Not Pretty, but I'll Take It

 

 If you had told me before game one of this series that the Knicks would lose Big Shot (and Big Teeth) Billups during crunch time of game one and Amare for a lot of game two, I would have bet the house on the C's not only winning, but winning big.  However, the C's bench has been turrible and they have not been playing any defense.  I have to give the Knicks credit for hanging tough and doing all they can, but I don't think they can hang around, even in MSG, without Billups and Amare.  If they are both out again, bank on Rondo racking up some serious stats.  With that said, I have no idea what to expect in this series going forward.  This could come back to Boston after the C's sweep, up 3-1, or with the series tied.

It was nice to see KG come up huge on the last couple of possessions with a big hoop and a great steal after giving up a go-ahead bucket to Jared Jeffries.  ESPN did a little research and found that during this current Big Three era, the Celtics have had nine situations where they needed a go-ahead hoop with less than ten seconds to go and they have never gone to Garnett.  So, as a long-time Celtics and KG fan, I was pumped to see him deliver offensively when it mattered most.  While he was in Minnesota, there was always talk about him not being a clutch player, so it was nice for him to have a little redemption, even though he didn't really need it.

The Kicks need Amare to have a shot.  I don't think you can give the Celtics two days to prepare and only have Melo doing his best Jimmy Chitwood impression.  I've had back spasms before and they're terrible.  I'm also a huge pussy, who sits in an office all day, not a world class ath-a-leet.  The Knicks need to get Amare some serious muscle relaxers and have Spike Lee give him a deep tissue massage or else we know what may happen:

 *KC Jones note: I'm reconsidering my collaboration with Big Ran on this blog after his very hurtful "Mr. Big Teeth" comment. He knows I loves me some Chauncey.....

Humpday Holla-back

For this Wednesday's "Humpday Holla-back", I'd like to showcase one of my favorite rappers, Fabolous. I think he's one of the most underrated rappers in the game. Seriously, I don't think there's anything he's done that I DON'T like....

Couple of things that make this video, like it's creator, FABOLOUS:

1. He's keepin' it real, he leaves a chauffeured vehicle and slides down a stairway railing to catch public transportation as a way to meet the ladies. What?! Who does that? Fabolous, that's who.
2. Around the 51 second mark- NICE phone!
3. At the1:03 mark, a cameo from Pharrell Williams of the Neptunes/N.E.R.D- instantly classes the video up.
4. At the1:37 mark, he sitting with his boombox.. Where did this come from? He didn't have it with him when he hopped on at the beginning.
5. Magical outfit changes while on the Subway. 
6. At the 2:54 mark: The nerdy white businessman is busting a move. Watch him throughout the entire video, this grand finale was just brewing the whole time.
7. Dance Party U.S.A. on the Subway. The public transportation industry has never been cast in such a positive light.

There are so many other things we well, but these are my favorite. I've included the lyrics below in case you'd like to sing along:

Brooklyn, uh uh uh uh
Huh Huh uh huh do it huh Yea
Uh Uh do it huh huh what ya'll want huh

Rollin, gold two seater
Stash in the dash
Hole through heaters
Blockahhhhh put holes through beaters
Ghetto Fab stroll through Cheetahs
Ballin, Brooklyn dawn
Addicted to Crys hooked on Don
15 G's hookers on
Ma, I wanna see how you look in thongs
Hustlin, guys that send Po's
Cause I chop rocks the size of mentos
Blame me, trials aquit those
Look at the hurt your eyes will squit close
Pimpin' here's a new way to flirt
Listen to the two way alert
It goes (2 way beeps in song's beat)
Lets go VIP boo raise your skirt

[Chorus]
Holla back Young'n (Hoooo Hoooo!)
Holla back (Hoooo Hoooo!)
Holla back Young'n (Hoooo Hoooo!)
Holla back (Hoooo Hoooo!)
Holla back Young'n (Hoooo Hoooo!)
Holla back (Hoooo Hoooo!)
Holla back Young'n (Hoooo Hoooo!)
Holla back (Hoooo Hoooo!)

I'm Gangsta
Ya'll just wannabe's
Federal Agents on their P's
30 grand 28 on the keys
Gotta good lawyer I'm gonna squeeze
Thuggin' jeans and Tim's
Fitted to the front lean the brim
Ride but never on teenage rims
And I keep a chick's face between limbs
Stylin ya'll heard about my kick game
I'm on the parkway see me at the Knick game
Probably seen this tatted on your chick frame
F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S
Ridin Ya'll know as well I do
That's the way you can tell I flew
So I got a deal I sell pot too
Cause before I hit the pens I'm gettin bailed by Clue

[Chorus]

Cruisin top on the Mercedes low
Turn us up when you hear this on the radio
Blastin with the nineteen eighty flow
Make the necks on the ladies go (wooo wooop)
Holla that's what a pretty thug will do
Hit Branson get a fifty jug or two
Ya'll throwin on them gritty mugs for who
Like ya'll don't know what fifty slugs will do
Hatin I just bought the bulls
I put ya'll in the front page articles
I got em lookin at the billboard charts confused
And I still freestyle to start the Clue's
Reppin I'm that kid about the doe
I done copped coke and started droughts before
Shit Platinum out the door
Now I drop the top down just to shout to hoes

[Chorus]
-KC Jones

Holy Bleeping Sh!t

WAY too close, but it's still a W and they are up 2 - 0.  Dial it up...



-Big Ran

Ronny Turiaf Needs to Get Punched in the Dick

I don't care if he played for Gonzaga.  I don't care if he had a heart transplant (OK, open heart surgery).  The dude needs to get a really aggressive cup check.  Plus, he's French.  Everyone load up on your freedom fries and your freedom toast, drape yourself in red, white, and blue, and root for the Celts.  That's what real Americans do.

-Big Ran

PS: Fuck Spike Lee

Gametime, Bitches!

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

In honor of more playoff hoops tonight, we have a rivalry with a little international flavor.  Skip to the one minute mark and the action picks up.  My favorite part is the description of this video:


it started off with a bad foul from brazil which cause the chinese player a neck injuries,and the referee didnt call a foul on the brazil player
Please subscribe on my channel and give me thumbs up,and have a nice day

Thumbs up, buddy.  Thumbs up.  Super terrific.

In all honesty, this makes the Pistons-Pacers brawl look like a tickle fight.  Imagine if David Stern had been the commissioner and this went down?  He'd still be doling out fines and Ron Artest would have had electro-shock treatment.

-Big Ran

PS: Not sure how my font is all banged up.  Peace out, bitches.

Tuesday Trivia...

 If you're like me, you're not well versed in matters pertaining to the NHL. However, since Mr. KC Jones enjoys hockey, I have found myself watching it more and more over the past three years. Now that the Bruins are facing the Montreal Canadiens in the playoffs, I've been wondering about why they are sometimes referred to as the "Habs". Seriously, what is the connection and what could that POSSIBLY mean? So, on this dreary Tuesday afternoon, I'd like to drop some knowledge on you. If you are wondering what this means and/or how it came about, click on the following link. I know I'll sleep more soundly tonight.

 http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_are_the_Montreal_Canadiens_called_the_Habs

Oh, and by the way, Go B's!

-KC Jones

Office Etiquette

Coworkers who run the Boston Marathon.

Yesterday was Patriot's Day, a.k.a. Marathon Monday in Massachusetts.  I had the day off, which was the tits, so I watched baseball in the morning and early afternoon, took a nap, walked my dog, and watched Tron Legacy.  Big day yesterday.  However, many people chose to run 26.2 miles into Boston yesterday.  To each his own.

I feel like I have to put some disclaimers out there before I dive into this one.  I know it's hard, it takes dedication, blah, blah, blah.  I respect most people that do it and I get it, back in the day I ran a lot and last year I ran a half marathon, so I get it.  I also want to say that I have a coworker and friend that runs The Boston Marathon and none of this applies to her because she doesn't make a big deal of it and will only mention it if you ask her first.

Anyway...

So, you have a coworker that ran the marathon?  Great.  Congratulations to them and I am sure most of them aren't incredibly douchey about it.  However, we have all met the people that are and this is them in a nutshell:

They announce to EVERYONE in the office what they plan on doing so you can have constant conversations about their training and long runs.  They wear sneakers in the office, but it's OK because they are training for the marathon.  They try to get you into long distance running or training for a marathon just like them.  They wear workout gear that is NOT designed for their body type (think Rosie O'Donnell in under armor).

They get super-healthy with their diet, which is fine, but then proceeds to tell you the carb-protein-trans fat breakdown of your lunch.  Wears the "Boston Marathon" warm up jacket everyday for like six months.  Is so sore the next day that they cannot walk up or down stairs and they never fail to mention that.

If you are so sore after you run that you can barely walk, take a vacation day on Tuesday.  I love how some people think they should have a free day or comp day because they ran a marathon.  Dude, you chose to do this, no one forced it on you.  That's like me not coming into the office tomorrow because I watched the Celtics playoff game, drank a case of Bud Heavies, then stayed up to watch the Sox on the west coast and I am too tired to get up at 6 AM.  That's a marathon too.

I think you get one day.  One day, Tuesday, to wear your jacket, tell your stories, and complain about being sore.  That's it and I think that is incredibly generous.  Other than that, STFU and do your job so I don't have to stay late.  You are not a "marathoner" if you ran it once in five and a half hours. 

So, congrats, you survived, hopefully while not going to the bathroom on yourself, and at this point you have about 90 minutes left to milk it.

-Big Ran

Who ya Got tonight?

Spike Lee

vs.

Flo Allen

Even if you're a Knicks fan, wouldn't you rather have Ray's Mom on your side than Spike?  I think if I was a Knicks fan, Spike would piss me off to no end for making all their fans seem like absolute yahoos.  Get off the court dude, I don't care how long you've had those season tickets.  Ray's Mom runs marathons for charity and stays off the court.  When the worst thing you can say about her is that she wears bedazzled jerseys, that beats orange babushkas all day long.

-Big Ran

Lunchtime Look-a-like

Happy Monday! Hopefully you all had a great, relaxing weekend and are excited to be back at the grind for yet another week. I'm also hoping you've already eaten because today's look-a-like might make you lose your appetite.

I have had discussions about redheads with my friends, and the general consensus is this: they are either super attractive or just horrific looking. None of us have ever encountered one who is just 'average'. Regardless of whether or not you agree with this statement, I'm 99% sure you WILL agree that both of these redheads are just point blank offensive, in every capacity.

Carrot Top aka Clowny

 

Kathy Griffin aka Carrot Top

So, here are my main reasons for the comparison:

1. Both are scary looking redheads who have undergone cosmetic surgery, leaving them looking like walking, talking wax sculptures. Seriously, look at each of them, or better yet, look at some videos of each of them. There is very limited movement over their faces.
2. Kathy Griffin was born a woman, Carrot Top seemingly strives to be one (but androgyny seems to work better for him). 
3. Both claim to be comedians, but neither one of them is funny, except in the looks department. 
4. Both are terribly obnoxious and offensive in many cases. In my research to substantiate this claim, I found many articles online bashing them.
5. Each of them have high arching, perfectly shaped eyebrows (ok, ok, so maybe KC Jones is a little jealous of that---but still, I'd rather be me than them).

P.S. I'm just thinking, if they mated, they MIGHT produce something like this, but then again, he is actually talented, and Carrot Top is DEFINITELY shooting blanks, if anything at all....

Shaun White

What do you think? We'd love to hear from you!

-KC Jones