The Greatest Show On Earth

Despite the title, this post has nothing to do with a circus, at least not in the traditional sense. Instead, I'll be talking about the 'circus' I attended last night: Game 3 at the Boston Garden. Every single time I go to a Celtics game I'm left speechless by certain things I see. I feel selfish keeping all of these things to myself, so it's time to share with our loyal Takeover readers. Please note that even if you don't like hoops, you will LOVE this post because it's all about awesome and/or insane people in the general public.

Ready? Ok.

First of all, the fans in Boston are either awesome or obnoxious. And in some cases, they are both.And the experience at the Garden is always full of notable characters and situations.  Here are some pictures I snapped and some commentary about why a Celtics game is much like a circus.

1. Yup! You can actually BUY these giant heads at http://www.bigmugg.com/. I'm getting one ASAP. This couple was awesome. They were such great sports too, posing for pictures with people! I actually got my picture taken with a kid wearing a Shaq BigMugg. It was awesome. But if I showed you, I'd have to kill you.

2. Now, I've never been to another arena, so I don't know what happens elsewhere. I do know that in Boston, the Jumbotron is a source of endless entertainment, even when the game isn't going our way.  In addition to shout outs like the one pictured above, all sorts of awesome fans are showcased up there. BigMugg Mike and Tommy, for example. Even more entertaining are the shots of insane dancing fans played up there throughout the games or people who have no idea they're up there when they are. How about an Eddie Money look a like wearing a sports coat with NO shirt under it dancing as though he was having a seizure? That was awesome. Unfortunately, the picture came out blurry. Sorry!

3. Verbally abusive fans are the best. Boston's fans are the most verbally abusive ones ever. From what I've seen over 8 years as a season ticket holder, Boston would definitely win that award if the league was handing it out. Boston fans have been called classless for years, especially after some showed up wearing 'blood' covered wife beater T-shirts or signs declaring "Hey Kidd, this wife beater's for you" when the Celtics faced the Nets in the ECF's in 2002. I've heard older players harassed mercilessly with comments about nursing homes, walkers, wheelchairs, etc and when the C's used to play the Pacers, signs stating "Someone give Reggie Miller a protein shake" were not uncommon. Some fans are so sharp I don't even know where they come up with this stuff.  Profanity isn't cool because although I find it hilarious,  peeps pay good money to go to these games without having to be exposed to that. (Also, children should never have to be exposed to that). Some of the best in my area during Game 3:
 -"I'm going to punch you in the mouth"-Directed towards referee #26 who was hosing the C's at every chance he got.
-"Hey Lebronnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, you are a LOT like Judas, a LOTTTTTTTTTTT"-Directed towards Lebron during a break in the action. This dude was sitting just a row in front of us on the floor and he was remarkable. He also believed that throwing his green rally towel in the air would result in the Heat missing ALL of their free throw shots.
-"DWade Sucks"-Obviously directed at D-Wade when he 'helped' Rondo dislocate his elbow. There's nothing like 18,000 fans screaming this at a pivotal moment in the game.
-The "BOOS" heard round the world. I've NEVER heard ANYONE booed with more fervor and a louder volume than the Heat's starting lineup was last night.
-There were also random shouts directed towards Baby Bron Bron about him mom and Delonte West. "Lebron, how's your mother?", etc.  Those are always classic. Instant comedy.
So many others, so little blogging time...

4. Mascots. So, not only do we have Lucky the Leprechaun (and thank GOD the current incarnation is MUCH less creepy and cooler than the 'little man'/possible Level 1 Sex Offender before him), but we also have an unofficial mascot named "Aztec Gino" who is at EVERY SINGLE game. This dude also shows up at Red Sox games, on Boston radio stations, etc. I don't know what his deal is except that he's awesome. And yes, he is dressed like this every single game. I went to a game in the dead of winter once and he was wandering around outside in JUST this. No coat, no nothing. Now that's gangsta.
 

My picture wasn't good, so I had to find this one online.

So Lucky and Gino are fixtures at the games, no shock there. Lucky is paid, A.G. does it simply the love of the game because, the NBA? It's a hell of a drug.  However, last night, God proved that He really loved me by placing this very special man in our section who very clearly was on one hell of a drug:

"Say it loud, I'm a C's fan and I'm proud!"

Yup! "Belize it or not" with an "18" in the middle. I've got nothing else to say.

 I don't know who he is, or what he is, and I've NEVER seen him there before. But he was awesome, and I've named him "Blucky the Bleprechaun". (Black Lucky the Black Leprechaun). Dude was dancing around, high as a kite, the ENTIRE time! His eyes were completely glazed over. I tried to get better pics, but he moved more quickly than my camera could capture. At one point, he and Lucky (White Lucky) even teamed up for a performance. Thank God Blucky didn't think he could do back flips or else it may have ended tragically. Bonus: When they started playing Bob Marley at the end of the game, this man was literally in Heaven, swaying back and forth, pointing to the sky. I'm hoping he starts showing up a LOT more often next season, I want to be best friends with him.

5. Asians. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying this in a racist way. I'm giving Asians (at least the ones who were at last night's game) props for being AWESOME. If you need proof read and see below:

Ah, Ray Arren and Kevin Garnett, I love you long time!

Halftime show? Asian woman on a unicycle catching plates on her head! All I can say is show me a white girl with that kind of talent.....ok, didn't think so....I wouldn't be surprised if this woman does perform in a circus somewhere.

And finally, I was unable to capture a picture of this, but it was my favorite. During the game, two signs kept being shown on the Jumbotron. We couldn't see the people as the signs were huge and held in front of their faces. One said "LAKER CAN'T" and the other, held next to it, said "BUT WE CAN". Yup, LAKER can't, not a typo. So, I was wondering why there wasn't an "S" at the end. I wonder this for about 40 out of 48 minutes. Well, the last time they were seen on the screen, I noticed that Asian people were holding them. Awesome. These people make everything THAT much better! They made the Celtics victory even sweeter and, had they lost, they would have taken some of the sting away just by their very presence.

There are plenty of other things as well, but this post is far too long, so I will stop here. Hopefully you enjoyed reading nevertheless. I know that all of these things make it much easier to pay $25 to park,  $5.50 for a pretzel with cheese, and $4 for a kid sized soda.

-KC Jones

Oh What a Night!!

*Ok, so I have a serious post about the Celtics. Serious is something we don't do very often here at "The Takeover". Stay tuned for a more typical post following this one.

When Mr. KC Jones and I headed into Boston last night to see Game 3 of the Celtics/Heat series, I'll admit, I was nervous. Truthfully, after the disasters we witnessed in Games 1 & 2, I can't say that I would have been shocked by another collapse in Game 3. Not because the C's aren't great, but because they are tired, their starters are older and injured, and about half of the roster is completely inexperienced in these situations (thanks Danny Ainge). Anyway, all I knew is that I would have been happy with a 1 point win, in double overtime if that's what it took.

But from the second we entered the Garden (despite looking like drown rats due to downpours), you could feel it was going to be an outstanding night for the boys in green. Now, you all know how the game went, so I don't need to get into it. The Celtics brought it, and they brought it big time. It was a totally different team compared to the one that showed up in Game 2. They played like men possessed, realizing the importance of the task at hand. With an immeasurable amount of passion, determination, and stifling defense (the final score reflected that as the C's were able to hold the Heat to 81 points in 48 minutes), the Celtics put the Heat back in their place and I can guarantee that they will feed off this energy for the rest of the series, and they will emerge victorious.

 Consider what happened: They were down 0-2 and could have folded easily because they truly do have every excuse in the book. Fortunately for Boston fans, they don't use excuses. Shaq returned, and despite injury and age, he was all in. His numbers weren't great, but his presence was. It's the intangibles, which are all too frequently overlooked in sports. Once again, the Celtics were victims of the worst refs in ALL of professional sports. Then, the unthinkable, Rondo's elbow was dislocated with a little help from D-Bag (aka DWade). We were pretty sure that was the end of him for the series, and we KNEW it was the end of him for the night. Guess we don't know anything at all though, because he returned, playing using only ONE ARM...and doing it well, along with a guarantee he WILL be playing on Monday night as well!

So, for all the ribbing I take from Big Ran and others for being a sports bigamist, etc, I just want to end this post by saying the Celtics deserve respect. Like them or not, they are unbelievably hard workers, and, in the words of Tony Allen, they 'nerquit'.  This doesn't mean I don't love my Spurs. This doesn't mean I don't love other players on other teams and love the league in general. But, what it does mean is that the Celtics are where my heart is.

-KC Jones

New Edition

Ok, I know that on Monday we were all thinking that things couldn't get better for our country and for the world. I mean, after all,our real American heroes (sorry G.I. Joe), picked off one of the most evil men in the history of civilization. I, for one, thought we had peaked as far as good news was concerned. But then, the following headline, first announced in March, was confirmed and added to the week's feelings of euphoria:

Bobby Brown Announces New Edition Reunion

That's right! New Edition, INCLUDING one of my favorite headcases, Bobby Brown, is going to be launching a World Tour. I always feel like those of us who enjoy a good old school R&B group are being neglected. After all, we have to hear about The Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block touring together, etc. But now, it's our turn! I'm mainly excited because I am DYING to see what the original fans of New Edition look like now. I'm imagining something like this, by renowned photographer,"MrUndaCova":

Big Ran, you interested? I'm sure Mrs. Big Ran would give you a free pass!

Also, if my Spidey Sense is as accurate as I believe it is, I'm thinking there will be a LOT of Personalized Jewelry on display at these shows.

Regardless, New Edition is just another reason why I'm proud to be an American. And seriously, with videos and slick dance moves (not to mention wardrobe choices) like this, how could you NOT be a fan?



Remember, these are Boston Boys, so we have to give them their props. Michael Bivins is a fixture at Celtics games, so he's alright by me.  Additionally each and every one of them had very successful careers after their voices changed as well, whether as solo artists (Ralph and Bobby) or as part of a trio (Bell Biv DeVoe, now you know!)

And, most importantly, without New Edition, who knows if the world would have ever been graced with behavior like this, from a self proclaimed "True American":



-KC Jones

Artest for President!

Greetings Takeover readers! First, I have to apologize for my lack of committment to the blog this week, but unfortunately the Corporation took over my life with quarter end. That being said, I'm sure everyone is just fine because we all know that NO ONE is funnier than Big Ran and he held it down all week! Every time I think he can't get funnier, BOOM, he pulls something else out of his sleeve.

Anyway, after this extremely long week that once again had me questioning my choice of college degree, I'd like to unwind by presenting you with what is possibly the most ridiculously hilarious thing I've ever seen/heard. As you might remember, a couple of weeks ago, we celebrated all things Ron Artest in order to congratulate him for winning the NBA Citizenship Award. But, sadly, all good things come to an end, and Wednesday night we were all questioning his actions. Ron Ron got ended up getting ejected and given a one game suspension for pulling a WWE move on the Dallas Mavericks' J.J. Barea. There was simply no need for this move and it hurt my heart, because I thought Ronnie was turning the corner. However, just as I was starting to doubt him, I stumbled across this video:



Okay, are you still in shock? I am. I swear that this is NOT a joke. I didn't make this--quite frankly, I'm not creative or awesome enough to come up with something like this. The dude wrote a rap song called "Afghan Women" and that is actually what the ditty is about. I don't even know what to say. I think if I were an "Afghan Woman" I'd be a little taken aback so say the least. I just kept thinking "What?!" over and over again. For real, a man who has had domestic abuse issues in the past is calling attention to the plight of subjugated Middle Eastern women? And then, I start wondering, 'Is he hitting on them with some of these lyrics?' It's rap lyrics set to ballad music and it's simply mind boggling. I don't know whether to throw up dubs or light some candles. Around the 3 minute mark is where I really lost it. I'd like to say this is ground breaking, and it is, but in a demented way. Also, I find it quite appropriate that the video closes out by flashing the words, "THE PAIN" across the screen, because my abs were in a tremendous amount of it from laughing hysterically for almost 4 minutes.

After seeing this video, I don't think anything will ever surprise me again. As a matter of fact, I'm starting to wonder if he'll be making a run for the White House in 2012. At the VERY least, Obama should consider adding him to his administration's cabinet. Clearly, he's well versed in international issues in addition to his domestic commitments. My only question? Who will be his running mate? Oh wait, never mind, I already know:

For anyone who was living in a cave in Afghanistan: This is Mike Tyson.

*And I have a feeling their campaign signs will feature pigeons, and lots of them*

-KC Jones

Can I Live In It?

So, the Kentucky Derby is this weekend and obviously, that brings out all the high rolling d-bags.  Apparently,  companies can get a spot or luxury box or something to that effect at Churchill Downs for $450,000.  Seven companies have done this for a total of $3.15 million.  For this, I'm sure they get open bar, food, etc, but also VIP bathrools that are capped at 175 people, so $18,000 per person.  This is just a touch less than my YEARLY mortgage.  I would have to trade living in my house for a year in order to be able to get the chance to go to the Kentucky Derby in the VIP section.  Plus, I'd probably have to buy a seersucker suit and go tanning.  Deal breaker. 

Just kidding, they wouldn't let this poor guy in, they raycess!

More VIP crapper pics:

-Big Ran

TGIF

I just got a text from someone that I don't know and all it said was "TGIF."  I texted back asking who it was, but they didn't respond.  I should have responded with something awesome, like, "Damn right, wanna bone?"  I didn't because I'm not awake yet.

Here's a little something to get your day started.  Party Like a Rock Star, but a piano cover, hey, it's still early and if you crank it in your cube, people will think you're classy.



-Big Ran

Update:  I got a text back that said "Sorry, wrong number."  I responded with "No problem, TGIF like a mofo anyway."

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!  Here are some Cinco de Mayo Drunks for everyone to enjoy as we celebrate our Mexican Pride!







-Big Ran

Fiesta!

I know he's from Equador, not Mexico, but really, what's the difference? The song is Spanish and we're celebrating Cinco de Mayo here at "The Takeover" and I'm sure Gerarado would be honored that we're including him. So everyone, get out your leather coats (with nothing underneath), shine up your dancing shoes, and get ready to bust a move to one of the most wildly popular songs of 1991.



Couple of thoughts:

First off, this video is absolutely amazing. Please note that this is the original video, not the American version that featured much longer hair, a DENIM jacket, a crocodile pool float, and some English verses (I've posted the link to that one below).  There's just SO much going on it's unreal. Who came up with this story line? Hey, let's have an Ecuadorian rapper dressed in super tight jeans, cowboy boots, and a leather jacket over a bare chest alternate between dancing with two of his amigos in a parking lot and grooving on a beach with crowds of brightly dressed women. I don't know who came up with it, but they are awesome, regardless. The video is basically 4 or 5 scenes that rotate for the entire length of the video, with absolutely atrocious lip-synching, so I'd like to make some observations:

1. The buildup for the first 10 seconds of the song. Gerardo and his homies crouched down, back to the camera, ready to pounce as soon as the beat drops.
2. Dios Mio! Look at his backup dancers! Not only are they both sporting Dirty Sanchez 'staches, but they each have a MULLET! One is all business, corralled in a ponytail while the other is more casual, flowing in the breeze from the industrial fans that were surely on set during this video shoot. Not only that, but they are COMPLETELY synchronized. This is like Christmas morning! 
3. 21 second mark, obligatory shots of brightly clothed women grooving. *Side note: much like "Party All the Time", these women are also anti-bra. Also, I find myself worrying that I'm going to see parts of their body that I shouldn't.
4. Just pause the video at the 35 second mark. What is going on? Why is that woman up in that concrete structure? Is G-Dog doing the running man? How happy is Dirty Sanchez #1? Everyone seems to be doing their own thing. Over-stimulation at it's finest.
5. 55 second mark. Ummmm...is that Gerardo in swim trunks? And is what he's simulating on that woman even allowed on television? No wonder why my mother was always trying to stop me from watching MTV. 
6. 1:06 mark: Wow, what a trio. I'm wondering if the hombre in the middle with the trumpet has his head down with his hat blocking his face from the camera because he's humiliated. He shouldn't be, this is the best day ever for him and he doesn't even know it yet.
7. 1:43 mark: Uh-oh. Gerardo was wil'in out with one senorita and another appears to literally jump into the frame. Are they about to have a dance off?
8. 1:52 mark: There is a God, and He has a KILLER sense of humor. Look at the crotch thrusting as he's crouched down. Wonder how the woman on the right feels about him caressing her leg when he's clearly more into himself than her.
9. 2:12 mark: Quick outfit change, white pants, but obviously still topless. Also, is that Saddam Hussein to the left in his younger days? Around 2:17 we see a Gerardo sang'wich being served. He doesn't care about the ladies on either side of him. Again, he's really taken by himself.
10. *Side note: The woman in the pink getup, she's an exception to the rule, she's definitely either wearing a padded bra OR she has MONSTER implants. Either way, I'm sure they pale in comparison to Gerardo's pecs (in his own mind anyway)
11. 3:03 mark: Again, what the hell is happening? What are those women wearing in their hair? If they get caught in the industrial fans, someone might be decapitated or at least scalped. ALSO, the style of the bottoms they are wearing would be classified by Victoria's Secret as a "HIGH LEG BRIEF". Sexy.  And look at G-Dog's curly locks flowing now that he lost his bandanna!
12. 3:08 mark: Is that a church in the background? Suddenly, I think God might not be happy.
13. 3:22 mark: And this is how Gerardo might end up as a level 3 sex offender. Although, this woman was stoic, leading me to think she may have been a mannequin. And, what is on the top of his left arm? What IS that? A nicotine patch?
14. 3:33 mark: New scene. We haven't seen this before. Clearly things are wrapping up for the day a la playa and he's getting ready for a fancy (but still shirtless) night out on the down with these two ladies. (They will spend the evening talking about his aversion to shirts and his killer pecs).
15. 3:38 mark: They are breaking it DOWN (or having seizures, I really can't tell) and of course, 4 seconds later we are blessed with an even closer crotch shot. 
16. 3:45 mark: Saddam's brother is the unsung hero of this video. Look at him dj'ing, topless, but with that ginormous hat. I'm just happy that he's protecting his delicate facial skin from el sol.
17. 3:52 mark: Oh shit! He's serious now! The prized leather coat just got ripped off and tossed to the ground!
18. 4:06 mark: Look at the pride in his posture as he looks to the left, surveying his kingdom and all he has accomplished in the past 4 minutes. Again, I know he's Ecuadorian, but you KNOW the Mexicans want to claim him as their own.

VH1/MTV Version: Seems like a slightly different story line, and obviously he'd been working on his hair for a while prior to this taping.


HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO PEEPS!

-KC Jones

Sexy Sax Man Taking You to Lunchtime

I literally laughed for five straight minutes.  Which came first though?



-Big Ran

Happy Cinco de Mayo everybody!

From Wikipedia:  

Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for "fifth of May") is a holiday held on May 5. It is celebrated nationwide in the United States and regionally in Mexico, primarily in the state ofPuebla.^[1][2][3][4] The date is observed in the United States as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride,^[5] and to commemorate the cause of freedom and democracy during the first years of the American Civil War.^[6] In the state of Puebla, the date is observed to commemorate the Mexican army's unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín.^[7][8] Contrary to widespread popular belief, Cinco de Mayo is not Mexico's Independence Day,^[9][10] the most important national patriotic holiday in Mexico, which occurs on September 16th.

You really do learn something new everyday.  We could be having a bender of epic proportions on September 16th and 17th as Mexican independence day runs right into St. Practice Day/Halfway to St. Patrick's Day/Halfway to KC Jones' birfday.  So, don't forget to celebrate your Mexican pride today (I'm looking at you, middle America) as well as really getting into it on September 16th.  

The more you know...

-Big Ran