This Could Be U-G-L-Y

Word is that the players and owners are not even remotely in the same ballpark on this one.  Right now the players' salaries absorb 57% of the league's revenue and yesterday they offered to drop that to 54.3%.  Apparently, David Stern laughed that off, thus the probability of a long-protracted lockout, as the owners offered the players 40%.  Derek Fisher, one of the top player reps probably flopped out of his chair trying to draw a foul.

This puts the Celtics in a strange position because in terms of winning a championship with the Big 3 / Big 4, next season is it.  They have that one last run.  On paper, losing part of the season could be good for teams like the C's and the Spurs (warning: KC Jones Sports Bigamy Alert) because there would be less wear and tear on their old legs.  However, when you look at the last strike/lockout shortened year, there were about 50 games, but there were tons of back-to-backs, and three consecutive nights with games.  Not good for the C's.  However, if the entire season is lost, the C's will have a ton of contracts coming off the books and will probably be in pretty good shape to sign a big time free agent (if one wanted to come to Boston; it hasn't happened yet, all due respect to Xavier McDaniel). 

The strange thing is, that Wyc Grousbeck, the Celtics owner, is believed to be one of the owners really pushing to skip the season and install a hard cap.  That should make him not only amazingly popular in Boston, but in their locker room.

On the positive side, we will have many crazy-ass stories about Ron Artest canging his name to Metta World Peace and wanting to play in Finland, or, my favorite, when the NBA players run out of money, like Latrell Spreewell, Kenny Anderson, or Toine, now exiled to Idaho.

-Big Ran

PS:  Scotty Pippen is broke.  Who knew?  Dude bought a Gulf Stream Jet and made some terrible "investments" after making $120 million in his career.  He ended up playing like four games in Finland and Sweden a few years back for $66,000.

Look at the T-Shirt I Just Bought

I can't believe I didn't post this in a past Tuesday Trivia, but I just want everyone to see what I just bought on Amazon and am having shipped overnight, so I can wear it on the 4th of July.  What says freedom more than wolves and an American flag?  Would anyone have any doubt that this shirt has magical powers and can do things like jump start pick up trucks and grant you bottomless cans of Bud Heavy?

So, if you are celebrating Freedom this weekend, and you see a dude rocking this shirt, pay him the respect he deserves.

-Big Ran

This is Why We Can't Have Anything Nice.....

Body found in public pool 2 days after victim drowned

FALL RIVER (FOX25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - The body of a Fall River woman was discovered floating in a state run pool late Tuesday night, two days after she apparently drowned in that same pool.
Police say lifeguards were on duty and people were swimming in the Veterans Memorial pool at Lafayette Park Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and it appears no one noticed the dead body.

Investigators identified the body as 36-year-old Marie Joseph. Police say Joseph was watching her 9-year-old neighbor at the pool on Sunday when she apparently had an accident sliding down a waterside.

Family friends tell FOX25 the little boy told lifeguards that she did not come up from above water but no action was taken.

The Bristol County DA would not confirm if the woman’s body was in the water for two days, but did call the set of circumstances "unbelievable" and said the death is still under investigation.

Fall River Mayor William Flanagan says health inspectors visited the pool on Monday and Tuesday and inspected the facilities and apparently did not see a body either. Those inspectors have been placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of an investigation.

The Department of Conservation and Recreation (DCR), who runs the pool, has since closed over 20 of their deepwater pools until further notice.

DCR has also placed the entire staff of the pool on administrative leave.

According to friends, Marie Joseph has left behind five children and lived in an apartment a mile from the pool.

Read more: http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/local/woman-dies-in-public-pool-in-fall-river-25-apx-20110629#ixzz1QrFCPxV7

Okay, really? How could this be? The pool was open and heavily used for days after this and no one noticed the body? This didn't happen in the ocean where finding a body can be nearly impossible due to the size of the area and the murkiness of the water. This was a pool with crystal clear water! No one saw anything? And, why are 20 other pools closed now in retaliation? The chances of this happening (meaning, someone drowning in a pool & then going unnoticed for days, during the summer, in the nice weather when its being used by hundreds of people a day) are slim to NONE, so I'm pretty sure all the other pools shouldn't have to suffer. It's hot! Come on! I'm wondering if she was killed and then the body was dumped in the pool a couple of days later. Any ideas? Bottom line: This is why we can't have anything nice.

-KC Jones

Hello, Lionel Richie Won't Celebrate All Night Long

BOSTON (CBS) – Lionel Richie will not be performing at the Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular on the 4th of July Monday.

He’ll be replaced by country music superstar Martina McBride.

In a statement released early Friday morning, Richie said he had to back out at the last minute because of strained vocal cords.

“I am extremely disappointed to cancel my performance with the Boston Pops but must follow my doctor’s orders.  It was such an honor being asked to celebrate the Fourth of July with this legendary orchestra and I hope to perform with them in the future.”

This is a shame because he already had the sweet white and blue shirt.  If he added some red, he would be all set for Monday.  Also, it would have been a nice break from the country music the world seems to be trying to cram down our throats.  I mean, sure, you probably would have had a ton of people making sweet, sweet love on the esplanade, but that's the price you pay for the smooth, dulcet tones of Mr. Lionel Richie.  We could have had a Fourth of July baby boom because of him.  Freedom babies.  Everyone wins.  Now we have more country music.  Awesome.  Now, I have no idea what Martina McBride sings, but I know this.  There won't be any Martina McBride Freedom baby boom going on in the Bay state.

-Big Ran


PS:  Boom.  Freedom Babies. I mean, this is how you make a F*CKING VIDEO.

Yeah, Because Comparisons to the Holocaust Always Work Out Well

Lawmaker Compares Lobbyist Badges to Holocaust Tattoos

Boston.com - The Anti-Defamation League New England has called for an apology from a state lawmaker who, in criticizing a proposal to require lobbyists to to wear badges, compared them with Holocaust victims.


“Casual references to the Holocaust in a legitimate discussion about domestic Ethic Reform are offensive and destructive,” said Derrek L. Shulman, regional director of ADL New England.


Representative John Binienda, a Worcester Democrat who heads the House Rules Committee, said a Republican proposal to force lobbyists to wear badges while talking to lawmakers smacked of tattoos that Jews were forced to wear.


“The idea of the badge by lobbyists to me, I kind of find that revolting,” Representative John Binienda, a Worcester Democrat, told the State House News Service in article posted this morning. “Hitler during the concentration camps tattooed all of the Jewish people so he would know who was a Jew and who wasn’t, and that’s something that I just don’t go along with.”


Shulman called for Binienda to “retract and apologize for his comments immediately, and demonstrate his understanding of why his comments are outrageous.”


House Republicans made the proposal as part of a package of ethics changes offered after former House Speaker Salvatore F. DiMasi was convicted on federal corruption charges earlier this month.


DiMasi, who took a kickback in exchange for getting a software contract approved, is the third consecutive speaker to plead guilty to or be convicted of a felony.


The proposal to require badges for lobbyists was pitched by Republicans as a transparency measure, so that members of the public, the press, and lawmakers themselves would know which special interests were attempting to influence lawmaking.


Even though lawmakers know many of the lobbyists, the badges would serve as a reminder, Republicans have said. Binienda told the News Service that was unnecessary.


“I know who the lobbyists are when I go out there,” said Binienda.


Really?  This guy was serious with this sh!t?  I mean, he made several references to the Holocaust and he doesn't think that maybe, just maybe he's venturing into territory that may be a bit dicey?  No?  Unless we will be rounding up lobbyists and sending them into gas chambers, I think they can deal with wearing an ID badge.  I know that viewpoint may be really out there, so you can address your complaints to our e-mail account.  


Obligatory Office Space quote:  "You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear." ~ Peter Gibbons



-Big Ran


PS:  And people ask me why I wanted to move out of Worcester after growing up there.  At least I was born in Boston.

What's My Name?

Ok, so, due to some life changes that were out of my control (namely, becoming suddenly single after my boyfriend of over three years just suddenly walked out on me and our home out of nowhere---seriously!), I'm considering getting a dog. I need help in the healing process and even though I used to be the #1 anti-pooch person, I feel totally different now. I owe this change of heart to Ceasar, my ex's Pitbull, who was the most loyal, loving, snuggly dog ever. We were arch rivals in many ways as I ran around cleaning up after he left his hair all over the house, but in the end, I truly loved this little guy. Unfortunately, I have no idea what happened to our relationship, and seemingly overnight, and without warning, I am left single and dog-less now.

So, where is this post going? I know that you're all used to our lighthearted, ridiculous posts. Don't worry, this one will not disappoint. I apologize for the depressing preface, but I had to let everyone know what's going on. That's why Big Ran, one of my best friends, has been carrying the blog for a while now. He's amazing, isn't he?  So, as I've been on petfinder.com I've noticed that there seems to be a plethora of dogs with RIDICULOUS names. The names are not only ridiculous for the dogs, but embarrassing for certain people whose images and likenesses are being used without their permission.


Consider the following:

1. Kelly Clarkson: Yes, that's right. A greyhound named after an American Idol winner. Unbelievable. I fail to see the similarities or how this could have even happened. How embarrassing would it be to call the vet and let them know you had to bring in your dog named Kelly Clarkson? How dumb would your neighbors think you were if they heard you calling "Kelly Clarkson" back into the house after she'd been out for a while running around. And, more importantly, what would Kelly Clarkson say if she found out? Ummmm...I'd be kind of embarrassed. On a side note, if you're interested in adopting Kelly (the canine, not the singer), check out the link: http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/16344722

Kelly Clarkson

Kelly Clarkson

2. Clarissa Billburry: What? This female German Shepherd most likely wouldn't have picked this name for herself. Also, why are people giving their dogs last names? I thought that their last name would be your last name? German Shepherds are suppose to be this strong, smart, intimidating breed. With a name like that, she's just going to get a lot of 'huhs'? and 'excuse mes?' And, because this isn't a celebrity name, how did someone come up with it? She's a homeless dog, dealing with a heart problem, hasn't she been through enough? I could totally deal with Clarissa, but the last name is what really gets me wondering. Check her out, she's cute! http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/19517626

3. Travis Billbury: See #2's commentary. I'm guessing they must be siblings. If not, I'm not sure what to say. http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/19517632

4. Ol' Man: Unacceptable. This is a dog, and he deserves a real name. Sounds like someone was just lazy. This is the equivalent of naming your newborn baby, 'kid' or 'child'. I hope this little guy gets adopted and given a real name. http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/17769008

5. Candy the Wacky Lab: Um, how about just Candy? It's not like you'd name a little boy w/ asthma "Jack the asthmatic boy". It just seems ridiculous to me. Whoever did this does not deserve a pet, ever. Also, that name isn't much of a selling point. Who wants a dog that's already being classified as wacky? *Please note, she also has a brother named "Wizard the Magic Lab". Poor little guy! http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/18464313

6. Henry Thomas: If he were a child, he'd be picked on at school with a name like that. Again, just Henry? Fine. Just Thomas? Cool. Henry Thomas=Nerd Alert. I wonder if he has a last name because it seems clear that he has a first and middle name. The good thing for this pup is that he's a pitbull, so if any of the other doggies taunt him, he can just maul them and put an end to it. http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/16866196

7. Snookie: While Snookie from "The Jersey Shore" is truly an animal in so many ways, it's simply not fair to this dog. Fail! http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/18812820

8. Fanny: No. Frigin. Way. Unfair! I pray that this dog is adopted and given a new name very quickly. Who would do that? http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/18444366

These were some that caught my attention, but there are plenty of others. Go to Petfinder.com to search for yourself and remember my simple rules for naming pets:

1. Avoid naming after celebrities. There CAN be an occasional exception to this rule, but think long and hard before you do it.
2. Avoid giving full names (middle and last names are not necessary).
3. Give REAL names (I'd much rather prefer "Henry Thomas" as dorky as it is, to say, "Bubbles". That's just degrading and/or lazy!)
4. Do not give them generic names such as Fido or Garfield.
5. Do not name them after an animal they aren't. For example, "Tiger". That's just not true and it's stupid.
6. Be creative, but consider how you'd feel if it were your name.
7. Do not name them with titles. For example, Prince, Princess, Dutchess. Gross.
8. No naming after body parts (see #8 above).

We here at "The Takeover" will call the ASPCA if we find out any of our rules have been broken.

-KC Jones

*Big Ran Note:  First of all, I am very, very happy to have KC back in the fold.  There is NO doubt that I am a much funnier person when she has input here.

Secondly, this is a great post.  Mrs. Big Ran and I are getting a second dog next week and it's a girl.  I have NO IDEA what to name her.  Male dogs are easy to name, it can be almost any male name or after something you like.  A friend of mine named her dog Cisco, after Cisco Breweries on Nantucket, it's perfect.  We named our first dog Otis, after Otis Redding.  My dog growing up was named Buddie.  Male dogs are much easier to find a name for.

With all that said, how friggin' awesome are dogs?  They are honestly the best things in the world.  DOgs are WAY better than people.

Big Ran PS:  What happened to Kelly Clarkson?

KC Jones Says: She looks like Meatloaf!

Big Ran note:  If Meatlof and Willie Nelson could have a child, this would be it.

Epic Stranger Text Conversation

So, I've had a few good conversations over text the last few weeks, but this one definitely takes the cake.  If this convo looks familiar to you, holler at us!

June 6, 12:52 AM:
Stranger:  Holaa

June 7, 12:12 AM:
Stranger:  Pole on ur walla are makin me die a little inside

June 7, 9:28 PM:
Me:  Hey, who's this?  Not sure, but got a couple texts from you.

Stranger:  This is bill finklestein a stalker in the west

Me:  Niiiiiiiice

Stranger:  Yes ive been following on the streetss iam a efficient stalker in fact i got my license in professional stalker oi am the best

Me:  Stalker University or Stalker State?  State is a safety school.

Stranger:  I can not tell you stalker code plus u could track me outside ur house i womnt get back to jail and gety raped again.

Me:  I can respect that.  Plus without ruphies you remember the raping.  Bad times.

Stranger:  I feel pretty witty

Me:  You're on fire.

Stranger:  Its jordan u know this

June 7, 9:46 PM
Me:  You're crazy

Jordan:  Yep ive lost it <:*>

Me:  Got a new phone.  Send a pic for caller in

June 7, 10:03 PM:
Jordan:













Jordan:  This what u mean

Me:  No.  Abe dong pics.

Jordan:  I will not i am a classy lady

June 7, 10:15 PM:
Me: F

Me:  Classy only goes so far.

Jordan:  F is not a word it is a letter kremit

Me:  That was actually an accident not a reference to a curse word

Me:  I am classy too

Jordan:  I never hearfd a curse word in my klife ohh myy i am puree ive been corrupted...U are queen elizabeth classy except you do not crap on the working class and homeless people

Me:  Not that classy, but I am taller

June 7, 10:56 PM:
Jordan:  Yeee yee bloody wankaa

Me:  True fact

June 8, 1:06 PM:
Jordan:  Truee dat truee dat

June 26, 1:00 AM:
Hey seany how you doin

June 26, 1:38 AM:
Jordan:  R

So, as you can see, I think we can deduce a few things:

1.  They like to text in the late night/early morning hours and like drinking mid week, so I'm guessing they are younger than me.  Plus, there's some text lingo I don't use as an old f*cker.

2.  His/her name is Jordan.  I'm guessing female, but there is a chance it's Michael Jordan, which would be awesome.

3.  Maybe they are a history major in college.  That Queen Elizabeth reference and Lincoln Memorial pic were very nice touches.

4.  This person has a great sense of humor and is very entertaining to text with.

4.  She thinks I'm Sean.

So, where do we go from here?  Not sure, but I feel like I need to be on my A game when I respond next.

-Big Ran

Extreme Makeover: North Korea

PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korea's heir apparent, Kim Jong Eun, underwent plastic surgery six times to look more like his grandfather, the Communist state's "eternal president" Kim Il Sung, South Korea's Yonhap news agency reported Tuesday.

The mysterious Kim Jong Eun, the youngest son of despot Kim Jong Il, underwent the operations between 2007 and 2010 before he was unveiled as the next-in-line to rule the nuclear-armed rogue nation, the report quoted an activist as saying.

Ha Tae Kyung, the head of Open Radio for North Korea, made the claim at a talk on North Korea's hereditary succession at the Royal United Services Institute in London and said that he was quoting senior North Korean officials.

The short and stocky Kim Jong Eun, who is believed to be in his late 20s, closely resembles both his father and grandfather. But his first appearance last year sparked speculation that plastic surgery may have been required to achieve the likeness.

I think I heard once that the most common cosmetic surgery is a breast reduction.  It actually looks like this dude could use one of those, or at least a bro/manziere.  With that said, you have to appreciate the commitment lil' Kim Jong Eun is showing here.  How many people would be willing to have surgery to look more like their grandfather and father, not many. 

Here's a little Big Ran Fun Fact:  I have been to within about 3 feet of the North Korean boarder.  I was in South Korea for work and went on a tour of the DMZ.  The more you know.  I never got the chance to try their secret micro brew.

  

-Big Ran

A Sad Day in Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh Post Gazette - The city of Pittsburgh will hold a rally at noon Thursday to honor Hines Ward's victory in ABC-TV's "Dancing with the Stars" competition.

The rally will be held in front of the City-County Building on Grant Street.

Mr. Ward and dance partner Kym Johnson will be present.

Fans are encouraged to wear black and gold and bring Terrible Towels to the rally.

"City residents and the Steelers Nation have contacted my office asking for the city to properly thank our hometown hero for once-again shining the spotlight on Pittsburgh," Mayor Luke Ravenstahl said.


In addition, couples are invited to highlight their dancing skills in two-minute YouTube videos for a chance to appear on stage with Mr. Ward and Ms. Johnson. No more than two dancers can appear in the video.

Videos, with the entrants' contact information, must be submitted to CityDWTScontest@gmail.com by 4 p.m. Wednesday.

City officials will pick five videos for posting on the city Facebook page. The three entrants with the most "likes" by 11 a.m. Thursday will be invited on stage for a "dance-off" to be judged by Mr. Ward, Ms. Johnson and Mr. Ravenstahl.

The three finalists will be photographed with Mr. Ward, Ms. Johnson and their Mirror Ball Trophy. Winners of the dance-off will receive autographed Hines Ward jerseys.

In addition, fans who bring non-perishable food items for the Salvation Army can enter a contest with the chance of winning a Terrible Towel signed by Mr. Ward and Ms. Johnson.


Wow.  This is honestly sad.  I always thought it was pathetic when Boston had a rally for Ray Bourque after he won a Stanley Cup with the Colorado Avalanche, but Pittsburgh has taken it to a whole new level.  This is a city who has seen the Pirates win the World Series five times (well, 3 of them were 1960 or earlier and the last was in 1979, so no one under the age of 35 could possibly remember this and I think at this point they have had 20 straight losing seasons), the Penguins just won the Stanley Cup two years ago in 2009 after winning back-to-back in 1991 and 1992, and the Steelers, who are one of the marquee franchises in the NFL, winning the Super Bowl six times including 2005 and 2008.  Its not like they haven't seen success and seen it lately.  I mean, I know they have to live in Pittsburgh and probably all have the black lung, but this is out of control.  I picture Bill Cowher standing there with a single tear streaming down his face in pure unadulterated sadness.  




-Big Ran

PS:  Don't forget your terrible towels.

Peace Be With You....

Well, if you're anything like me, the end of the NBA Season has you depressed and looking for something to fill the void. As I searched for that placeholder, I should have realized that everyone's favorite NBA Citizenship Award winner would definitely do something to make the off-season more interesting.



Yup, that's right, Ron Artest has changed his name to "Metta World Peace". Although we will have to wait until August 26th to find out if the courts will legally recognize this name change request, I have a pretty good feeling it's going to happen.

A Few Questions:
1. When he takes the court next season, what will be on the back of his jersey? "World Peace"? "Peace"?
2. When he gets mouthy, how will the commentators explain it? "World Peace just committed a technical foul".
3. When he is fouled, I can imagine hearing, "A flagrant foul against World Peace".
4. What if he is an All-Star? "World Peace has been selected as a Western Conference All-Star".
5. How will he sign autographs? This is difficult, because his name has been Ron Artest for so long. He might have a hard time transitioning into his new identity...perhaps he'll just start signing by drawing a peace sign.
6. Finally, what if a situation resulting in suspension occurs, like a fight? "World Peace has been suspended". Now that's just scary for all of us.

Seriously. This is pure comedy & I cannot wait to see what ensues. There better NOT be a lockout, I want to enjoy every single second w/ the "Athlete Formally Known As Ron Artest". Big Ran & I are definitely co-presidents of  the World Peace Fan Club.

-KC Jones