Happy Tuesday!

This has three million views in two days.  I don't think I want to live in this world if this kind of thing can happen.  I mean we've got wars, violence, corruption, poverty; none of it pushed me as far as this video did.

-Big Ran

PS:  This has less than 100,000 views.  Damn.

Happy Weekend and a Middle Finger to Mitt

My dogs ride inside the car, bitch.

-Big Ran

They See Me Hoppin' They Hatin'

One-legged suspect attempts to elude police

Jacsonville.com - Police received a tip that a black GMC SUV was carrying narcotics near Ken Knight Drive on Jacksonville's Northwest side Tuesday afternoon.

When officers pulled behind a vehicle matching that description, Ariosto Wyman, 27, got out of the passenger side and "began to hop down the sidewalk away from [police]," according to the arrest report from the Jacksonville Sheriff's office. 

Wyman is missing his right leg below the knee.

When officers called to him, he came back. 

Officers searched him and found a bag of marijuana, as well as a digital scale with cocaine residue on it located on the floor board next to Wyman's shoe.

As Wyman was searched at the Duval County jail police discovered a bag with 120 grams of cocaine concealed in his body.

This just made me laugh, mostly because I thought of Snoop in Training Day, gave me the chance to post his latest picture, and because it, as everything else strange, happened in Florida.

-Big Ran

Super Terrific Happy Hour

I think this is advice all of us can relate to and incorporate into our own lives.

"You can't make a ho a housewife. Don't try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she was born to do...Ho. Yeah...Ho."

h/t Philly Barstool

-Big Ran

Big Ran's Ridin' Dirty Playlist

OK, so my inspection sticker expired in November and I am still rocking that blue 11 (if you're from Mass, you know what I'm talking about).  I was on a long ass business trip that took me into November, and I always like to push the inspection one month every year so that it's like getting one inspection free after the first 11.  I do it just to stick it to the man a little bit.

Anyway, as soon as November 30th and December 1st roll around, one of my headlight's craps out.  No biggie, I go buy some new headlights.  However, it wasn't that simple and it turns out I needed to do a bunch more work to it in order to pass the inspection.  I don't have the time to do the work on my own and I don't have the money to pay a mechanic, so I'm kind of caught in a catch 22 here (or something like that).  So, for the last couple months I've been ridin' dirty minus the guns and drugs, unless you count Advil or prescriptions I may have picked up on the way home from work.

I have completely altered my route to work avoiding all the places I have seen cops parked before and not going through small town centers.  A couple years ago I was pulled over in Wellesley because of an expired inspection sticker at like 7:30 AM on a Saturday.  Of course, it's Wellesley, so the cops literally have nothing better to do, hence why people like me and Dee Brown get pulled over.  

In honor of staying one step ahead of the law, I present Big Ran's Ridin' Dirty Playlist...

1.  UGK - Ridin' Dirty - because they were the originators of the term "Ridin' Dirty."

2.  Snoop - Drop It Like It's Hot - When the pigs try to get at me I'm always parkin' it like its hot.



3.  Sir Mix-a-Lot - My Hooptie - because I am driving this thing into the ground



4.  War - Lowrider - because I also need new shocks and struts, so my whip rides mad low



5.  Mistah FAB - Ghost Ride It - If I roll past the popo, I duck down real low.



6.  Chamillionaire - Ridin' Dirty - Obviously.  This is last because it is sure to get stuck in your head.



-Big Ran


KC Jones' Notes: I'd like to say, this is one of Big Ran's funniest posts yet, and he doesn't need anything added to it, but I'd like to add the following songs:

7. Coolio- Fantastic Voyage- As I'm sure that it IS in fact, a fantastic voyage every time Big Ran gets in the whip and plays the back roads game. Also, there is the whole issue of Coolio mentioning he "ain't got no car" at the beginning of the vid.


8. Dr. Dre- Let Me Ride- As that will be Big Ran's plea to the po-po if they do in fact pull him over....


***Also, with Sir Mix-A-Lot's- My Hooptie- Have truer words have ever been spoken?: “Four door nightmare, truck locks’ stuck. Big dice on the mirror, grill like a truck. Lifters tickin’, accelerator’s stickin’. Somethin’ on my left front wheel keeps clickin’.”

Bravo, Big Ran, Bravo....

-KC Jones

So, This Happened...

I saw a few people post on the facebook that Snoop was on "The Price Is Right" last week, but I hadn't seen the clip until now.  Can't we just replace Drew Carey with Snoop?  Drew is super creepy right now.  Skinny Drew just isn't right.  Plus, you know he was and still is amazingly intimidated by Bob Barker and having to follow him on the show.  I mean, we all heard the stories of Bob Barker putting the wood to all those Price Is Right models, and God bless him for it.  One Viagra and a cloud of dust for my man, Bob.

Other than the birdseed, these products were right up Snoops alley.  You see how confident he was with the ranch dressing, paper towels, Boboli, and crackers?  If you went to Snoop's house right now, I guarantee that he has all of those products in his kitchen.  I can also absolutely guarantee that Snoop loves making Boboli pizzas when he is high as a mutha f*cka.

Someone needs to start an online petition to replace Drew Carey with Snoop ASAP.

-Big Ran

PS:  How about that bird seed with, like, extra fiber and antioxidants and sh*t?  How about that?

PPS:  Sorry mid westerners, you guys are fat as f*ck.

Monday Mutha F*ckin' Jam

Cause you know what ain't fun?  Mondays and staring down the barrel of another work week.  This song has one of my favorite lyrics of all time:

"One for the money, two for the bitches, three to get ready, and four to hit the switches."

You know what also ain't no fin?  David Friggin' West choosing to sign a two year contract with the Pacers rather than with the Celtics.  Enjoy Indianapolis, homie.  Scientifically, here it is in a graph:

-Big Ran