India Doing What India Does Best...Be Crazy as F*ck

New Delhi - In India's remote and poverty-stricken areas, health resources and qualified doctors can be scarce. Many people still rely on faith-based healers, who sometimes promote outlandish theories about how the body works.

Shyamali Singh is a high school student in West Bengal's Midnapur district who holds a wild belief about dog bites.

He said getting bitten by a dog leads to the birth of puppies. The victim gets puppies inside his body and becomes like a mad dog.

So-called "puppy pregnancy syndrome" has a long history in the locality.

Psychiatrist Kumar Kanti Ghosh helped document the phenomenon for an article in the medical journal Lancet in 2003. His interest started when a nine-year-old boy came to his clinic about 10 days after being bitten by a domesticated dog.

"There was no issue of rabies," Ghosh said. "But he believed that he had developed a pregnancy with a puppy inside his abdomen. His parents said that sometimes he was barking like a dog and was crawling on his four feet.”

Farmer Gopal Singh is one of Singh's patients who was bitten by a dog about seven years ago. He said he went running to the faith healer- who explained that puppies would be born inside his stomach and he would become like a mad dog and die."


So, would the puppies be half human and half puppy or would they be straight puppy?  I guess the combo could be interesting, but I think I would prefer just regular puppies.  If you don't think I'm smearing a raw steak over my wife's arms tonight and hoping for some more puppies, you don't know me well.

-Big Ran

PS:  If you don't think I live up to my self-imposed nickname of "Picasso of YouTube" now, then you need to move to Communist Russia, because I pulled this one out of the ether, man.

PPS:  I don't know how many rupees you would have to pay me to go to India, but I don't know if there is a big enough number.

Ho-Hum, Just Another Dog Saving the Day

St. Petersburg, Florida -- A St. Petersburg dog is being called a hero for helping to save a 

17-year-old girl from an attack.

The teen was volunteering for the Friends of Strays animal shelter on a Saturday
afternoon, a few weeks ago.

As she walked down a path behind the building with Mabeline, a Rhodesian
Ridgeback mix, the girl was attacked.

Pinellas County deputies say Michael Bacon, a registered sexual predator, chased her
down, grabbed her by the hair, then pinned her down.

The teen couldn't get loose, but the 38-pound dog did, scaring the attacker off,  and allowing the girl to escape.

"To see something like that happen, it's just unfathomable," said Donna Thomas,
from Friends of Strays, adding they've never had any problems before. "...a dog,
its bark, its growl, and defending its owner, is always a deterrent."

But Mabeline, described as an "absolute sweetheart" is hardly what many think of as
a guard dog.

Since the attack, she was adopted out.

The new owner, Mary Callahan, had no idea what her new four-legged friend had
done, until 10 News told her.

"I looked at my dog and I thought you are a hero," Callahan explained.

It's a feisty side Callahan hasn't seen, but she's glad to have the extra protection.

"I like that.  I like that a lot," she said.



38 pounds of awesomeness.  I'm so pumped Maybellene was adopted and is given ham.  Awesome.


It's Friday, people, go adopt some dogs and give them ham!



-Big Ran

Check Out This Smug Prick

There was another video I wanted to post, but I couldn't embed it, so this one will suffice.  I don't try to get political on this blog, but I had to throw this out there.  I was never going to vote for Romney.  However, I question anyone who would strap their family dog to the roof of their car for 12 hours.  I will readily admit, I am a sap for dogs.  Dogs are F*CKING AWESOME.  Then there's Nit Mitt backpedaling about not knowing the law and saying his dog loved it up there.  Throwing his dog under the bus (no pun intended), and not understanding that this has nothing to do with the law -classic.

I am at a loss for words.  All I can say is that when Hitler thinks your being inhumane, you really have to reevaluate your life.



To channel Tupac...

F*ck Mitt Romney as a staff, a campaign, and a mutha f*ckin' crew.  And if you wanna be down with Mitt Romney, then f*ck you too.

-Big Ran

Loose Change

Here are a few things I wanted to cover before heading to the Cs game today.

1.  We are literally the only website in the world that contain's Jason Terry's quote, "I seen her stroke and it's all flame."  I heard this during one of those College Basketball All Star/Skills Competitions they have on ESPN every April after the national championships.  In the Spring of 1999, Jason Terry was at Arizona and lost a three point contest to a women's player.  When the sideline reporter was trying to goad him into saying something stupid about losing to a girl, that's the gem he came up with.  Smooth as silk, that Jason Terry; it has been my favorite quote since then.

2.  You have to check out the following story from the Ottawa Sun about a woman being bitten by a dog.

As a dog owner, I would feel terrible if one of my dogs bit someone and hurt them.  With that said, this woman who was bitten is so full of sh!t on every level it's amazing.  First of all, why the f*ck are you sticking your face in the face of a dog you don't know.  That's f*cking bizarro world stuff right there.  Watch the video, because I'm going point-by-point here:

*She says she wouldn't do it for $50K.  Really?  I mean, her nose is banged up in the picture with the stiches, but please.  I would take a bite from a shih tzu and stiches on my nose for $50K, just sayin'.

*It has been a really rough six months since the dog bite.  Dude.  Stitches, and $50K in six months?  Again, I'll take it.

*The picture of her busted up shnozz is rough, but again, why the f*ck would you put your face right in a dog's grill if you didn't know them?  This isn't a kid we're talking about, that's a totally different story, this is a grown ass woman.

*Dogs in beer stores and the doctor's office.  That's friggin awesome.  Canada for the win.

*The lawsuit wasn't about the money and she wouldn't have sued the dog's owner if the woman had just apologized.  My bullsh!t meter is beeping off the charts right now.  A woman that mentioned paying bills half a dozen times in two minutes wasn't looking to cash in?  Child, please.  I'm not saying I wouldn't do the same thing, but let's be f*cking real.  An apology doesn't pay the bills, honey.

*God bless plastic surgeons, huh?  Dude, I bet she has a better looking nose now than before AND got some lipo while she was in there.  I smell insurance fraud.

*Finally, what the hell does a pit bull killing a shih tzu a few days before this incident have to do with anything?  Nice editing Ottawa Sun.

-Big Ran

PS:  The Ottawa Sun wouldn't let me embed the video, so I looked for it on YouTube with the following search:  "ottawa sun woman bit by dog."

Here's the top few hits:

1. Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up (Just Awesome)

2. G20 Police Dog Bites Woman (Makes Sense)

3. Dog Bites Man (I wish this was Man Bites Dog)

4. he jump on my vagina because he gets so crazy

You know I'm not leaving here with out posting that one (it gets awesome at 1:28).  Good evening and have a pleasant tomorrow.  Apparently the dog has been vasectomied not castrated:  "He can make love, but he won't have babies."

I'm Converting ASAP!

Imagine Bark Mitzvah parties?!  Those would be so awesome.  You would never get sick of going to one of those!  Get me some Kosher dog food and a Rabbi on the double!

-Big Ran

PS:  Would you count neutering as a Briss?

The Dog Days of Summer

Police Say Woman Tried To Drown Dog At Nantasket Beach

BOSTON (CBS) – She’s still a little timid, but Foxy the terrier is doing great tonight.

“Far better than expected,” according to Martha Smith-Blackmore, with the Animal Rescue League of Boston. “She went through horrible trauma and for any dog to survive that it’s a miracle, but for a 14-year-old dog to survive that it’s really incredible.”

State Police say on Tuesday night Foxy’s owner, 60-year-old Barbara O’Driscoll of Cohasset, tried to drown the 12 pound pup at Nantasket Beach.

“It’s reprehensible, it’s horrifying, it’s terribly sad,” said Smith-Blackmore. “It’s sad of course from Foxy’s perspective, but I also have concerns for a person that is so sick, they’re potentially doing something like this.”

An eyewitness says she watched O’Driscoll drag Foxy by her leash into the ocean around 4:45 on Tuesday afternoon. The witness told police that O’Driscoll went up to her chest — little Foxy underwater and unable to swim, for several minutes, until the eyewitness says O’Driscoll pulled the dog’s lifeless body onto the shore and eventually up to her car.

That witness flagged down State Trooper Matthew Waples, who happened to be doing a routine patrol of the parking lot.

“When I saw the dog it was in the back seat of the car in the parking lot and the dog appeared to be dead,” Waples said. The trooper said O’Driscoll’s breath smelled of alcohol and she was not making coherent comments.

“She wasn’t really making too much sense at that point in time,” he explained. Published reports indicate that when asked why she had tried to drown her dog, O’Driscoll kept repeating, “It’s just a dog”.

Hull’s animal control officer, Leslie Badger, raced to the scene, grabbed Foxy, and headed to the South Shore Animal Hospital in Weymouth. But on the way, Foxy’s soft heartbeat started to fade.

“I kept my hand on her and as I was driving down the road I could feel that it was getting even less and less of a heartbeat,” she says.

Badger made the decision to pull over on the side of the road and, “administer CPR on the dog, both chest compressions and mouth to mouth, or mouth to snout as everyone likes to say.”

Foxy coughed up seawater and sand — and hung on just long enough.

She is now spending time in a special oxygen-rich cage, with an I-V drip in her leg. Her doctors say she had made a remarkable recovery but is not yet out of the woods. Her medical care, paid by the Animal Rescue League of Boston, is expected to cost between $6,000 and $8,000.

“She’s a really sweet dog,” adds Martha Smith-Blackmore with the Animal Rescue League of Boston. “She’s really nice, very quiet, very calm, and doesn’t seem to be ruffled by all the activity in the ICU.”

WBZ tried to contact O’Driscoll at her Cohasset home, but no one answered the door. A neighbor tells us Foxy actually belongs to O’Driscoll’s elderly father.

In any event, the dog will not be going back there. Foxy will likely be placed in a doggy-foster home until a suitable home is found.

O’Driscoll faces charges that include animal cruelty.

Listen, I'm going to tell you guys something that you may already know. I F*CKING LOVE DOGS. I don't care what type of dog, what size they are, dogs are just awesome. As I have said here in the past, they are way better than people. I will never watch any movie where a dog dies because I will f*cking lose my sh!t. I am tearing up just typing that sentence.

This woman who tried to drown Fox obviously needs to be put down herself. Just drown her in the prison toilet right now. I can't even talk about her, so lets move on to Foxy, who is obviously as G as can mutha f*ckin' be.  I hope she finds a home that gives her everything she could possibly want and then some.

Also, my star of the month goes to Lesley Badger who gave Foxy mouth-to-snout. BEST ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER EVER. M-V-P! M-V-P!


*KC Jones Note: I agree wholeheartedly with Big Ran. And, even if I didn't like dogs, I still would think that anyone who hurts an animal should be PUT DOWN. Actually, they should throw this woman to a pack of wild dogs and just let them enjoy their new snack. Remember something, serial killers typically have a history of starting off by injuring animals. I can't even watch the ASPCA commercials without crying, so when I hear this stuff, I lose it. 

What's My Name?

Ok, so, due to some life changes that were out of my control (namely, becoming suddenly single after my boyfriend of over three years just suddenly walked out on me and our home out of nowhere---seriously!), I'm considering getting a dog. I need help in the healing process and even though I used to be the #1 anti-pooch person, I feel totally different now. I owe this change of heart to Ceasar, my ex's Pitbull, who was the most loyal, loving, snuggly dog ever. We were arch rivals in many ways as I ran around cleaning up after he left his hair all over the house, but in the end, I truly loved this little guy. Unfortunately, I have no idea what happened to our relationship, and seemingly overnight, and without warning, I am left single and dog-less now.

So, where is this post going? I know that you're all used to our lighthearted, ridiculous posts. Don't worry, this one will not disappoint. I apologize for the depressing preface, but I had to let everyone know what's going on. That's why Big Ran, one of my best friends, has been carrying the blog for a while now. He's amazing, isn't he?  So, as I've been on petfinder.com I've noticed that there seems to be a plethora of dogs with RIDICULOUS names. The names are not only ridiculous for the dogs, but embarrassing for certain people whose images and likenesses are being used without their permission.


Consider the following:

1. Kelly Clarkson: Yes, that's right. A greyhound named after an American Idol winner. Unbelievable. I fail to see the similarities or how this could have even happened. How embarrassing would it be to call the vet and let them know you had to bring in your dog named Kelly Clarkson? How dumb would your neighbors think you were if they heard you calling "Kelly Clarkson" back into the house after she'd been out for a while running around. And, more importantly, what would Kelly Clarkson say if she found out? Ummmm...I'd be kind of embarrassed. On a side note, if you're interested in adopting Kelly (the canine, not the singer), check out the link: http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/16344722

Kelly Clarkson

Kelly Clarkson

2. Clarissa Billburry: What? This female German Shepherd most likely wouldn't have picked this name for herself. Also, why are people giving their dogs last names? I thought that their last name would be your last name? German Shepherds are suppose to be this strong, smart, intimidating breed. With a name like that, she's just going to get a lot of 'huhs'? and 'excuse mes?' And, because this isn't a celebrity name, how did someone come up with it? She's a homeless dog, dealing with a heart problem, hasn't she been through enough? I could totally deal with Clarissa, but the last name is what really gets me wondering. Check her out, she's cute! http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/19517626

3. Travis Billbury: See #2's commentary. I'm guessing they must be siblings. If not, I'm not sure what to say. http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/19517632

4. Ol' Man: Unacceptable. This is a dog, and he deserves a real name. Sounds like someone was just lazy. This is the equivalent of naming your newborn baby, 'kid' or 'child'. I hope this little guy gets adopted and given a real name. http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/17769008

5. Candy the Wacky Lab: Um, how about just Candy? It's not like you'd name a little boy w/ asthma "Jack the asthmatic boy". It just seems ridiculous to me. Whoever did this does not deserve a pet, ever. Also, that name isn't much of a selling point. Who wants a dog that's already being classified as wacky? *Please note, she also has a brother named "Wizard the Magic Lab". Poor little guy! http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/18464313

6. Henry Thomas: If he were a child, he'd be picked on at school with a name like that. Again, just Henry? Fine. Just Thomas? Cool. Henry Thomas=Nerd Alert. I wonder if he has a last name because it seems clear that he has a first and middle name. The good thing for this pup is that he's a pitbull, so if any of the other doggies taunt him, he can just maul them and put an end to it. http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/16866196

7. Snookie: While Snookie from "The Jersey Shore" is truly an animal in so many ways, it's simply not fair to this dog. Fail! http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/18812820

8. Fanny: No. Frigin. Way. Unfair! I pray that this dog is adopted and given a new name very quickly. Who would do that? http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/18444366

These were some that caught my attention, but there are plenty of others. Go to Petfinder.com to search for yourself and remember my simple rules for naming pets:

1. Avoid naming after celebrities. There CAN be an occasional exception to this rule, but think long and hard before you do it.
2. Avoid giving full names (middle and last names are not necessary).
3. Give REAL names (I'd much rather prefer "Henry Thomas" as dorky as it is, to say, "Bubbles". That's just degrading and/or lazy!)
4. Do not give them generic names such as Fido or Garfield.
5. Do not name them after an animal they aren't. For example, "Tiger". That's just not true and it's stupid.
6. Be creative, but consider how you'd feel if it were your name.
7. Do not name them with titles. For example, Prince, Princess, Dutchess. Gross.
8. No naming after body parts (see #8 above).

We here at "The Takeover" will call the ASPCA if we find out any of our rules have been broken.

-KC Jones

*Big Ran Note:  First of all, I am very, very happy to have KC back in the fold.  There is NO doubt that I am a much funnier person when she has input here.

Secondly, this is a great post.  Mrs. Big Ran and I are getting a second dog next week and it's a girl.  I have NO IDEA what to name her.  Male dogs are easy to name, it can be almost any male name or after something you like.  A friend of mine named her dog Cisco, after Cisco Breweries on Nantucket, it's perfect.  We named our first dog Otis, after Otis Redding.  My dog growing up was named Buddie.  Male dogs are much easier to find a name for.

With all that said, how friggin' awesome are dogs?  They are honestly the best things in the world.  DOgs are WAY better than people.

Big Ran PS:  What happened to Kelly Clarkson?

KC Jones Says: She looks like Meatloaf!

Big Ran note:  If Meatlof and Willie Nelson could have a child, this would be it.