Irrational Rant....You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Post is About You...

Okay, so I was driving into work this morning when a car with a ridiculous vanity plate drove by me. Something to the effect of "NETRK" or something like that. Bottom line is that it made no sense and was just stupid. So, I began thinking about how annoyed I get by people who have vanity license plates on their cars. I mean, really? So, in addition to your car payment, insurance payment, the price of gas, excise tax (where applicable--f you Massachusetts!), registration costs, inspection costs, and any repairs, you are CHOOSING to add to your expenses? Good for you. Having money to burn must be so hard. You paid EXTRA to your respective state to get a specialty plate which will allow your car to be more easily targeted if someone wants to screw with you?

Unless you have come up with something ridiculously witty to spell out, these plates are ALWAYS a bad idea. The people that opt for them are either egotists or just plain stupid. Here are a few of the most ridiculous ones I've ever seen the parking lot here at my P.O.E:

1. SNUZER: What? What does that mean? Should it be 'snoozer' and you just didn't have enough room? Do you like to sleep? What else could it possibly mean?

2. NXRBL: I've been trying to figure this one out for years. Again, because we are working with a limited amount of characters, did letters get left out? The best I can come up with is POSSIBLY "Next Rebel", which just makes no sense. However, this car belongs to a very large man who also has a 'nude beach' parking permit on his back window. So, nothing is out of the realm of possibility as far as I'm concerned.

3. MRCPA: Yup! That's right! And this one is exactly what it looks like: Mr. CPA, as in Mr. Certified Public Accountant. This dude is a TOTAL Poindexter, so I shouldn't be surprised that he took the time to acquire a plate like this. The plot gets even thicker when one realizes that his initals are M.R. so, it could either be "Mr." or just his initials. Regardless, he's a dork and he's super cool driving around in his Infiniti.

Maybe Big Ran and I should get matching plates....

-KC Jones

World Population Day!

We here at "The Takeover" missed a pretty big celebration on Monday. It was "World Population Day". I heard about it that morning on the news and was supposed to blog about it but a little something called work got in the way. So, I'd like to celebrate it today instead. As "they" (who are they?) say, better late than never. So, in the spirit of controlling overpopulation, I'd like to provide a list of the top 10 people I would like to remove from the world population. I know that the Space Program is over for now, so we can't send them into orbit, but I'm open to other suggestions.

1. Charlie Sheen: Clearly, our world would be on a "winning" track if we were able to exile him.

There are no words

2. The Entire Jersey Shore Cast: Martin Luther King, Jr had a dream, and I do too: Mine is that one day, we will have an STD free world and I figure this would be the best place to start as far as prevention and elimination are concerned.

Why America is losing its place as a super power: Exhibit A

3. Heidi Watney: Red Sox 'BROADcaster' extraordinaire! Obviously the dumb bimbo is on NESN because she's a dumb b*tch, but if I were a Sox fan or a baseball fan at all I'd be even more outraged as she's dumbing down the sport. This trick has probably slept with half of the roster and if I ever have the misfortune of going to a Red Sox game, I'll be sure to mention that if I see her. She's actually #1 on my list, but I thought of Charlie and the Jersey Shore trolls first.

"Why are all of these men wearing the same outfit?!"

4. Nickelback: This one is for Big Ran. I do not like them either, although I did a little when they first came out. However, not anymore. They make Big Ran want to punch babies and kick puppies, so we'll have to send them into orbit as well once the next space trip takes place.

5. Amy Winehouse: They tried to make her go to rehab and she said "no, no, no"....well, she doesn't get a choice with us. She and her hair will be going away.

Nope, she's clearly perfectly sober & healthy

6. Al Sharpton: Because, in his own mind, he is part of such an oppressed minority population, I'm sure he'll jump at the opportunity to no longer have to exist within the confines of such an unjust society.

7. The Cyrus Family: Billy Ray, Miley, Trish, doesn't matter, if the last name is 'Cyrus', Imma need you to take your achy breaky hearts and hit the road.

8. Madonna: To quote one of the best movies of all time, "Office Space", I must refer to her as what she truly is, a 'no talent ass clown'. Hey Madonna, you're 50-something: stop trying to act like you're still in your 20's, pick an accent (sometimes she's English, sometimes she's American!), pick a religion (sometimes she's Jewish, other times she's Catholic, and she practices Kaballah as well!), and pick a guy who is in the correct age range, preferable someone NOT named Jesus! The Virgin Mary is weeping having to share a name with you! Also, cover up those veiny, nasty arms. She can't sing, she has nothing intelligent to say, and relied on shock value to keep her career afloat for decades. Sadly, there are many suckers out there who fall for it!

GROSS!

9.  Giselle: Hey, since we're NOT going to pass a worldwide mandate forcing mothers to breastfeed and since normal women will continue to experience difficulties with pregnancy & childbirth (unlike her), I think it's time for her to go as well. Ironically, her removal from the general population will greatly increase the Patriots odds of winning another Super Bowl. I wonder why.

Remember when Tom Brady wasn't a fairy?

10. Danny Ainge: You ruined it for everyone this past season.You are arrogant, smug, & DUMB. This is why we can't have anything nice.

Smug S.O.B.

In case you want to read anything more about "World Population Day", click here....

-KC Jones

Big Ran note: Not sure what it is, but I can't stand this broad, Watney, either.  It could be because she bangs tons of the players, or some strange shenanigans at her last job, not sure.  Objectively speaking, she's attractive, but she chaps my ass.  Tina Cervasio was much better, thus her move to NY.  NESN should use Katherine Tappen.  I bet she wouldn't bang Varitek AND a Fenway security dude.

Vacation Time, Bitches!

I'm heading out of the office for a couple of weeks, so KC is going to be holding down the fort for everyone.  Who knows, maybe we have some guest writers to switch things up.  Either way, you guys win.  Rather than my quick-hitting, ADD-style blogs, you're going to get some well thought out and well written ones.

Vaya con Dios, bitches!

-Big Ran

PS:  You're welcome for including a picture of myself in St. Bart's last year.

Hide Yo' Husbands, Cause She's Mutilatin' Err'body!

Police: CA woman cut off husband's penis

Updated: Wednesday, 13 Jul 2011, 6:37 AM EDT
Published : Wednesday, 13 Jul 2011, 6:34 AM EDT

GARDEN GROVE, Calif. (AP) - Police say a Southern California woman drugged her estranged husband, tied him to a bed, cut off his penis with a knife and threw it down a garbage disposal.
Garden Grove police Lt. Jeff Nightengale tells City News Service the attack occurred Monday night. He says 48-year-old Catherine Kieu Becker was booked at the Orange County Jail for investigation of aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse.
The 51-year-old victim's name was not released but Nightengale says he is in serious condition after surgery at a hospital.
Nightengale says the woman told responding officers the victim "deserved it."
The woman is due in court Wednesday. A telephone listing for her residence could not be located.

Read more: http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/national/police-ca-woman-cut-off-husbands-penis-25-apx-20110713#ixzz1S01MDBDO

Having been the recent victim of a serial cheater and con artist I cannot say that I blame this woman. We have no idea what this man (now unick*) has done to her.  I don't know which charge I like the best, but I find them all awesome. I am not condoning this behavior, I'm just saying that when you hurt someone repeatedly and violate and victimize them, there's no telling when they'll snap. You know what they say, if you mess with the bull, you're going to get the horns! On second thought, I feel like my whole life is "Aggravated Mayhem" (caused by someone else) lately, so that's definitely my favorite charge.

Here are the questions I have after reading this article:

1. Are penises garbage disposal safe?
2. How was she able to do all of this without him fighting back?
3. What exactly IS "Aggravated Mayhem" and why does it sound so funny?
4. If the genital was put down the disposal, what did they do at the hospital? I've never heard of a penis transplant. Even in death, you know the average man isn't going to be donating that to science or others.
5. Is this woman related to Lorena Bobbitt? I'm sure you all remember that incident.

*Unick: According to Urban Dictionary.com:  Americanized version of the word "Eunuch".

1. A man with his balls (testes) removed. Often used in royal courts to guard female royalty and concubines.

2. A man who is incapable of reproduciton.

3. A guy who doesn't seem to be interested in women, but also excluding homosexuality. They are just not the dating type.

4. A gutless wonder.

5. The third sex. The Non-sex.

"Mike is such a Unick, he's never dated a girl in his entire life!"

-KC Jones

Check Out Paul Pierce at the WSOP

Can't believe he's wearing his wedding ring!

So Young, So Angry, Damn that Rap Music!

See, this is what you can do when you have a championship.  In the off season, you can play in the World Series of Poker, wear shades, big headphones, an awesome customized Inglewood hat with a shamrock and your number on the back, and your championship ring.  "No big deal, I just happened to win the 2008 NBA Finals for the greatest NBA franchise around and was named MVP of the series.  You guys playing poker?  Sweet."

-Big Ran

R. Kelly's Gonna Be Livin' In a Closet

R. Kelly fails to pay mortgage for a year on $2.7 million house

US grammy-winning singer R. Kelly faces a $US2.9 million ($2.7 million) foreclosure on his suburban Chicago mansion.

JPMorgan Chase Bank filed the foreclosure lawsuit last month in Cook County Circuit Court. The complaint states that Kelly hasn't made monthly mortgage payments since June of last year.

Crain's Chicago Business publication reports that the Olympia Field home's appraised value fell 26 per cent in a year, to $US3.8 million in 2010. The original 1999 loan was for $US3.5 million

The principal due is more than $US2.9 million.

The R&B superstar's spokesman Allan Mayer declined to comment on the foreclosure. But he said Kelly isn't having financial trouble.

Mayer said the singer now lives in Chicago. Mayer said Kelly's recent tour and 2010 album, Love Letter, have been successful.

Something tells me that I couldn't go a year without paying my mortgage, just a wild guess.  However, maybe I could make a video where I pee on a teenager and make some extra money to make the payments, you never know.

KC can attest to the fact that I came up with "Molesta" as a parody for R. Kelly's "Fiesta" way before anyone else.  JAMN 94.5 stole my shit!

KC Jones note: Yes, Big Ran did, and he should be getting MAJOR royalties!

-Big Ran

Bad Idea Jeans

Bush To Release New Album

StarPulse.com - Gavin Rossdale is set to officially bring Bush back to life in September with the band's first album since it disbanded in 2002.

Rossdale reformed the group for the Epicenter festival in California last year, and the "Glycerine" hitmakers will perform at August's Sunset Strip Music Festival in Los Angeles - and this time they'll have something to promote. 

The band's brand new album, "The Sea of Memories," will be released on September 13 through the group's very own Zuma Rock Records label. 

Rossdale has also firmed up the members of the new-look Bush after former bandmates Dave Parsons and Nigel Pulsford declined an invitation to be a part of the reunion. They have been replaced by bassist Corey Britz and guitarist Chris Traynor. 

September will be a big month for the Bush frontman - his daughter, model Daisy Lowe, will also strip off and grace the pages of men's magazine Playboy.

OK, there is a ton going on for a short article, so let's try to tackle these issues one at a time.  First of all, this group went through several guitarists/bassists.  They should have just been called Gavin Rossdale and the Bushes.  They were big for a few years when there were terrible band names and even worse music.  "Bush," really?  However, with that said, I did like them and they had some good jams.

These dudes are old now.  I mean, I would be old to have a rock band, but these dudes are really old.  Look at that new album title, "Sea of Memories."  Pardon my language, but that sounds fucking TERRIBLE.  That's a Bett Midler album if I ever heard an album title.

See that last sentence, just thrown in there at the bottom?  Rossdale's daughter is going to be in Playboy?!  This is craziness, so here's more...

Wikipedia - Daisy Rebecca Lowe (born 27 January 1989) is an English fashion model who has modelled for editorial photo shoots and commercial advertising campaigns and has worked as a runway model. She is the daughter of Pearl Lowe, the singer/songwriter turned textile and fashion designer, and Gavin Rossdale, lead singer for Bush.

This is some wild stuff.  Like I mentioned about someone else earlier today, if this chick wants to get naked, I'll look at it.  She kind of looks like a cheeky, British version of Katie Holmes, minus the crazy husband (I think).

Also, in my internet research on this whole topic (yes, there are topless photos of Daisy, just use google), I ran across this about Gavin Rossdale...

Gavin Rossdale regrets admitting to 1980s gay affair with pop singer Marilyn in Details magazine

NY Daily News - Perhaps Gavin Rossdale should have listened to "Don't Speak," his wife Gwen Stefani's 1995 hit with her band, No Doubt, before he spoke to Details magazine.

A source close to the Bush front man tells us he's "seriously regretting" going on the record with the publication about his 1980s affair with gender-bending pop singer Marilyn (nee Peter Robinson) - in part, because he then had to come clean with his wife.

In the article, which posted on Details' website on Monday (and will be available on newsstands Oct. 19), Rossdale admits to the long-rumored affair after writer Jonah Weiner asks him if the relationship, which took place when Rossdale was 17 years old, was a case of "one-time experimentation."

The rocker responded, "Yeah. That was it." But our source tells us (and another confirms) that after the interview, Rossdale approached the publication's editors and "pleaded with them" not to print the admission. Details chose to run with its scoop.

We hear this has left Rossdale with some 'splainin' to do, as far as his superstar wife is concerned.

According to our source, although Stefani has been aware of the rumors, "Gwen didn't know that Gavin and Marilyn were actually involved. Gavin always said before that they were just friends and that's what she believed, until Gavin had to tell her" because of the interview in Details.

Boy George first wrote about Rossdale and Marilyn in his 1995 book, "Take It Like a Man." At the time, both men denied the relationship, but last year, Marilyn told In Touch magazine that he and Rossdale had been involved for five years.

Marilyn also said that because Rossdale's band, Bush, was "just becoming successful in America" at the time Boy George's allegations were hitting the press. "I agreed to lie against every grain of my being."

Details magazine declined to comment. A spokeswoman for Rossdale didn't get back to us by deadline.

In no way am I judging here, I just want everyone to know how much hot fire I am bringing to you today.  Also, fucking look at Rossdale in that photo!  I just researched the shit out of this.  Rossdale and Gwen Stefani are still married (I couldn't remember), and he is an avid tennis player.

Boom.

-Big Ran

We May Know the Secret Ingredient in Warren G's Boner Pills

Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket

 Maureen O'Connor — A five-inch Brazilian Wandering Spider—the most venomous spider in the world, which "can also cause priapism in humans"—stowed away in a box of bananas and leaped out in a German grocery store, running through the aisles and causing pandemonium on Friday.

After shutting down the store down for three days, a team of 30 wildlife experts failed to find the spider. They did, however, spray so many pesticides on the premises that they're pretty sure it's dead by now, unless it left the supermarket and is roaming the German countryside as we speak. No injuries have been reported.

Brazilian Wandering Spiders have previously stowed away in bananas destined for Tulsa andChatham. The "aggressive" spider's venom can cause excruciating pain, paralysis, asphyxiation, and painful erections that last many hours and can lead to impotence in humans.

So if you find a corpse with a giant boner and two tiny fang marks in southwestern Germany, know that it is the zombie spider of Bexbach, and it is coming for you next. 

For those of you scoring at home, priapism is when a dude is at full mast for four hours or longer, or so Cialis and Viagra commercials tell me.  On a side note, what's up with the people in bath tubs in the Cialis commercials.  They are always middle aged to old people sitting in separate bath tubs overlooking a farm or something.  I don't understand how that is sensual or boner-inducing in the least.


Maybe Warren G's people just mash these spiders up and bottle it up.

-Big Ran

Is This Person Good Looking?

Hope Solo.  This is obviously topical right now since the US Women's World Cup team just pulled out a miracle, last-second win against Brazil and will be facing France in the semi finals tomorrow (I knew all that off the top of my head, how about that?).  Hope is the talk of the World Cup around not only because she's the goalie, but a very good one, and possibly quite attractive.

I'll be honest here; sometimes her eyebrows and jaw scare me.  She's got some aggressive eyebrows, but that's OK, it matches her style of play.  I think she could be hit or miss for some people, depending on their taste.  So, while she's not necessarily my type, and she is a bit jacked, I am going with yes, she is good looking.  If she got naked in a magazine, I'd look at it and that has to be worth something, right?  I just won't play her in PlayStation if she has a sleeveless shirt on.

-Big Ran

Yup, Ortiz Should Pimp. Umm...What?

So this weekend I turn the TV on and on Comcast they have a simulcast of a baseball radio show that is on WEEI.  A bunch of old fuckers are talking about baseball and bitching and moaning about whether or not Ortiz should have charged the mound the previous night.  One argument is that David Ortiz often stands to admire his home runs rather than just run the bases with his head down.  All these old farts were referring to it as "pimping." I guess they had been doing this the whole show, but I didn't know that when that call summary was on the screen.

KC, don't you know a Lisa from Manchester, CT?  Is that her.

I just love that all these old dudes that probably railed against using the word "pimp" a few years back because it was a profession that degraded women, are all about using it now.  They're trying to be cool with all the hippity hoppers, I guess.

This is a pimp:



-Big Ran