Breaking News From God....

*Disclaimer: As with all of our posts, this is meant to be funny, and not offensive to any of our loyal readers who MAY have done what I am calling attention to below...and I'm not speaking of anyone specific as I saw at least 12 of these posts on my FB page within 10 minutes of the Patriots winning today (might be more tonight, but I haven't noticed)*

Ok, so I am a rabid NBA fan, and I become insane and irrational when I really get into the games. So, with that being said, I can understand the break from reality that occurs when your team wins. I cannot, however, understand the plethora of Facebook posts, texts, and other forms of communication, trying to insinuate or point blank say that the Patriots won today because God allowed Robert Kraft's late wife to pull some strings in Heaven. I HOPE that people are just joking with these posts, and I bet some people are, but others, I'm not so sure about.

God has a lot of things going on right now; people have cancer, people are struggling (emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually), there are wars, poverty, and illness in the world. While God may have given individuals certain gifts athletically speaking, I'm sure He could care less about the outcome of ANY sporting event. 

Plus, if He REALLY cared, Tebow and the Broncos would be heading to The Superbowl AND to Disneyworld.  Just sayin'....get it together people!

P.S. How did I miss the fact (until Big Ran posted about Tebow and Katy Perry) that Tebow is a virgin? Good for him, seriously. Good for him.

-KC Jones

Bachmann Turner...OH MY GOD!!!!!

What's up with conservatives trotting out these absolutely batsh!t insane MILFs on the campaign trail?  Add Michelle Bachman to the list of Presidential candidates that if they win, would have me singing "Oh Canada, my home and native land..."

Bachmann's camp is now saying it was all a joke.  Look at those people in the audience.  Now, look at the fat bro in the pink shirt behind Bachmann.  You think that's a joke to him?  That dude knows all about "morbid obesity diets."  He ain't laughing.

It's all good though, Michele's just taking care of business...(see what I'm doing there?)





Let me hear it...



-Big Ran

Proof There Is a God

Rolling Stone -  It took Perry a while to learn to embrace her body. "I started praying for [breasts] when I was, like, 11," she says. "And God answered that prayer above and beyond, by, like, 100 times, until I was like, 'Please, stop, God. I can't see my feet anymore. Please stop!' I was a lot more rectangular then. I didn't understand my body. Someone in sixth grade called me 'Over-the-shoulder boulder holder.' I didn't know I could use them. So, what I did was, I started taping them down. How long did I tape them down for? Probably until I was about 19. And, no, I don't have any psychological pain because of it."

I'm not trying to get religious on The Takeover, but just in case anyone was on the fence about a higher power, maybe this pushes you over the edge.  Not sure.  Maybe it was just the power of positive thinking.  Whatever it is, they are real and they're SPECTACULAR!

-Big Ran