I Don't Care that the Lakers Won

 I literally yell "Kobe!" every time I throw something in the trash at work. Meetings, lunch, alone in my office, I don't care. That sh!t is comedy gold.

However, is it too much to ask that the Cs pull that game out after the super bowl punch to the gut?

 -Big Ran

 PS: Nice prenup, chump.

I Can See This Happening

Based on how these two douchetastic all stars dress and act, I can actually imagine this conversation happening.

-Big Ran

We're All Screwed

Dude, I don't know why Caroline Wozniacki is lol-ing and wink/smiling.  This is the beginning of the end.  She better get her tennis-playing ass out of there before they take her hostage.  This is already to Planet of the Apes status here.

-Big Ran

They See Me Hoppin' They Hatin'

One-legged suspect attempts to elude police

Jacsonville.com - Police received a tip that a black GMC SUV was carrying narcotics near Ken Knight Drive on Jacksonville's Northwest side Tuesday afternoon.

When officers pulled behind a vehicle matching that description, Ariosto Wyman, 27, got out of the passenger side and "began to hop down the sidewalk away from [police]," according to the arrest report from the Jacksonville Sheriff's office. 

Wyman is missing his right leg below the knee.

When officers called to him, he came back. 

Officers searched him and found a bag of marijuana, as well as a digital scale with cocaine residue on it located on the floor board next to Wyman's shoe.

As Wyman was searched at the Duval County jail police discovered a bag with 120 grams of cocaine concealed in his body.

This just made me laugh, mostly because I thought of Snoop in Training Day, gave me the chance to post his latest picture, and because it, as everything else strange, happened in Florida.

-Big Ran

Stuck In My Head

Interesting jam.  I haven't decided if I like it or not yet.  I think I kind of dig it.  However, I will say that in the beginning, then in the middle, I was just thinking, "DON'T SHOW HIS WANG, DON'T SHOW HIS WANG!"

-Big Ran

PS:  This is definitely KC's type of guy.

Office Etiquette....Passive Agressive Co-Workers...

Let's face it; change is never easy. I understand more than anyone as I'm the biggest creature of habit going. Sometimes I think I'm completely out of control in regards to my fear of change. But then, something like the following happens and suddenly I realize I'm doing just fine:

My boss came to me last Tuesday to tell me that the cleaners moved the free standing trash can in the men's bathroom on our floor from one side of the door to the other. We both (along with the few other people I've since mentioned it to), agree that this is a non-issue. How could this possibly upset someone? Well, apparently, it did and the offended party first launched a silent protest of throwing paper towels ON THE FLOOR where the basket used to be:

Yes, it is true; I work at an enormous Corporate Office, allegedly full of adults, and this is the behavior that some of them choose to exhibit. (Along with not washing their hands, leaving surprises in the stalls, and going into the bathrooms with magazines, newspapers, and novels)....and anyone who thinks guys are gross has obviously NEVER been in the 'Ladies' (and I use that term loosely) Room.

So, in the following days, the plot thickened:  The basket CONTINUED ending up on the 'wrong' side of the door and the trash continued to pile up. Furthermore, the "Occupy Restroom" bandit decided to put up a handwritten sign that said "Trash Can Here" with a 'down' arrow pointed towards the floor. When this failed to modify the behavior of the cleaners, the can was tipped upside down and the paper towels that were in it found a new home all over the floor!

"The Struggle", as my boss coined it,  continued on from Tuesday until Friday afternoon. It was at this point that he went into the bathroom and found that someone finally had had enough of the occupier's behavior and called them out. Receiving the below  picture from my boss was the highlight of my day. That might be pathetic, but that's the kind of week it was!

That's right! The sign says, "Don't be a knucklehead. Use the trash can". I support the choice of the word "knucklehead" because you KNOW that that will infuriate the mental midget who is doing this beyond ALL possible belief. However, it does make me slightly worried about the threat of workplace violence. I mean, if a 'misplaced' trashcan could set this knucklehead off, can you even IMAGINE how a sign calling him out on his lunacy will affect his otherwise sunny disposition??
We have discussed it repeatedly as we'd LOVE to find out who had the mental breakdown and acted like this in the first place. We'd also LOVE to know who was awesome enough to put the final sign up and call this lunatic out on his behavior. I, for one, would love to buy this guy lunch! (And I would like a 'no contact' order issued against whoever the other one is). We're still not sure who did either, but rest assured, we're on the case and will keep you posted.





*Big Ran aka Picasso of YouTube:

Yes, Yes, Yes We Do, We've Got Spirit, How 'Bout YOU?

A co-worker of mine sent this clip to me today, and I was mesmerized by it. It's not every day you see something this awesome. Naturally, I sent it to Big Ran and the following email interaction ensued (read from the bottom up):

From: Big Ran
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 12:15 PM
To: KC Jones
Subject: RE:

Awesome, he’s having a great time.  Dude, I would totally love to warm the bench of a college team.  You get to travel, watch hoops, get tons of high quality sl*t action.  Dude is living the dream.

From: KC Jones
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 12:13 PM
To: Big Ran

Subject: RE:

Yes, I was thinking that too….how funny is he???

From: Big Ran
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 12:12 PM
To: KC Jones
Subject: RE:

Awesome, can you blog that, I can definitely add to it.  It will be worth it.

From: KC Jones
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 12:08 PM
To: Big Ran
Subject: RE:

Think this is how Scal got his start?

http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/story/_/id/7510877/seton-hall-walk-becomes-celebrations-celeb-hammer-dill

Let me just make a few things clear here:


1. First of all, they said this kid has played 8 minutes in his career. Who cares? Dude was featured on Sports Center for his unbeatable bench moves. He's now the most famous player on the team. He's living the dream.


2. I'm wondering, as I asked Big Ran, if this is how Scal got his start as well?



3. If the hoops thing doesn't work out for him, the WWE DEFINITELY will....or a job as a coal miner with the way he works that 'air' pick axe.


4. Seconds 24 and 58 are my favorite moves of the whole clip. They really showcases his versatility. It's not all about the hammer move.


And now I'll turn it over to Big Ran

-KC Jones


*Big Ran Notes:


Let's get in the 'ol delorean and travel back to Big Ran's college days.  I went to a D-I school in the Big East, so hoops was HUGE.  For four years I went to virtually every home game and was typically in the first couple of rows.  There were times when we spoke with NBA scouts, writers, and the opposing players.  We usually got pretty aggressive.  By aggressive, I mean yell horrible things at the other teams.  We actually had a writer from The Washington Post tell us we were by far the most obscene fans he had ever experienced.  He acted as if it was a bad thing and we all just high fived each other.


So, one season, we somehow decided to start raising the roof, just to see if we could bring it back from the dead.

So, we started doing it and people were like, "what the hell are you doing?"  Matter of factly, we always said, "UM, we're raising the roof."

So, eventually, toward the end of the season, we started to see opposing players raise the roof and we knew we had accomplished our goal.  Later in the season, during the NCAA Tournament, we saw guys on various benches doing it.  We literally changed the world.  Not for the better, but we changed it.

That's my story.  Thanks for listening about how I changed the world.  Hey, think globally, act locally, right?

PS:  My line in the e-mail about that dude living the dream.  It's so true.  I wonder if it's better to warm the bench or be a starter.  I mean, it's Seton Hall, so you aren't going to the pros unless you have a propensity for masturbating while driving, so you might as well not have to worry about it, get a legit education, and still scam broads, right?

PPS:  Everyone pour a little out for Eddie Griffin (not the comedian).  Not only was he arrested for DUIWM, he later died when his SUV was hit by a train.  He must have been watching some seriously wild stuff.

Oh, Hell Yes!

Honestly, I don't think you could keep me away from this movie if you tried.  I've already written about how I love zombie sh!t, and you have also probably gathered that I love freedom.  I mean zombie Osama getting blasted by bros that love freedom?  Sign me the f*ck up.  I mean, look at this trailer:

Dudes, that sh!t is pretty legit.  Stuff getting blowed up, peeps doing it on the beaches of Afghanistan, zombies, what else could you want?  That has date night for me and Mrs. Big Ran written all over it.  Classy.

Three things I would have to do before going to this move:

1.  Borrow a pick up truck
2.  Burn a disc of uber Patriotic music
3.  Wear my three wolf American flag t-shirt ( I am not kidding, I own this)

-Big Ran

Moves Like Jagger....

I, for one, am totally fine with this situation. As sports fans (myself included), we have to remember that it's just a game. He's a kid, he wasn't celebrating the loss, and you know what? After a long week, dude just needed to cut loose. He's over 21, he's cuddled up with porn stars, and he's at the beginning of his career playing on one of the best teams in the NFL. Also, he's NOT married to Gisele, he's got killer abs, a full head of hair, and is a millionaire. Okay, so The Pats lost The Superbowl, but truthfully, the guy has a LOT to celebrate otherwise.

I totally see a stint on "Dancing With The Stars" in this guy's future.



-KC Jones



*Big Ran Note:  Adam Levine is the dude from Maroon 5, right?  I may have said this before, but he is creepy as hell.  Even though he doesn't need it, I bet he has a sandwich bag full of GHB with him at all times.  I just get a really date-rapey vibe from that dude.  Also, Maroon 5 sucks.



KC Jones Says: Big Ran, don't hate on Adam LeVine.....now that I'm single and ready to mingle, he's TOTALLY on my radar. And seriously? How do you not like Maroon 5? Nickelback obviously....but Maroon 5??

Bird Is The Word....

As a Boston Celtics fan, here's yet another reason to love Larry Legend. LeEgo is the worst, and I have always preferred Kobe to him.....actually, there's really no one in the league I despise MORE than LeBron, so to have the original "birdman" say that he prefers Kobe to LeBron is just HUGE!

 Read the entire article here:

Lakers’ fans know Larry Bird as one of the most fearsome competitors in the history of basketball. They also realize that he’d probably be the last person to heap praise on anything to do with the current Lakers team. But at least in the case of Kobe Bryant, it’s a case of greatness recognizing greatness.
In an interview on the B.S. Report (the Bill Simmons podcast) Bird said that if he could choose any current NBA player to play on his team, he would choose Kobe:

“Well, probably Kobe, because of the fact that … well, of course he wouldn’t have been shooting as much as he does now … but his desire to win, his dedication, to always get better, uh, and he’s just, he’s just tough. He’s just a tough cat.”
“But, if you want to have fun, like I did with Bill Walton, play with LeBron. It would have probably been more fun to play with LeBron, but if you want to win and win and win, it’s Kobe. Not that LeBron’s not a winner, just that [Kobe's] mindset is to go into every practice, every game, to get better.”

So Kobe to win, LeBron to have fun? Sounds like if you’re a Lakers fan you’d rather have Kobe based on that assessment as well.
Beyond Bryant’s ruthless mentality, it’s his toughness that really sets him apart in Bird’s mind.
“Kobe is one of the toughest human beings I’ve ever seen,” Bird said.

That has to make Kobe, and in turn Lakers’ fans, beam proudly. Nothing like getting praise from a Hall of Fame player from a franchises’ most hated rival.


 I think I know what LeBron's face must have looked like when he found out about this story:

Thanks Larry!

-KC Jones