I Hate People....Occupy THIS!

Ok, so regardless of political affiliations, I think we (people who are rational/normal to ANY extent) agree that it's good to stand up for your beliefs/opinions. However, I think we'd also agree that it's completely ridiculous to be part of a poorly organized 'movement' where everyone has their own agenda, full of individuals who are not regularly showering and enjoy camping in metropolitan areas.

Basically, (and this post is NOT geared toward the left OR the right), these people need to get their acts together and get jobs. Every retail establishment I enter is hiring and working part time at a retail location is better than voluntarily sucking off the gov't and the rest of us who are contributing to unemployment. These programs definitely serve their purpose during tough times.  I know there's a recession, I know the unemployment rates are high and it's very difficult for people to get jobs, especially within the pay ranges needed to live comfortably. I know there has been misconduct by politicians (on both sides) and by corporations....but I ALSO know that many of us are BARELY making ends meet financially....so "Occupiers", explain this to me:









Yeah, that's what I thought...you CAN'T explain that because it's COMPLETELY unacceptable! Are you serious right now? These hippie deadbeats are BURNING U.S. Currency....What the hell is going on here?

First of all, that's illegal...so why isn't something being done about this? It's on film for God's sake! Protesting is legal and well within their rights (even though I think they are mental midgets and completely disagree), but burning money is actually a crime.

Secondly, like it or not, you need cash to pay bills/buy things. SOOOOO, although it's 'weak', and you might want to revert to a barter economy,  it's unacceptable to burn it. I don't know about you, but I need all the help I can get financially. I want to choke this loser and all of his tent dwelling friends! That's logical, hold a fistful of burning paper and shake it like you're having a seizure. Is this guy mentally ill, homeless, or both? I think he probably should have used that money to buy a comb.

It should be noted that there is additional footage of this happening at another protest out on the West Coast. And at this particular protest, there are larger bills involve. Moral of the story? I guess it's easy to burn money and protest anything and everything as your 'full time job' when you're living off the rest of us who go to work and contribute part of our hard earned money to the federal & state unemployment programs.

By the way, I think they should have held off on this currency burning until the really cold weather set in....but given their inability to even have a cohesive mission, I shouldn't be surprised. God knows they'll need all the extra heat they can get as they camp out all winter (which they won't!). I'm thinking the pepper spray will work wonders to keep them toasty come the bitter winter months.


-KC Jones

I Love People....The Maiden Voyage...

So, I've decided to introduce a new series of 'regular' posts to "The Takeover" entitled, "I Love People". Now, I also hate them, so that series of posts might be coming along as well, but after a quick trip to CVS last night, I needed to share the insanity that I witnessed. I figured this little episode would be the perfect introduction for "I Love People".

Ok, so the Christmas spirit is in the air and on full display at all retailers. I go into CVS last night and the holiday aisle is fully stocked with candy, stockings, lights, Santa & snowmen decorations, and plenty of wrapping paraphernalia. I notice this guy standing at the front of the aisle with his son. The little boy was probably 4, tops and his father looked like he just hopped out of an episode of MacGyver (think 1980's attire, leather coat, feathered almost mullet hair--but he also looked like he MIGHT have just come off a bender).

Anyway, the boy is standing next to a 'life sized Nutcracker' (life sized meaning it was the little boy's height) and pulling the lever up and down, making the mouth open and speaking for Mr. Cracker (it should be noted that this particular nut buster was holding a drum). So, then I hear another little voice and I look down the seasonal aisle and see this guy's other son (probably around 6), doing the same thing. The two wooden crackers are conversing, and soon it turns into this:

6 year old: "What are you doing?"

4 year old: "I don't know, I'm a drunk!"

Ummm...So I wasn't sure if I heard it right and doubted myself for a moment, until MacGvyer said, "What? You're a drummer?" (Remember, this Nutcracker was holding a drum). And the boy responded back, "No, I'm a drunk!"...And instead of nervous laughter or trying to change the subject, MacGvyer says, "Well, I guess you could be a drunk drummer!". He was apparently very proud of his own comment as he started to laugh (naturally I did as well), and then he goes into the aisle and grabs another Nutcracker (this time a hand held one) and starts playing along with the kids. Who wants to bet this guy will be drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon with his boys before they are 21? But, in his mind, he'll be supervising, so it's all good.

 This is just a quick little story, but I wanted to share it because it was hilarious and because sometimes, I love people!

-KC Jones

Stuck In My Head

I really like this jam, "I Need a Dollar," by Aloe Blacc.  I doubt KC will like it because its not rap, but it could be the story of ghetto youths.  She once said something to the effect of this to me, regarding the origins of hip hop:  "Hip hop came from the stories of ghetto children."  Not an exact quote there, but pretty close.  This was because I said that hip hop had roots in jazz and she disagreed.

Also, I think with it being the holiday season, I could always use a dollar (or several thousand if someone is feeling generous).  I may take my act to the streets and just get money at stop lights.  Remember that dude in Cleveland with the crazy voice who was begging for money (and probably making like $37 an hour), was discovered and did some stuff for the Cavs?



I don't have that guy's voice, but I am awesome.  I could just do awesome stuff for a dollar, right?  I'll just try not to get drunk and get into a domestic dispute with my estranged daughter after I make it big with all that beggar money.  I'll just make enough money to buy enough cigarettes to last me and my family the rest of our lives.



-Big Ran

Couple of things from KC Jones:

1. I don't remember saying that, but I am sure I did. Don't know why....

2. Big Ran is sadly mistaken as I do enjoy music other than Rap and he KNOWS this, man! (I will always love Boyz II Men).

3. I could use a few dollas....so play on!

Baby Got Back

Fake Doctor Injected Cement Into Woman's Rear, Police Say

PLEASE NOTE THIS IS THE 'DOCTOR', NOT THE 'VICTIM'

MIAMI –  A woman who wanted to work at a nightclub started searching for someone who could perform plastic surgery at a cheap price to give her a curvier body. Police say what she found was a woman posing as a doctor who filled her buttocks with cement, mineral oil and flat-tire sealant.

The suspect -- who police say was born a man and identifies as a woman -- apparently performed the surgery on herself, and investigators say she may have victimized others. Oneal Ron Morris, 30, was arrested

Friday after a year on the lam and has been charged with practicing medicine without a license with serious bodily injury.

Police photos show Morris as a small-framed woman with bee-stung pouty lips, arched eyebrows, oversized hoop earrings -- and a large backside. She was released from jail on bond. A phone listing for Morris could not be found, and it's unclear if she has an attorney.

Miami Gardens Police Sgt. Bill Bamford said Sunday that Morris bounced from house to house for a year, driving a black Mercedes and staying out of investigators' sight "like a ghost." An officer drove by one of those possible houses nearly every day on his way to work and saw the car outside on Friday, and he arrested Morris soon after.

The victim, who is not being named due to medical privacy laws, paid $700 for a series of injections in May 2010. 

She was referred to Morris by a friend.

Morris injected some type of tube in several sites around her bottom, pumping it full of a toxic concoction. Morris reassured the woman when the pain became too intense, police said.

Bamford said Morris told the woman, "`Oh don't worry, you'll be fine. We just keep injecting you with the stuff and it all works itself out."'

Bamford said the victim was reluctant to come forward. She quickly went to two South Florida hospitals due to severe abdominal pain and infected sores on her buttocks accompanied by flu-like symptoms. But she left each time, too embarrassed to tell doctors what she'd done.

Her mother eventually took her to a hospital on Florida's west coast, where alarmed doctors pressed her for information. They alerted the Department of Health.

"The doctors knew no licensed physician in his right mind would ever do this," Bamford said.

The victim is still recovering from the surgery and says it's too painful to work. She also has racked up numerous medical bills.

Authorities believe there are other victims who may be too embarrassed to come forward.

"(Morris) was readily introduced to our victim as someone who could help improve her shape, so we believe (she's) done this to other people," Bamford said.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/11/20/fake-doctor-injected-cement-into-womans-rear-police-say/#ixzz1emH2fk00

Ok, so maybe I'm the worst person in the world, but I don't feel bad for this broad---at all. Seriously? I laughed when I heard it on the radio, I laughed when I saw it on the news, and I'm STILL laughing (but now the rage has set in --- reasons will be noted below). This isn't a 'victim', this is a willing participant. Unless you are going to an actual doctor's office or hospital, then you're asking for it. This is America--we have an elaborate set of checks and balances and regulations to ensure that only REAL doctors are practicing. I can't feel bad for someone like this when there are people suffering through NO fault of their own.

I've highlighted my favorite parts in red and underlined them. 

I'm LOVING the description of the 'doctor'....I love how the reporter throws in, "with a large backside"....yessss..... Question: Did she do this to herself OR was she, as Lady Gaga sings, "Born This Way" and just wanted others to suffer the same plight? Oh wait, she wasn't 'born this way'....she is really a man....what? This story is like a car wreck--you wanna stop looking (reading), but you can't!

Also, this trick's FRIEND referred her to this 'doctor'? Good friend! I can pretty much guarantee that the 'friend' was a victim of this quack and was also disfigured and mad that her friend wasn't. So, to get everyone on a level playing field appearance wise, she recommended this. (Trust me, women are insane---and I know plenty of them who would totally do this to another without thinking twice!). 

Then, the description of the process....honest to God, I am actually full of rage that someone is such an idiot and the article is being written like there is a victim here. Nope, not a victim, just an ass (literally!). And, as for Dr. Demento, I wonder how long she thought she was going to get away with this. I guess after she'd done it to one person and got away with it, she figured, 'why not'.

Finally, I hope that everyone is ready to keep going to work so we can all pay this broad's unemployment benefits and medical bills because now that she WILLINGLY went for black market medical procedures, she's unable to work or pay any of the bills. Yup, that sounds about right. No problem, there's only one thing I love more than paying my own bills; and that's paying OTHER people's bills! 

By the way, I'd be too embarrassed to come forward if I was one of these a-holes as well. Think about this for a second; once the cement dries and hardens, how exactly would one get around? Also, how would the weight and pressure not rip the skin right off of her body? Just thinking out loud here... oh, and one more thing....would the flat tire sealant negate the effects of the cement? So many questions, so little time.


Hey Big Ran, what do you think? Please provide the male perspective; how do guys like the body type shown in the picture above? Should I sign up for my own 'tank ass' today?

-KC Jones

Happy Thanksgving Everyone! Happy Dance Time!

-Big Ran

The Debate Has Been Resolved

Peruvian Mayor Says Contaminated Water is Making His Town Gay

The mayor of a coastal Peruvian town says he’s discovered the reason there are a growing number of gays in his area: the presence of the metal strontium in the local water supply.

“Unfortunately Strontium reduces male hormones and suddenly we’ll be as Tabalosos, as other towns, where the percentages are increasing of homosexuality,” Mayor José Benítez warned the citizens of Huarmey during an opening ceremony for a local water project.

Scientists warn that strontium, which is naturally occurring, can cause bone cancer, anemia and cardiovascular complications in very high doses. No study has ever suggested that it’s tied to sexual behavior.

Benítez’s accusation probably derives from a Peruvian television program several years ago that claimed the population of Tabalosos was predominantly gay. Tabalosos, which is located in Peru’s interior, is the source of water for Huarmey.

Tabolosos Mayor Jorge Luis Vasquez said the myth about Tabalosos has damaged his city’s reputation. He demanded that Benítez either prove his assertion or apologize for it.

“Young people have low self-esteem by this stigma,” Vasquez said.

There was always the nature vs. nature debate, but I guess this settles it, right?  Peruvian water gives you the gays.

Stuck In My Head

I think I may have see that Kia dancing hamster dancing commercial at some point last night, I'm not sure.

The countdown to the 2 PM office closing is on!  T-minus Five hours and four minutes.

-Big Ran

Irrational Rant...Lexus Christmas Commercials

Just when you thought you couldn't hate the Lexus "December to Remember" commercials any more than you do already, they play this one during the Patriots game last night.  ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?  We're in a f*cking recession, we have douche bags occupying everything, and Lexus thinks its a good idea to have a couple hipsters giving each other luxury cars?  F*ck that noise.

Bro, how about you unbutton that top button, change the skinny jeans and get a haircut.  I bet these two a$$holes are graphic and interior designers.  F*ck them.

Who the f*ck buys a car for someone for Christmas other than someone getting one for their kid (and if the kid gets a Lexus, f*ck them too)?  Oh, hey, honey, thanks for dropping 50 large in a terrible economy, so when I get laid off we can continue to have payments on what could be the price of a small home in some parts of the country at super-high interest.  BEST. GIFT. EVER.

In a bad economy, I think they should go in one of two directions...

1.  A waspy couple drives their Lexus to a holiday party and goes into a house, only to have the car stolen and taken to a chop shop.

2.  This f*cking graphic designer loses his job and can't pay for his Lexus, so it gets repo'd.

DECEMBER TO REMEMBER, B!TCHES!!!!!

-Big Ran

KC Jones notes: I couldn't agree with you more Big Ran. Truer words have never been spoken (or blogged). How about option #3: A waspy couple brings the Lexus home and their newly licensed teenage daughter takes it out and gets knocked up in the back seat? Uh-oh, looks like it's time for a trade in and a mini-van....Don't worry Big Ran, as usual, Honda, along w/ a little help from Putty (Seinfeld), puts these ass clowns in their places. Now this is what I'm talkin' 'bout!:



Big Ran Note: YESSSSS! I hadn't seen this Honda commercial, but do I like it? ALL SIGNS POINT TO YES!

Only 2 Days till Thanksgiving Jam

I think I react the same way to work now that I did to school when I was a kid and it was anytime close to a vacation or holiday.  I HAVE NO DESIRE TO DO ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE.

I just want to rock out, so this song will do it.  This is a total jam and has the added bonus of having possibly the most genius video of all time.  Simple, yet perfect.  If you don't think I'm doing this dance at 2 PM when my office closes tomorrow, you are outside of your mind.

-Big Ran

Big Ran's Movie Review: Twilight (The third one? Fourth?)

Like, OMG, I'm like SOOOO in to you right now.

To just go back in time just a bit, my birthday was a couple of weeks ago.  So, my wife says to me, "I'm going to take you to the movies for your birthday."  In my head, I thought, "OK, that's a strange thing for her to say, but I friggin' love movies."  Then it dawned on me (no pun intended, but that worked out pretty nicely):  "Oh man, Twilight must be out."  My wife responded with "Yup! Happy birthday!"

Well, good things come to those who wait because yesterday she delivered on that promise and we saw "Twilight: Breaking Dawn."  

Now, I didn't read any of these books, so there are constantly things I need clarification on in addition to the fact that I never remember what has been going on in previous movies.  What I didn't know until after the movie is that the final book was divided into three sections, so I guess they are making a movie for each part of the last book.  A.  Holy sh!t, there are two more movies.  B.  This movie had a slow ass start; nothing went down until the last half hour or so I'm sure they could have crammed everything into one movie, but that doesn't put my money in the pockets of Robert Pattinson's skinny jeans, so I have to see two more.

The best part of the movie was right after the two main peeps got married, the vampire tells his chick, "I have one more present for you, let's go somewhere a bit more private."  And I said to my wife, "It's in my pants,  and it's my boner."  Definitely the best part of the movie.

So, on the plus side, there were less shirtless dudes in this one than the last one, so there was a lot less 14 year old girls shrieking in the theater.  Also, thank God for smart phones.  I could check my fantasy football team the whole time.

Overall, I give it two out of five stars.  The wolves were cool and less shirtless dudes.

-Big Ran

PS: When you try a google search for Kristen Stewart Br (for Breaking Dawn), you get this:  Kristen Stewart Bra Size.  That's always good on the work computer.

Big Ran's Sh!tmix Tape

Big Ran's Sh!mixtape:

1. Nickleback - Photograph


2. Barenaked Ladies - One Week


3. Dido - Thank You


4. Aerosmith - Don't Wanna Miss a Thing


5. Creed - With Arms Wide Open


BOOM. Game, set, match, Big Ran.

KC's Sh!tmix Tape

Ok, so, using Big Ran's rule that it's not the 5 worst songs of all time, but perhaps the 5 songs you'd be most embarrassed to drive around bumping from your ride, here I go--this is SO difficult though...:

1.George Michael: "Monkey"

2. Madonna: "Santa Baby"

3. Bobby Brown: "Humpin' Around"

4. Culture Club: "I'll Tumble For Ya"

5. Olivia Newton John: "Physical"


-KC Jones

Irrational Rant....Fill 'Er Up!

This is a rant that's been a long time coming, and since I have a little time to sit and spit hot fire right now, here we go!

Ok, so, most of us drive cars and therefore have to go to the gas station on a weekly basis. If you're like me , it's not one of your favorite stops to make, but sitting on the side of the side of the road with an empty tank of gas is even LESS of a good time! Anyway, what usually happens is that I'll end up stopping in the morning on the way to my POE. And, because I'm a beast in the morning and it takes me 17 hours to get out of bed and get going, I am usually running late. So, my plan is to pull up to the pump, throw my card in, pump my gas, and get the hell out of Dodge.

Sadly, things don't usually go according to plan and at one point two weeks ago in the frigin artic temperatures, I had the most infuriating experience ever, prompting this rant!

On the day I'm referencing, it was about 30 degrees and windy, and of course I didn't have my mittens or gloves out as it was only October (and had probably been in the 60's the day before). I hop out of my sweet ride and notice that I pulled up on the wrong side. (I just got a new vehicle and naturally, after years of conditioning to pull up with the left side facing the pump, I now have to somehow remember it's the RIGHT side.....remember the saying "You Can't Teach an Old Dog New Tricks"? Well, woof, woof!) So, ok, that's user error and I hop back in and fix the problem. I then get back out and the wind is whipping my face and I'm freezing. I put my card in the machine and suddenly, I feel like I'm in an interrogation room in a jail. The machine begins to display the following questions/commands (all I want to do is fill up my frigin tank!) and I'd love to share them and my inner monologue with you:

1. Please enter zip code....I oblige, and really think it's ridiculous. Will I get a better price or favorable treatment if my zip code one set of numbers rather than another?

2. Please insert your Shaw's Rewards Card...I don't have one with me...I hate Shaw's anyway....and now I'm cold and late....why do I have to have 17 plastic rewards card to get a frigin fair deal anyway?

3. Is this a Debit Card?....Hell no, I'm not giving you fools access to straight cash homie...I'm using my AAA credit card to get the cash back since I'm getting screwed due to step #2.... can I please pump my gas now? My hands are cold.

4. Do you want a car wash?....No, this is a gas pump, I want a tank of gas...although I might need a hot shower for myself once this ordeal is over...Wait, maybe this is my reward for entering my zip code...never mind, it's going to cost $2.99---maybe my zip is a reflection of how much they think I can pay for the wash...did I mention my hands are cold?

I begin pumping the gas about three minutes after it says I can start because the frigin thing is so damn slow...and of course, throughout the mission, there are random hiccups where it clicks and stops pumping.

Someone took this picture of me at the pump during my ordeal....I WISH!

5. Do you want a receipt?...Sure....since I've been here for 10 minutes now, I'll take one....assuming it's going to print out right from the pump anyway...what's 2 more seconds?

6. Please go inside for receipt....Naturally! So then I go inside and stand in line. Another 5 minutes as Nana is in there trying to decide what scratch tickets to select (Hey Lady, how about I give you $5 to get out of my way and we'll call it even...I mean, you're not winning more than that anyway).....

And 15 minutes later, I'm on my way to my POE. Seriously? Why does filling up have to be a clusterf***??

Could be worse...I could be in Iran getting rationed...

Moral of the rant: Running out of gas and waiting on the side of the road for AAA to bring you some is probably easier and takes just about as much time....

-KC Jones

Inspiration Can Come in Many Forms

This is sneakily one of the funniest things I have ever seen on YouTube, probably in my top five, which could be another blog of it's own.  My proposal is this:  KC and I each come up with our top five worst mixtape songs and post them up here.  These won't necessarily be the worst five songs of all time, but if you had to walk or drive around a city bumping them, what would embarrass you the most?

CHALLAAAANGE!



-Big Ran

Ain't No Party Like a Hibachi Party

Boy, 2, Served Sake at Restaurant

By Dave Nethers
Fox 8 News Reporter
8:43 PM EST, November 15, 2011

JACKSON TWP., Ohio

Two-year-old Karl Preusser, Jr. was with his parents and their friends Friday evening, enjoying a night out at the Wasabi Japanese Steakhouse, a hibachi style restaurant where the cook prepares the meal in front of a table of guests.

His mother, Brittany Winter, said during the meal the cook went around the table offering guests a squirt of sake, a Japanese rice wine, from a squirt bottle.

She told police that the first time he jokingly asked their two-year-old if he was legal drinking age, and did not give him any.

Later, she said the cook again offered guests some sake from the squirt bottle.

"He asked K.J. if he was 21and K.J. said yes and opened his mouth because, of course, that's what he sees everybody doing," Winter told Fox 8 News, "and he squirted a mouthful of sake into his mouth."

Winter said the boy immediately started crying and saying his mouth was burning.

Other witnesses said the parents immediately got something else for the boy to drink while the cook started to quickly gather his things to leave.

Winter and the boy's father, Karl Preusser, Sr. left the restaurant and immediately went to see Jackson Twp. Police.

"He's two-years-old, still in diapers. Who would even think about serving him alcohol?" said Preusser, Sr.

Officers went to the restaurant where they were able to confirm the story through other witnesses, one of whom said she had to "do a double take in the direction of the table to make sure it was a child."

In her statement, the witness said, "The cook reached his arm over the grill and squirted sake into the kid's mouth for about three to five seconds."

"It was a little more than a small amount, it was a whole mouthful," said Preusser, Sr.

The cook, identified in a police report as Mingyang Zhu, 26, of Canton, told officers he "attempted to make a movement like he was going to give the child a drink, without pouring any."

He stated when he made the movement, he did, however pour a small amount into the child's mouth.

A manager at the restaurant told Fox 8 News on Tuesday that he had been advised not to comment.

In the police report officers said manager Josh Lin "did advise (the responding officer) that the bottles contain sake," and that "it does contain alcohol."

The police report said "he further stated they sometimes keep smaller bottles with sprite in them for children and that the employees are only supposed to give the non-alcoholic beverages to children."

"He spit it all over his shirt," said Winter, "so he reeked of alcohol when we left."

She told Fox 8 News that the boy was examined at the police department by paramedics and was fine.

The cook was charged with one count of furnishing intoxicating liquor to a minor, a first degree misdemeanor, and was summonsed to appear later this month in Massillon Municipal Court.

"I think this certainly is a strange situation," said Jackson Twp. Police Chief David Zink. "We have never had that, to my knowledge, in the past. Providing alcohol to any child, let alone an infant, is certainly disturbing."


OK, first of all, these parents should be ashamed on several levels.  First, their kid is a bold-faced liar.  The chef asked him if he was 21 and the kid said yes.  On that alone, stop the presses, case closed.  Second of all, they should be ashamed because their kid is a pussy and can't handle his booze.  He spits it up all over his shirt, then cries about his mouth burning?  Child please.  When I was younger than that my Dad gave me beer, which I promptly threw up, but I didn't bitch and moan, I manned up, booted and rallied.  That's how toddlers should roll.

Also for the parents, I can see using this to score a free meal at you local Ohio Hibachi Restaurant, but going to the police?  Really?  This Chinese dude doesn't have enough problems being like one of 17 non-white people in Ohio, that you have to bust his balls about a little shot of sake to their kid's grill?

Dad, you've got tats and a Harley Davidson t-shit.  How about you teach your son how to be a man?

-Big Ran

KC Jones Comments: I wish I could add to this, but it's clearly perfection and possibly one of the best posts ever written by Big Ran---trying to add to it would be like trying enhance the paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel (sp?)....

Big Ran Note:  I think it's the Sixteen Chapel because Leonardo DiCaprio was 16 when he painted it. I think that's right, but now I'm questioning myself.

KC Jones: Well, remember when I said that it was already perfection? That comment really just took it to a new level. I need to start wearing Depends when I read anything from Big Ran.

Tuesday Trivia...

...The Buck $tops Here....

Today's installment of "Tuesday Trivia" deals w/ a question that popped into my head the other day while I was drying my hair. It should be noted that many of my deepest thoughts along with many of my most ridiculous thoughts/questions occur while I'm either in the shower or drying my hair...I don't know why it happens, but I think it might have something to do with the stimulation of my brain as I wash and dry my hair. So, without further adieu, I'd like to ask "The Takeover" world: 'Why are dollar bills also referred to as 'bucks'?

For the answer, we of course turned to the most reliable source in the world...WikiAnswers (which I am assuming is a division of Wikipedia??)

Answer

The word buck - possibly an abbreviation of buckskin or buckarooney, an intrinsic "currency" for trade with American Indians known since 1746 - has been recorded since 1856 and is widely used as a synonym for the dollars of many countries, including Australia, Canada, New Zealand, Hong Kong and the United States and also for rupees in India and Pakistan.

Also, one wonders whether "buck" might not have been derived from "sawbuck" by the logic of "A sawbuck is ten dollars, so one dollar must be just 'a buck'."

Read more

And, on a related but unrelated note, here's some flavor for your Tuesday morning....I think Big Ran would agree with me when I say I miss the days of Bad Boy For Life

-KC Jones

Irrational Rant...Light As A Feather

Sometimes, I think I'm crazy when seemingly little things get me fired up. But then I remember that I'm awesome and I'm fired up because the matter at hand is legitimately ridiculous.

You've got to be kidding me.

 
I'd like to discuss the most ridiculous trend of the past few months; "Feather Extensions" for the hair. Yes, it's just what you're thinking, people (mainly women, or men who wish they were women, or old rock stars and 'no talent ass clowns'---see below), putting extensions that look like bird feathers in their hair. Um, ladies (and gentlemen??)...can you fly? Do you have wings? A beak? Do you head south for the winter or build nests? Right, I figured as much....therefore, you should NOT have feathers anywhere on your person. The people who wear these stupid things think that they are so stylish and awesome---apparently they also cause brain damage. I think the next time I see someone walking around with one I'm going to either make a citizen's arrest OR just rip the damn thing out.

Really? Is this the best we can do? On one hand, the 'perm' can breathe a sigh of relief as it remains the #1 hair disaster of all time...but, on the other hand, I think we've finally found something to dethrone the tackiness of the hair crimping trend from decades back. Imagine the crimp and feather extensions combined onto one person's head?

Here's a good rule of thumb: If either of these two are rocking a certain accessory/trend, you might want to leave it alone....just sayin'

Livin' on the edge...of insanity!

I've got nothin' to say about this....

-KC Jones

Why the F*ck Do People Do This?

So I just saw on facebook that a guy I used to work with changed his profile picture to a family portrait where they were all wearing white shirts on the beach (note: this is not the dude's pic, these are just some randos from the www).  I have a question...WHY THE F*CK WOULD YOU EVER HAVE THAT PICTURE TAKEN?  That is seriously the dumbest sh!t I have ever seen.  Terrible.  Awful.  Your kids are going to hate you in a few years and with two adults in the picture, wouldn't one of them have the stones to say, "Yeah, that's a terrible idea and I refuse to be part of it."  My wife would never suggest it and I would never be a part of it, so you have to have two consenting adults, which absolutely blows my mind.

I do want to take a moment to address the above photo, because I would be remiss if I didn't cover all the bases here.

What's the dynamic going on here?  Did Grandma and Grandpa (back row, left and center) want a pic with their kids (I am guessing back row right and front row left), their son's wife, kids, and dog?  Like this is a really weird collection, right?  The dog is the smartest one there because I didn't notice him at first.  You know he was thinking, "Ima get right behind this lady with the khakis and blend in with the sand.  I'm only here because they feed me."  Would the family portrait business go down the tubes if they didn't offer the white shirt/beach combo?  Also, what's up with all the bare foot sh!t?  Nobody wants to see chubs' feet on the front left, that sh!t is gross.

-Big Ran

Stuck In My Head Bonus

Stupid music day at The Takeover today.  I had a meeting this morning and someone used the term "can't deny..."  This song instantly popped into my head and I know KC will be fired up.  She loves her some Fabolous.

-Big Ran

 KC Jones' Note: Big Ran knows me too well...I do love me some F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S, so holla back youngin'... and his song "Breathe" is one of my favorites to listen to while I'm running....

Stuck In My Head....

I used to think that getting songs by groups such as Abba, Nickelback, or The Village People stuck in my head was torturous, and then THIS happened:



This has been stuck in my head since Thursday night, when I was watching my friend's 9 month old son. He is mesmerized by Elmo, and if he gets fussy, all you have to do is put this on and all is right in his world. Unfortunately, it has led to me singing it to myself for well over 72 hours now....In the shower, in the car on the way to work, in my cube, at a wedding this weekend....you name it, the song is with me. Can someone help me? I'm afraid that this is never going stop!

Next up? "C is for Cookie"---I'd actually welcome that at this point....


-KC Jones

Wake Up! It's Mutha F*ckin' Monday!

BOOM!  Monday all up in your grill!  Today was transh and recycling day today, which is the worst Monday every other week you can have.

-Big Ran

Happy Veteran's Day!

I don't have the guts to do what our troops do, so thankfully they do.  How awesome are these videos?  Dogs are the best.  I'm crying my eyes out right now, by the way.

Have a great weekend.

-Big Ran

Friday Mutha F*ckin' Jam!

Heard this on my commute home last night.  Mutha. F*uckin'. Jam.  You show me a person that doesn't jam to this and I'll show you a person with no soul.  Or they might be deaf and can't hear the song.

-Big Ran

PS:
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Losing Streak....

So, the New England Patriots lost on Sunday. Personally, I could care less about football. I don't hate it, but I don't seek it out. Err'body up in here knows I'm a Basketball Wife first & foremost. You also all know that I'm all set with Tom Brady due to all of his metrosexual tendencies, his Hollywood persona and other shenanigans since meeting up with Gisele. So, I'd like to take a moment to present the following picture which was posted on People.com & along with my commentary on the situation:

If you go to People's website, you will see that this picture was taken on SUNDAY, the day that the Patriots LOST. Clearly, it was taken PRIOR to the game since it is light outside and kick off time was around 4 p.m. So, I am wondering why Tom Brady would have been out gallivanting just hours before a game, especially considering they lost last week as well. Don't they have walk thrus, team meetings or something? This doesn't make sense to me. Oh wait, that's right, he's out on a brisk bike ride because his owner Gisele told him he had to do it. Gisele is clearly running the show, even her positioning here in front of Tommy Boy shows that he's nothing but a follower. She is just SO upset that she has yet to find a basket big enough to fit Tom AND Vida the dog in together. May I suggest a side cart Gisele? That way, you will be in complete control.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's no coincidence that the Patriots have not won a Super Bowl since Brady got tangled up in this mess. I thought we were turning the corner when Hollywood Tommy asserted his independence and manhood with a haircut....apparently he's being punished for that defiance with this bike ride on game day. Good luck this weekend against your nemesis, The Jets!  Something tells me the losing streak will be 3 after this weekend....I heard thru the grapevine that a round of Brady family mini golf is up for Sunday afternoon prior to kick off....followed by possible hair extensions for Tommy if he doesn't comply.

-KC Jones

Big Ran Note:  I saw Battle Los Angeles the other night.  It was better than I thought, but still had plenty of cheesy moments.  With that said, Tommy's ex, Bridget was in it.  FOR NO F*CKING REASON.  She was terrible and her character had absolutely no purpose.  My favorite part was when they dragged an injured alien into the police station to see how they could kill it and her line was:  "Let me take a look, I'm a vet."  Okay sweet cheeks, why don't you go ahead and just take a break with Tommy's child support because clearly your heart isn't in this acting thing anymore.  That's all.

Stuck In My Head

Today, my POE is going to get a spite-filled day of work out of me.  It's just one of those days when I am in a super mood.

-Big Ran

Holy Sh!t Will this Kill Some Time

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/45121167#.TrQz8fSa9GU

Awkward photos with pets.  Awkward school photos. Awkward family vacation photos.  I didn't know The Today Show brought this level of entertainment to the table.

-Big Ran

Oh No She Didn't!!!

Woman Burns Down Friend’s House For Defriending Her on Facebook

One day, years from now, Jennifer Christine Harris will scroll back to this week on her Facebook Timeline and regret everything she sees. (She'll also be, like, "I still don't get the point of Facebook Timeline. The interface is so confusing and the pictures are way too big!") The Des Moines native was arrested for having allegedly set fire to the home of Nikki Rasmussen, an old friend, while Nikki and her husband Jim were fast asleep. The person Jim instantly suspected was Harris, with whom his wife was having an ongoing dispute. It had played out on the pages of Facebook.

A police report says that when an officer asked Nikki Rasmussen about Jen Harris, Rasmussen said "… the two are no longer friends due to a dispute over Facebook. According to Nikki, Jen is angry with her because she ended their friendship on Facebook."

It's not as simple as just that. Were that it was! But, like Facebook itself, this story gets way too complicated and bogged down in the everyday minutia of narcissistic and profoundly lonely people with way too much time on their hands:

"Things were posted on Facebook," [Detective Jack ] Kamerick said. "Jen asked Nikki to create an event on Facebook for a party. Nikki did that. As the date for the party approached "there were a lot of ‘declines,' on Facebook, the detective said. It was looking like the party might be a bust. The dispute apparently blossomed. So when the garage went up in flames, Harris became the first name that occurred to the victims.

Luckily, the couple emerged unscathed. This had the potential of being the deadliest social-media-invite-related act of vengeance since The Great Evite Christmas Party "Maybe" Massacre of '03! And as for Harris, she is currently being held in Polk County Jail on $100,000 bond. It's probably not the poke she was hoping for. [desmoinesregister.com via The Daily What, Mugshot via Polk County Jail]

With all of the bad news in the world, it's nice to read such a refreshingly INANE story. Seriously? This sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit. How are you going to justify setting someone's house on fire simply because they 'defriended' (made up word, awesome) you on "The Book"? Could you even imagine what this broad would have done in retaliation for a serious, legitimate offense? 

Something tells me a mental health evaluation is going to be ordered as this case progresses and Ms. Harris will fail horribly. With behavior like this, it's no wonder that people weren't accepting e-vites to her stupid party. They were probably concerned for their safety. (Also, she probably asked Ms. Rasmussen to sent out the invite because had it come from her she already knew what the responses would say).

I wonder if Ms. Harris will be barred from Facebook now? If not and you happen to accept a friend request from her, just remember what might happen if you change your mind. Make sure your homeowner's insurance is up to date!

-KC Jones

Big Ran Note:  Two things:

1.  Imagine if Left Eye Lopes had been defriended by Andre Rison?  Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.  She burned down his house way before facebook.

2.  Cue the music...


Talking Heads - Burning down the house by Dan_of_the_Land

Friday Mutha F*ckin' Jam

Please Bieber, don't hurt 'em!  I told you, I'm on the Bieber Bandwagon.  I'm with Biebs!

It's Friday!  Throw 'em up, throw 'em up, throw 'em up!

-Big Ran

Chappelles Show
Fisticuff
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

Takeover Mailbag

OK, so we got an e-mail from a reader that I think strikes a chord with a lot of people: 

One of my coworkers eats carrots every day. He is at least 10 feet away from me - I'm in my office and he is in his. The sound of his crunching is so loud and unbelievably distracting to me. Like nails on a chalkboard. I feel I need to address it, but have no idea how. 


I can totally understand this.  One of my friends from a previous job had this problem.  Initially, she thought she just hated the sounds of people eating, but then she narrowed it down to being disgusted by people she didn't like when they were eating.  For example, we were friends, so I could eat something loud like an apple next to her and she didn't have a problem.  However, if someone she didn't like was eating something near her, she would be on the verge of throwing up.


I feel this way a lot too.  If there is someone I don't like, everything they do will piss me off, but if someone is a friend, even mildly annoying things will get a pass.  So, my advice would depend on how you generally feel about this person.  If you generally like them and you get along, you could just say something to the effect of: "Hey, I know this is going to sound crazy, but for some reason, the sound of people eating drives me nuts.  Again, I know this is crazy, but do you think you could close your door or warn me when you are going to eat something crunchy?"  If a friend were to say that to me, I really wouldn't mind and would just make fun of them for it, but would close my door or go somewhere else to eat my carrots.  PS:  this dude must have night vision if he is eating this many carrots everyday.


However, if you don't like them, that's another story and will depend on your office culture.  Personally, I am a dick, so I would totally start doing passive aggressive things.  For example, whenever they start crushing carrots, you could start playing music really loudly in your office, or slam your door shut.Now, I know you can't do this all the time, or in every office, so that makes it tougher.


You could always bring a loud food in and when this dude starts eating carrots in his office, you go in there and bust open some Sun Chips and just shovel them into your mouth while you talk to him, maybe grossing him out a little but.  Fight fire with fire.


-Big Ran

Catching Up...So Biebs Knocked This B!tch Up?

I don't know all the details, so has this kid been born yet or what?  Honestly, I don't care.  Here's my theory on this though:  No way is it Bieber's kid.  Look at this chick.  Biebs could pull any tween tail from his concerts that he wanted (plus their moms too), so why would he choose this thing?  Also, she was yapping about how it only lasted 30 seconds.  Dude, he's like 12 years old, that's what happens.

So, I guess I'm on Team Bieber.  Never thought I would say that.  I guess I'll have to grow some floppy hair and start listening to his music.  I'll start slow by putting my haircut off to next week and adding a Bieber station to Pandora.

  

-Big Ran

KC's notes: Big Ran, I'm kind of disappointed---I was expecting to see the below clip somewhere in this post! You know JB is praying for this outcome....otherwise, awesome post---we've missed you and clearly my motivation to blog was with you in South America...but, we're BAAAA-AAACK!


-Big Ran Note:  Damn, I totally screwed up, this was the clip to post.  This is one of my favorites of all time too.  This is why we need two bloggers.  Checks and balances.

Enough of These Mutha F*ckin' People on these Mutha F*ckin' Planes!

OK dudes, I'm back.  I was just on a business trip where I was in 9 countries and on 15 flights in 17 days.  Let me tell you something: regardless of the country or region of the world, people are f*cking stupid.  I should have written down all the bizarre things people do on planes and could have pretty much written a book by now.

My first flight of the trip was heading to Sao Paulo, Brazil.  I paid the extra $75 to sit in the first row of the section, not have anyone sitting in front of me and have extra leg room.  The flight was like 12 hours and overnight, so I figured it would definitely be worth it.  The plane was one of the 2-3-2 set ups in terms of seats across the cabin.  Again, this was an overnight flight, and most people were trying to sleep, so all the window shades were closed.  I was sitting in the window seat next to an older Asian man and his wife was to his right in the middle section.  At one point, I dart awake in the middle of the night because someone had thrown open the window shade and the sunlight shot right into my grill.  When I come to, the older Asian woman was leaning over me, opening the window.  Are you f*cking kidding me?  Is this real life?  On what planet is this acceptable behavior?  If I had an Asian Granny fetish and wanted a lap dance, I would find a club on my own, I don't need that type of action on a plane.

Now, granted, I am completely jaded by the flying experience.  I fly about 20 times a year, so everyone's idiosyncrasies just annoy the sh!t out of me.  I am also the douche bag that gets visibly irritated when I am watching a movie and the flight attendants make an announcement.  I don't give a sh!t that you will be taking duty free catalog orders, especially when you make the announcement in three different languages, pausing my movie for 10 minutes.  DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

Anyway, I digress.  What always pushes me to the point of screaming, "Everybody strap in.  I'm about to open some f*cking windows," is when as soon as the plane pulls up to the gate and stops, every f*cking person on the plane unbuckles their seat belts and bolts for their luggage in the overhead compartments.  WHERE THE F*CK DO YOU THINK YOUR GOING?  If you want to stand nut-to-butt with people for 10 minutes before they finally open the door, be my guest, but don't touch me or push me out of the way to do it.  When the line finally does start to move, these jack asses don't let you out of your own row.  We live in a society people, let the people in font of you out first.  I just get really aggressive and cut some a$$hole off that wasn't going to let me go, get my bag from the overhead and let EVERYONE in the rows in front of me out first out of spite.  I'M AN AMERICAN, LET ME SHOW YOU THE WAY!

Anyway, I'm glad to be back.  I should have plenty of irrational and marginally entertaining posts for you.

-Big Ran

PS:  This is how I take my coffee too: