Lunchtime Look-a-Like

I thought we'd continue on with the Van Gundy Themed Thursday started by Big Ran, so he we go!

The biggest difference between these two is that Stan the Man Van Gundy is most likely crab and VD free. Besides that, it looks like there was most likely a big mix up at whatever hospital where Mr. Jeremy was born. Clearly, he and Jeff Van Gundy were born at the same hospital but sent home with the wrong parents. Ah, such is life. I can't really imagine Ron Ron commentating on or coaching an NBA team anyway....and I don't WANT to imagine Jeff in the adult entertainment biz (nor do I want to think about the reality of Ron Jeremy, but it is what it is). The one thing this 'mix up' does prove is that certain parts of a person's personality are learned behaviors (under the assumption that the Van Gundy boys share no biological connection, they still both have extremely explosive tempers!) Does anyone have Maury Povich's direct line? I think a DNA test needs to done STAT. I'm anticipating a dramatic pause, followed by, "Mr. and Mrs. Bill Van Gundy, you are NOT the parents..."

Ron Jeremy

Stan Van Gundy (Orlando Magic coach)

Jeff Van Gundy (alleged brother of Stan---Paternity test results pending)

-KC Jones

Update from Big Ran:  anytime I can post this video, I will.

False Advertising....

A few weeks ago, something dawned on me, and then last night, while I was watching the NBA Playoffs, I was reminded of it again when I saw this commercial:


Somebody call the Attorney General's office immediately because this is the most blatant case of false advertising EVER. Come on! The Kia Optima is the official car of the NBA? Right, and Claire's is the official jewelry store of the players as well. Even the LOWEST paid player in the league wouldn't be driving around in anything less than a Cadillac Escalade or a souped up sports car and the highest paid players have fleets of all sorts of luxury cars. No way any current, past, or future professional baller is or will be driving a Kia, unless they are being paid to make a commercial for the company (ok, maybe Toine because of his bankruptcy issues). The only use the NBA has for a Kia in any capacity is as a prop in the Slam Dunk Contest (shout out to Blake, we see you!). This commercial is just making me angry....who do they think they're fooling?

Baby Bron, not a Kia

Superman...not a Kia

The Big Shamrock, not a Kia...

The Captain, Paul Pierce- doesn't look like a Kia either...

So, in a way, I guess this post could be an irrational rant, but I didn't want to officially label it that way because I think it's actually kind of rational.

-KC Jones

Update from Big Ran:  Spot on, KC.  Maybe Kia is the official car of NBA interns, or assistant coaches?  Remeber like 10 years ago when Jeff Van Gundy's Honda Civic was blown off the runway by the Knicks team plane?

I just remember not understanding how an NBA Coach would have a 5 year old Civic.

Comment from KC Jones: Big Ran- it's nice to see that one of the Van Gundy boys is just keepin' it real. I wouldn't be surprised if his brother big Stan is riding around in a side cart attached to D-How's SUV....

Endangered Whales Gathering Near the Cape, Poising for Attack

From Boston.com:

A record number of the critically endangered North Atlantic right whales has gathered close off the beaches of Provincetown and Truro and is expected to stay there for at least another week, said Dr. Charles “Stormy’’ Mayo, senior scientist at the Center for Coastal Studies in Provincetown.

Researchers counted more than 100 whales during an aerial survey Tuesday, with a preliminary count of more than 200 total, a little less than half of the known population. At some points the whales can be seen just a few yards offshore, to a quarter-mile out.

The whales are drawn to the area this time of year by the stores of zooplankton. Mayo said he thinks there is a large number of the whales there now because the area is particularly rich in zooplankton this year.

“We don’t understand that particularly well, but it’s clearly a combination of oceanographic processes and a lot of marine biology,’’ he said. “There are currents that bring the plankton into the area and local currents that cause them to concentrate, and it’s probably an overlapping of a lot of physical processes.Right now, the situation is good for that, just as when you grow plants in your backyard. Some years, there are better situations than others.’’

BULLSHIT.  These whales are pissed and they are getting ready for vengeance.  Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husbands too, cause these right whales are raping errbody up in here.  This zooplankton is just an excuse for them to loiter off the coast of the Cape and plan their next move.  I don't like it.  I don't trust them.  


Also, the marine biologists don't understand it?  That's your job bro, figure it out before its too late!  Unless the Globe found the dude posing as a marine biologist trying to impress a chick like George Costanza.  Wrong place, wrong time and his spot just got blown the fuck up.

-Big Ran

Black Eyed Peas Opening a Music Academy. I'm Serious.

Before I start, I recognize those two people in the middle.  Did they just get photo-bombed by those dudes on the book ends?

But, for real, the Black Keys Black Eyed Peas are opening a music academy.  Am I the only one that saw their halftime show at the Super Bowl where Fergi yelled at me for ten minutes?

This is like me opening a school for being totally satisfied emotionally by work.

-Big Ran

PS:  Fergie looks good.

Let's Go Spurs!

-Big Ran

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

Stephon Marbury has brought all hoops fans amazing levels of unintentional comedy, especially during his "Truck Party" time with the Knicks.  Anytime you can pair him and Isiah Thomas up on the same team, you have to do it.  The strange thing is, this article in GQ about his time in China definitely paints him in a different light.  Steph actually has some things going with Starbury in China.  It's an interesting read, if you have the time.

However, if you don't have as much time, or don't read so good, here is the way I prefer to think of Stephon Marbury:



"Oh man, I think I'm average 10 points, like 12, 13 dimes, like two, three assists, and about four, five rebounds..."

-Big Ran

For All My German Homies!

I see that we have one reader in Germany!  This is for you, bro!

-Big Ran

Do You Like to Climb Trees?

MJ does! Seriously, how can anyone deny the fact that something was terribly wrong with this 'man' (and I use that term loosely). This is quite possibly one of the most ridiculous segments of an interview I've ever seen. I love around 1:40 where he announces that he "never shows anyone his 'giving tree'" as he climbs the branches like a patient who has escaped a mental hospital. Honestly, in his prime, back in the Jackson 5 and "Thriller" days, he was totally a big deal because of his artistry. After that, the attention shifted to his ever changing Picasso portrait excuse for a face and his inappropriate dealings with children. But this right here? I love it!

Water balloon fight anyone?


-KC Jones

Marathon Update (Unintentional Irrational Rant)

I don't want this to turn into an irrational rant, but I am well past my wit's end with the marathon talk in the office.  We have an intern that ran it as well and she wasn't in the office yesterday, so today is her day to shine.  By shine, I mean wear not only a warm up jacket, but a running shirt, and warm up pants, all with "Boston Marathon" or "BAA" emblazoned on them.  This is all I heard about at lunch.  Running through Wellesley, cramping calves, crying when she finished.  Man, oh, man, enough already.  I can't take it anymore and I have just started making really passive aggressive comments about it, like asking her if she ran the marathon because I hadn't heard about it.  That I flipped over for 3 minutes on TV to watch a Kenyan win, then went right back to the Sox game.  If you haven't figured this out yet, I'm a total dick.

Another thing I have absolutely no interest in hearing about is if you went to watch the marathon or ran part of it with a friend.  So, you stood nut-to-butt with people in a crowd and WATCHED people jog by?  Holy shit, you should get the key to the city.  Yeah, you really played a major role in pushing people to their athletic potential by wasting your day watching people exercise.  To be honest, I think I may be more help if I bring a lawn chair to the gym, park it next to the treadmills, and just cheer for people there.  Who needs more inspiration: the people running a race they have been training the last few months or years for, or the people trying to crank out a few miles after working all day and then commuting home.  I'll go with the latter.

Today I also had the stories about people who ran with their friends for a couple of miles to keep them going. Piss off.  You are absolutely trying to take credit for them finishing the race.  Yeah, you are totally the John Stockton of the marathon, just dishing out assists to everyone who couldn't have done it without you.

So, enough.  Enough with it all.  You are all really good at exercising.  Except you lazy fucks who watched it in person.  You're lazy and couldn't think of anything better to do on a day off.

Look at that, this is today's irrational rant.

-Big Ran

Lunchtime Look-a-Like

I'm not sure I need to say anything about this comparison. However, I am feeling the "If They Mated" portion of my last "LTLA" entry, so, I'd like to start including that more often.  If you're interested, scroll to the bottom to see who their bundle of joy might be....

Ellen Degeneres

Lance Bass

Justin Bieber Bass-Degeneres

Yup, that's right....It's a Boy!!! A little baby Bieber might be the product of their love. Listen, I've got nothing but love for all of them. All three have been or currently are wildly popular, have healthy, shiny hair, killer fashion sense, and wealth. And have you seen each of them dance? How can I hate on that?

-KC Jones