclaimers out there before I dive into this one.  I know it's hard, it takes dedication, blah, blah, blah.  I respect most people that do it and I get it, back in the day I ran a lot and last year I ran a half marathon, so I get it.  I also want to say that I have a coworker and friend that runs The Boston Marathon and none of this applies to her because she doesn't make a big deal of it and will only mention it if you ask her first.

Anyway...

So, you have a coworker that ran the marathon?  Great.  Congratulations to them and I am sure most of them aren't incredibly douchey about it.  However, we have all met the people that are and this is them in a nutshell:

They announce to EVERYONE in the office what they plan on doing so you can have constant conversations about their training and long runs.  They wear sneakers in the office, but it's OK because they are training for the marathon.  They try to get you into long distance running or training for a marathon just like them.  They wear workout gear that is NOT designed for their body type (think Rosie O'Donnell in under armor).

They get super-healthy with their diet, which is fine, but then proceeds to tell you the carb-protein-trans fat breakdown of your lunch.  Wears the "Boston Marathon" warm up jacket everyday for like six months.  Is so sore the next day that they cannot walk up or down stairs and they never fail to mention that.

If you are so sore after you run that you can barely walk, take a vacation day on Tuesday.  I love how some people think they should have a free day or comp day because they ran a marathon.  Dude, you chose to do this, no one forced it on you.  That's like me not coming into the office tomorrow because I watched the Celtics playoff game, drank a case of Bud Heavies, then stayed up to watch the Sox on the west coast and I am too tired to get up at 6 AM.  That's a marathon too.

I think you get one day.  One day, Tuesday, to wear your jacket, tell your stories, and complain about being sore.  That's it and I think that is incredibly generous.  Other than that, STFU and do your job so I don't have to stay late.  You are not a "marathoner" if you ran it once in five and a half hours. 

So, congrats, you survived, hopefully while not going to the bathroom on yourself, and at this point you have about 90 minutes left to milk it.

-Big Ran