Nothing I Say Can Top This Photo

In honor of the Mavs winning the Western Conference Championship, we'll bust out this classic photo.  Substitute J-Kidd, Tyson Chandler, and Shawn Marion, and I can see this being last night's celebration.

Remember the love triangle between J-Kidd, Jimmy Jackson, and Toni Braxton.  I always forget about that before realizing that J-Kidd had to return to the scene of that crime when he was traded to Dallas.

Comcast - The Dallas Mavericks were a young franchise on the rise during the mid '90s. That is until Toni Braxton entered the equation. That’s right, while the Bulls were running the Triangle Offense, Jason Kidd, Jim Jackson, and singer Toni Braxton were rumored to be involved in a love triangle. Supposedly Braxton went to the Mavs' hotel to pick Kidd up for a date, only to leave with his teammate. 


The Mavs were actually on their way to being an exciting team back in the mid-90s, then Jamal Mashburn blew out his knee and Toni Braxton had to come between (no pun intended) teammates and force the Mavs to trade Jackson.  Sad times in the Big D.  So we can all rejoice that the tide turned when Mark Cuban bought the team.


-Big Ran

KC Jones had not idea about this rumored love triangle. I wonder if these guys were glued to their televisions during T-Brax's "Dancing With The Stars" stint.....wow....amazing, you learn something new every day!

So Pumped for the Summer Blockbusters!

Looks good, huh?  In the traditions of James Bond, Jurassic Park, and other movies I can't remember that are huge hits for the summer, we have "The Smurfs."  Now, I don't have kids, but I know when I was a kid, I hated the Smurfs, so I don't think this is on my must see list.

I have a feeling KC will disagree and may actually camp out the night before to make sure she gets a ticket.

-Big Ran  

KC Jones says: Big Ran, you are CORRECT sir, when I saw that there was going to be a Smurfs movie I have to admit, I said "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"....How can you NOT like the Smurfs? Are you communist? And, seriously, like Smurfette isn't one of the best looking cartoon females out there!

"O" No!

I was thinking about it last night and I think there was just a huge misunderstanding in regards to "The Rapture". Harold Camping must have meant today, May 25,2011 because doesn't the end of "Oprah" translate to the end of the world? I know for many people, it does...Seriously. There are people who have watched this show religiously for 25 years--and many of those years were before DVR! Anyway, the final episode was taped at the United Center in Chicago as it was the only venue large enough to fit her entire ego.


No worries though, her world takeover will continue as she has already started her own television network. So, for now, all you Oprah fans out there just sit tight.  I have a feeling this sabbatical won't last long.

P.S. My prediction: an "Obama/Winfrey"...oops I mean, "Winfrey/Obama" ticket in 2012!

The answer to: What if Oprah was one of us?

Proof that money can buy happiness...

-KC Jones

*Big Ran Note:  I have a co-worker that does an awesome Oprah impression.  I wish she would use that voice all the time, especially because she is like 5 feet tall and white.

Is This Person Good Looking?

To continue on with Big Ran's "Is This Person Good Looking?" section, I'd like to present this person for your consideration (as I anxiously await Big Ran's commentary):

Hilary Swank, looking like an attractive woman

Hilary Swank, looking like Justin Bieber

If you're going to judge based on the first picture, the answer is very clear: she's attractive. However, because she frequently pops up looking similar to the second picture,  I'm inclined to say she's not attractive at all.  I feel like there are two faces on her body and in some lights, you see a sophisticated beauty and in others, you see what resembles a young boy or an evil critter. If you remember, there was a "Seinfeld" episode with a similar premise. It probably doesn't help that she played a trans-gender teen, (a boy who discovers they are biologically a female) very well in Boys Don't Cry. However, even without that, I'm still conflicted.

In Boys Don't Cry- scary, isn't it?

She's very angular, bony, and from certain angles, just appears harsh. I think that for her, the most important accessory is her hair. In the pictures with mid-length/longer hairstyle, her angles are softer and more feminine.  Short is just too severe with her features! Very few women can have short hair, so this isn't an insult. I certainly couldn't, I've just been fortunate enough to have people in my life who wouldn't even let me try it! And it's absolutely crucial that she wear some sort of makeup. She doesn't need to pile it on like the trash found at the Jersey Shore, but a little lip gloss and a soft blush never hurt anyone.On a positive note, she's got a great body and great skin--she definitely takes care of herself. There are just certain changes that need to happen so her gender isn't questioned anymore!

Swear to God, this is him, oops, I mean, her....

Pretty again! See? The right hair length makes all the difference for her!

One final note: I'm not trying to be mean here, because trust me, I'm no prize. I could easily be put in this section with the final verdict being unattractive. However, fortunately for me, this is "The Takeover" and I'm one of the authors and I'm not in the public eye. I can say these things and avoid having bad pictures of myself posted all over gossip mags and the Internet.

-KC Jones

*Big Ran Note:  This is a great case for "Is This Person Good Looking?"  Personally, I say no, she is not good looking.  Too mannish for me.  Now, I will grant you that in the first and last pictures she looks great.  However, if it takes an army of people to make you look that way, are you really good looking.  If I wake up next to that third, or even worse, fourth picture, I don't know what I do with the rest of my life, because it would never be the same.

Late Lunchtime Look-a-Like

OK dudes, I am a little out of it today since I have been out of the office for a couple of days and I came in at 1 PM today.  Coming in for a half day at or just after lunch time is really weird.  Its not all bad, you get to sleep later, take your time getting ready, and drive in when there is no traffic, but you are staring down the barrel of having to go into the office all morning, which isn't a lot of fun.  But, I digress...

Onto the Late Lunchtime Look-a-like, and today I am going to give you the old double boner bonus: two look-a-likes.  On the heels of Dirk Nowitzki just crushing the souls of the OKC Thunder and their fans, our look-a-like is in his honor.

First, we have Dirk, who, while I would love to match up with David Hasselhoff, but has a serious twin in Barry Pepper.  Pepper always seems to be "that guy" when you see him in something.  Like, "hey, it's that guy from that movie about stuff!"  He's been in 61*, Saving Private Ryan, is in the Kennedy mini-series now, nothing major, but he doesn't work in a cube.

Does everyone remember the crazy story about Dirk's ex-girlfriend who was arrested for pretending to be pregnant and extorting money from him?  Well, we'll do a look-a-like for that pretty lady as well.

What I really never understood about this was why Dirk was dating/harboring such a homely woman/fugative.  I've been to Germany and you could throw a rock and hit a beautiful woman.  Plus, he's like 7 feet tall and plays in Dallas.  Couldn't he get a better looking gold digger?  This is what I figure would be at his disposal:

-Big Ran

Someone at Ford is a Wrestling Fan

Fresh off the news that Macho Man was taken from us far too soon, and/or Raptured, Ford has announced seats that could predict drivers' heart attacks.

USA Today - Ford Motor will announce today that its research team in Aachen, Germany, has developed a car seat with six sensors that can monitor a driver's heart by its electrical impulses. Such a seat, if brought to market, could help heart patients monitor their health and provide an early warning of a heart attack.


No longer will Americans live in fear of our aging, roided-out wrestling heroes leaving us too soon.  Or, at least won't have to worry about them losing consciousness, drifting across lanes, launching off of concrete medians, and landing into oncoming traffic.  The Hulkster could be the next one saved.  Of course, if Hulk Hogan is being driven around by his douche bag son, Nick, he could have other problems.

-Big Ran

KC Jones: Hey Big Ran- did you hear that both Summer's Eve and Massengill are trying to negotiate contracts with Nick Hogan to be their spokesman? Just sayin'.....

Tuesday Trivia...

This is something I've always wondered about and now I'm going to drop some knowledge on all of our Takeover readers.

Where does the term "peanut gallery" come from? Seriously....could you even guess? It's one of those phrases that doesn't even lend itself to reasonable speculation. What is a peanut gallery anyway?

Well, according to the Wikipedia, which has the answers to everything (note that I didn't say they are always the RIGHT answers), the explanation is as follows:

A peanut gallery is an audience that heckles the performer. The term originated in the days of vaudeville as a nickname for the cheapest (and ostensibly rowdiest) seats in the theater; the least expensive snack served at the theater would often be peanuts, which the patrons would sometimes throw at the performers on stage to show their disapproval. The phrases "no comments from the peanut gallery" or "quiet in the peanut gallery" are extensions of the name.

Big Ran- should we get one of these for each of us?

So, basically, Big Ran and I are the "peanut gallery" in all areas of our lives. Constantly heckling, poking fun, and rowdy. And, we're not too good for the inexpensive snacks....that's just how we role.

These guys are the ultimate peanut gallery in my opinon

So, there you have it---at least you can't say that you didn't learn something new today. The Takeover is proving to be both educational AND fun! YESSSS!

-KC Jones

Rapture Rescheduled...

Just a quick update, be sure to mark your calendars for October 21, 2011. Apparently, our boy Hal was 5 months off. This is good news for all of us though as we'll be able to enjoy our summer (if it ever stops raining) and the beginning of the nice fall weather before we are picked off the planet. Also, I feel better knowing that our original playlists and menu items won't be going to waste. Guess we'll just have to focus on other things until then....

God: 2, Camping: 0

-KC Jones

Enough is Enough

Um, in regards to the clip below, all I really have to say is "wow". I know we usually keep it light and funny here at "The Takeover", but this dude is the captain of all douches (he was second in command until Teddy's passing) and needs to be called out.  Honestly, why is this zero even allowed to SPEAK? I guess the bigger question is why should I be surprised in regards to this? After all, here's a dude whose father, Ted Kennedy, drove drunk, killed a woman, and literally got away with murder and was still celebrated throughout his entire life as the people's champ. So obviously, it's only natural that his son would be sympathetic to a cold blooded, calculating killer.



Are there muzzles available for people? If so, I think this guy should be able to use the undue privileges associated with the Kennedy family name to cut ahead to the front of the line for his. Yup, you heard it right people, his comments towards the gunman who shot and killed and seriously wounded so many in Arizona were "It's an irony, but we think no stigma towards Gabby and her brain injury, but [Loughner] has a brain injury as well, because clearly his brain was not working properly when he picked up that gun and shot all those people." He then proceeds to turn this bottom feeder's behavior into OUR fault with the comment "We failed as a society, because every time we see someone who's -- and we use the pejorative words -- 'crazy,' 'psycho,' 'nuts,' we look the other way".  WHAT?! Damn right there's no stigma attached to a woman who almost had her brains blown out and there is a 'stigma' attached to an evil person. Typical of some in society trying to make excuses for those with no respect for life.

This dude is CLEARLY still hitting the sauce and the Ambien BIG time if he's running around saying this sort of garbage. I'm sorry, but I've reached a zero tolerance policy for ass clowns and that's just what he is.

-KC Jones

Rapture Take Three...

Ok, so it's Monday, May 23rd and "The Rapture" was scheduled for Saturday, May 21st. We're all still here, so I guess there were some miscalculations. Hey, it happens, right? Sometimes predicting the end of the world is more difficult than it seems.  Personally, I'm just bummed that our playlists are null and void now. But I'm thinking of Harold (can I call him Hal?) Camping and how embarrassing this must be. Actually, for him, I'm sure it's not embarrassing at all because he's clearly a headcase. So, in his honor, I'd like to toss out another playlist of the songs he might be listening to right now as he reflects on his mistake and gears up for his next attempt:

"Harold Camping's Recalculating The Rapture Mix"

1. "Oops I Did It Again"-Britney Spears: Yup, Hal 'did it again', 'it' being incorrectly predicting the end of the world.

2. "I Missed Again"-Phil Collins: Like the great former Genesis front man sings, "I'm waiting in line, but it seems like I wasted my time...cause I missed again!"

3. "You're Only Human (Second Wind)"-Billy Joel: Hal, don't be so hard on yourself, like Mr. Joel says, "you're only human, you're SUPPOSE to make mistakes!"

4. "Still Standing"-Elton John: Pretty self-explanatory

5. "Stayin' Alive"- Bee Gees: Because it looks like, "whether (we're) a a brother or whether (we're a mother), we'll be stayin' alive"

6. "Try Again"-Aaliyah: He needs to remember that 'if first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again' (and again, and maybe even again after that!)

7. "Made You Look"-Nas: Maybe this was all just a publicity stunt and he achieved the end goal of making all of us look in one way or another.

8. "It Wasn't Me"-Shaggy: At this point, being wrong twice publicly might be a little embarrassing, so I can understand if he tries to deny, deny, deny....

9. "Blame It"-T-Pain: Once he finds out that he can't say it wasn't him (track 9)-I'm sure he's going to blame it on the alcohol)

10. "My Favorite Mistake"-Sheryl Crow

11. "Just My Imagination"-The Temptations: And, in conclusion, that's really all it was, his imagination, running away with him!


I can see it now. Harold at his desk with calendars, a bible (notice, not THE BIBLE because he's CLEARLY not following that) telescopes, sundials, and maps, recalculating. I'm keeping all my playlists and my non-perishables in anticipation of the Real Rapture.

-KC Jones

*Big Ran Addition: