Thursday, December 22, 2011
Stuck In My Head - Stuck in My Office Edition
I am one of three people in my office today so it's good to have an upbeat jam to get the loins going. This isn't my usual type of tune, but this gets me pretty amped. Amped to do expense reports and find ways to kill a few more hours.
I can't complain since I don't work tomorrow, so if you do, may God have mercy on your soul.
-Big Ran
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Lunchtime Look-a-like
The Celtics made their preseason debut on Sunday, only about 2 months late due to the lockout. Anyway, as you all know, I just adore Rasheed Wallace and haven't been the same since he retired. However, I will always take consolation in knowing that he played in Boston for a season and came up big when it counted. However, imagine my surprise when I thought he was back on the court, playing with the Celts against the Toronto Raptors. I was overjoyed, and puzzled...how did I not hear about this? I'm usually on top of NBA news. I didn't hear about it, because it didn't happen....and I realized it wasn't him, sad face.
Nope, it was Chris Wilcox, a new addition to the Celtics since the lockout was settled. I don't have too much to say about 'Cox yet (like that? I mean, we called Rasheed, 'Sheed, so I'm just trying to remain consistent), but I will say that he reminds me of the man who coined the phrase, "Ball Don't Lie"!
-Both played for the Detroit Pistons at one point in their careers
-I've now witnessed each of them pleading their cases with the refs during games
-They look very similar (they aren't twins, but there are STRIKING similarities).
-Notice the 'sun' tattoos on each of their right arms as well....just sayin'....
The words of Big Ran below, after I mentioned my thought to him, clearly validated that, unlike the Ghetto Boys, my mind was not playing tricks on me:
-KC Jones
 |
| Chris Wilcox |
 |
| 'Sheed |
-Both played for the Detroit Pistons at one point in their careers
-I've now witnessed each of them pleading their cases with the refs during games
-They look very similar (they aren't twins, but there are STRIKING similarities).
-Notice the 'sun' tattoos on each of their right arms as well....just sayin'....
The words of Big Ran below, after I mentioned my thought to him, clearly validated that, unlike the Ghetto Boys, my mind was not playing tricks on me:
Also, I saw a replay of the Celts game from Sunday and when Wilcox jumped up from the bench at one point I really thought it was Sheed for a second.
 |
| Chris Wilcox |
 | ||
| Rashhhhheeeeeeeed Wallllllace! |
For me, the NBA Season kicking off on Christmas Day is one of the biggest gifts of all...however, I have to admit, it's slightly bittersweet with Rasheed no longer in the league. Love him or hate him, (and you SHOULD love him), he's one of a kind!
Just a little something to help get you into the holiday spirit!
-KC Jones
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Tuesday Trivia....
So, after my "Last Christmas" post and "Wham!" shout out, you are all aware of my great love for the group. It's only appropriate that today's "Tuesday Trivia" post concerns the lesser known of the duo, Andrew Ridgeley. Specifically, what ever happened to him after Wham! ended? If you've wondered about this, here's your answer:
He has deliberately eschewed the showbiz limelight and spends his time playing golf and surfing while his millions earn interest in the bank.
It was in 1994 that Ridgeley quit the London scene with Bananarama sex kitten Keren Woodward and her son Tom to live in a converted 15th century farm house.
When he does surface, it is to campaign for environmental causes, in particular safer, cleaner water.
While Andrew and George are still close friends, their lives have gone in dramatically different directions since Wham! disbanded in 1986.
After an ill-fated attempt at a solo career, Andrew decided to remain behind the scenes as a songwriter to other artists.
To read the complete article, as this is just a part of it, click here .
-KC Jones
 |
| Then |
It was in 1994 that Ridgeley quit the London scene with Bananarama sex kitten Keren Woodward and her son Tom to live in a converted 15th century farm house.
When he does surface, it is to campaign for environmental causes, in particular safer, cleaner water.
While Andrew and George are still close friends, their lives have gone in dramatically different directions since Wham! disbanded in 1986.
After an ill-fated attempt at a solo career, Andrew decided to remain behind the scenes as a songwriter to other artists.
To read the complete article, as this is just a part of it, click here .
 | ||
| Now |
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Tuesday, December 20, 2011 1:21 PM
To: KC Jones
Subject: RE:
Also, on the way back, one of my friends goes, "You guys want to hear my
favorite Christmas song?" She presses play and it is Wham! She said it
is her favorite Christmas song and it makes her Mom cry every time.
And I think we all know why this is the best song ever; because G-Michael's voice sounds like a combination of both Fergie and Jesus....BEST DAY EVER!
-KC Jones
Office Etiquette/I Hate People...Revolving Doors
This will be a quick post as it's very specific and about one issue; revolving doors. It's also unique in that it is a hybrid post; it will address office etiquette as well my hatred for people. It wasn't a planned post, just something that came to mind after I was almost mortally wounded while using one as I entered my POE this morning. Just a couple of guidelines (as I've seen some pretty random things happening with them in my time here):
1. One person at a time (Part One): Do not attempt to go into the same section of the door as another person unless you are conjoined twins. If you are conjoined twins, you probably shouldn't have to work in this sort of environment anyway. And if you do, please make sure you are in sync in regards to your walking pace.
2. One person at a time (Part Two): Do not 'cut' in front of someone to get in the door first. It revolves, you will have your turn momentarily, and if you are that excited about it, remember, you can walk around and around in it all day long just like a hamster in a wheel. And if you're THAT excited about getting into your POE, I think you should probably seek psychiatric care ASAP.
3. Keep the Pace: This is the issue that prompted my post. I hopped into the revolving door this morning and was pushing it as necessary to get into the building. The Brawny Man hopped in in back of me and pushed the door so damn hard I went flying forward and almost tripped. No joke. I turned around and looked at him like I was a wild jungle animal about to maul his face off. He then proceeded to basically dry hump me the whole way down the hall and onto the elevators. He had no concept of personal space and clearly couldn't read social cues as I shot eye daggers his way.
The revolving door is a very simple concept as far as I'm concerned and if you follow the rules above, there should never be an issue in using it safely and without offending others.
-KC Jones
 |
| If these kids can get the hang of it, why can't adults? |
1. One person at a time (Part One): Do not attempt to go into the same section of the door as another person unless you are conjoined twins. If you are conjoined twins, you probably shouldn't have to work in this sort of environment anyway. And if you do, please make sure you are in sync in regards to your walking pace.
2. One person at a time (Part Two): Do not 'cut' in front of someone to get in the door first. It revolves, you will have your turn momentarily, and if you are that excited about it, remember, you can walk around and around in it all day long just like a hamster in a wheel. And if you're THAT excited about getting into your POE, I think you should probably seek psychiatric care ASAP.
3. Keep the Pace: This is the issue that prompted my post. I hopped into the revolving door this morning and was pushing it as necessary to get into the building. The Brawny Man hopped in in back of me and pushed the door so damn hard I went flying forward and almost tripped. No joke. I turned around and looked at him like I was a wild jungle animal about to maul his face off. He then proceeded to basically dry hump me the whole way down the hall and onto the elevators. He had no concept of personal space and clearly couldn't read social cues as I shot eye daggers his way.
The revolving door is a very simple concept as far as I'm concerned and if you follow the rules above, there should never be an issue in using it safely and without offending others.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Thrill of Victory and Agony of Defeat
After a bunch of rumored deals, David "The Godfather" Stern eventually relented and let the Chris Paul deal go through with the LA Clippers. In the video below you can clearly see DeAndre Jordan, Blake Griffin, and Caron Butler getting fired up for "Lob City:"
Chris Paul looks happy at the press conference and said all the right things. However, there is a bit of a contrast between Chris Paul and his new teammates and the guys he was swapped for...
 |
| Chris Kaman, minutes after he was released from a North Korean prison following Kim Jong Il's death. |
 |
| This picture is downright sad. Eric Gordon (middle), genuinely looks like he is going to cry. |
While I don't agree with what Stern did to the Hornets - Lakers - Rockets deal, I am super pumped that the Lake Show didn't get Chris Paul. Not only that, but that had to give up Lamar Kardashian for absolutely nothing. They now have to rely on Metta World Peace as their starting power forward. At least he didn't loose his teeth in his 20s.
-Big Ran
PS: If Melissa Rohlin can get a job with the LA times and go to Lakers training camp, how does KC not have a job for life with the Boston Globe?
Irrational Rant...Office Christmas Parties
'Tis the moooooooost awkward time of the year!
This is the week everyone! The week for office Christmas parties! Woo hoo! Crappy baked goods? Check. Awkward conversation? Check. Weirdos in your office getting up on their high horse about organizing a party 99% of people would rather skip and just go home early? Check.
Office Christmas Parties are honestly the bane of my existence. I am referring specifically to the super-awkward ones you will have within your department. There is always the person who takes it upon themselves to organize it and takes themselves way to seriously. Doling out instructions and orders and feeling very important because they are most likely the dumbest and least influential person in your department. That's who organizes ours. Every year I request that day off and every year I get rejected because we all need to be there for the party. Look, I know I am charming and handsome, but I think you'll be able to do without the guy making sarcastic remarks throughout the entire party.
The last four years at my current P.O.E. we have had a Yankee Swap, which honestly frustrates me more than probably anything on the planet. I think it has always been about a $20 limit and I would always take time to think about an sweet gift. My first year at this job I wasn't sure how people rolled, so I got a $20 gift card to Best Buy. I thought that was pretty good because it would be easy to re-gift, or go buy yourself a movie or some music. Nope, people were literally talking sh!t about it while passing it around. F*CK YOU.
So, the second year I got something more tangible, a pretty sweet office desk/pen holder/frame thing that would be good for the office. Nope, apparently that sucked too.
In year three I knew we had a ton of germ-o-phobes in the office so I got a no-touch soap or hand sanitizing dispenser. That was actually a big hit and I tried to take it back before someone else eventually sniped it.
However, not all people take any time to think about the gift, put in any effort, or spend any actual money. Here's a piece of advice: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO PARTICIPATE, DON'T. JUST STAND ON THE SIDELINES RATHER THAN GOING THROUGH YOUR BASEMENT OR DESK THE MORNING OF THE PARTY.
My first year I got a clearly re-gifted set of "Irish Coffee Mugs." When I got home and showed my wife she said, "Put them right in the recycle bin." I only regret not selling the copper like a meth addict. This is exactly what they looked like:
My second year I received, again clearly re-gifted, partridge in a pear tree ornaments. When I got home, my wife told me to put them right in the trash.
For my third year I ended up with a Christmas mug with sugar cookie mix. For real.
So, last year I decided to stick it to the man, went to Big Lots and got was later affectionately deemed the "1980s Single Lady Night In Gift Set." It contained one package of microwave popcorn, Flipz, a bottle of three buck chuck from Trader Joe's, and season four of MacGyver on DVD. My friend ended up with it, so I took the gift from her at the end. I just wanted to prove a point.
This year, I finally succeeded in getting rid of the Yankee Swap and a bunch of us worked with an organization to buy Christmas Gifts for kids in a couple of families in the Boston area. However, the nutbags that run our party not only didn't get in on that, but held their own Secret Santa AND are forcing us to decorate Gingerbread Houses during the party. The best part? People aren't allowed to bring their kids. So, you are having adults decorate gingerbread houses, but kids can't come. F*cking bizarro world.
I will be constructing the most offensive gingerbread structure possible, I give you my word. I was thinking either the Gingerbread Playboy Grotto or a Gingerbread Abortion Clinic (too much?). Not sure which one yet.
-Big Ran
A Sad Day for Crazy Communist Dictators Everywhere
 |
| Feb 16, 1942 - December 17th, 2011 |
Pour out a little goryangju tonight and que the music...
-Big Ran
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Stuck In My Head
Year round, I find the following song "Stuck In My Head". However, with Christmas less than a week away, I figure this is a very appropriate post for right now. This might be one of my favorite songs of all time....no, not my favorite Christmas song, but one of my favorite songs PERIOD (just ask anyone unfortunate enough to have been at my house this past weekend!). The song is great, but I think the video is what really does it for me and cements its place as the best 4 minutes and 38 seconds in history. Pay attention to the singing, the stress on the 's' sounds, and everything that is going on in the video, because I won't be able to adequately comment on all of it. So, without further adieu, I'd like to present , "Wham!'s", "Last Christmas" with my running commentary:
The first 17 seconds really set the mood and provides an appropriate setting for a song about Christmas.
Seconds 19-32- the longest 'waving' sequence in history, accompanied by some of the most stylish cold weather clothing of the early 1980's, including the first appearance of George Michael's warm winter hat....it looks so fluffy and warm...oh wait, that's his hair? Yesssssssss....
Seconds 33 through the one minute mark; an awkward eye exchange between G-Mike and the "Lady in Red"...followed by more holiday greetings, awesome coats, and even more awesome hairstyles. Away we go on the monorail! Is this Disney World or The Alps?
1:00-1:50- Again, what festive scenery, and what huge duffel bags! Nice tinsel scarf George! Uh oh, another awkward interaction between our boy and the lady now in mustard. And, the creepiest spoken word/sung vocals on the track, the whispered, "Merry Christmas, I wrapped it up and sent it, with a note saying I love you I meant it"....this line coincides PERFECTLY with the shot of the 'merry' grown man carrying in a stack a wood a toddler could easily handle all while having tinsel thrown at him playfully by other grown men, all of whom have luxurious mullets as well! Apparently this lady is a bit of tramp as she is with another man this Christmas...must be why they brought her on the trip!
1:50- Frolicking in the snow! YAY! 1:55 is something I wish I could get framed for my living room. I can't distinguish between his hair and the actual trim of the hood he is sporting.
2:00- I'm so confused. Why is a cake with sparklers making an appearance? I thought this was a song about Christmas, not about the 4th of July? Look at all the hair in this video and all of the outrageous wardrobe choices. So many sweaters, so many putrid colors, so many fun activities, and SO many serious conversations (George isn't f-ing around at the 2:20 mark!). So, clearly, there's a 'situation' here and he's clearly recollecting his "Lasssssst Chrissssstmasssssssss" with her from the other end of the table. Luckily, her perfectly styled, triangular shaped hairdo is protecting her from his intense stare. And then she has to start playing with 'the pin'....clearly what he must have sent with the note! It's all coming together now just in time for the flashback to "Last Christmas" at the 3 minute mark!
3:00- Who plays in the snow with full length wool dress coats? Also, who has better hair, him or her? This might be why they ended up breaking up! Guess we have to continue watching to know for sure....and 3:15...BINGO! The pin! What girl DOESN'T want a nice piece of costume jewelry to adorn her lapel? One mystery solved! I also have no idea where they are all walking to in the snow, but I do know that I'm LOVING the woman who is wearing a coat that looks like a couch.
And the video ends the same way it began...and I'm left sitting here, having to draw my own conclusions. So, I'll do my best:
She obviously dumped him because of the horribly tacky gift he presented to her OR he dumped her when he realized that she was all hugged up with one of his friends. Most likely, it was the first scenario. Then, his friend doesn't subscribe to the age old "Bros Before Hoes" mantra and snatches up George's sloppy seconds. Either that, or she caught a glimpse of George in the "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" video and realized her legs couldn't compete with his when wearing hot pants.
Whatever the case, I am left confused but so thankful that a group like Wham! existed during my childhood. These songs are the soundtrack of my life and although they are wishing us a Merry Christmas and extending a "Thank You" at the end of the video, it is us who owe them a sincere "Thank You".
P.S. There will be a future post about "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" during which I will be looking for suggestions as to why George was wearing a "Choose Life" T-Shirt. I simply cannot disrespect either of these masterpieces by not giving each of them their OWN post.
P.P.S. Was Wham! ever really a group? George never needed Andrew Ridgeley, did he?
P.P.P.S: If you don't like Wham!, I don't like you and you belong on a Terror Watch List.
-KC Jones
The first 17 seconds really set the mood and provides an appropriate setting for a song about Christmas.
Seconds 19-32- the longest 'waving' sequence in history, accompanied by some of the most stylish cold weather clothing of the early 1980's, including the first appearance of George Michael's warm winter hat....it looks so fluffy and warm...oh wait, that's his hair? Yesssssssss....
Seconds 33 through the one minute mark; an awkward eye exchange between G-Mike and the "Lady in Red"...followed by more holiday greetings, awesome coats, and even more awesome hairstyles. Away we go on the monorail! Is this Disney World or The Alps?
1:00-1:50- Again, what festive scenery, and what huge duffel bags! Nice tinsel scarf George! Uh oh, another awkward interaction between our boy and the lady now in mustard. And, the creepiest spoken word/sung vocals on the track, the whispered, "Merry Christmas, I wrapped it up and sent it, with a note saying I love you I meant it"....this line coincides PERFECTLY with the shot of the 'merry' grown man carrying in a stack a wood a toddler could easily handle all while having tinsel thrown at him playfully by other grown men, all of whom have luxurious mullets as well! Apparently this lady is a bit of tramp as she is with another man this Christmas...must be why they brought her on the trip!
1:50- Frolicking in the snow! YAY! 1:55 is something I wish I could get framed for my living room. I can't distinguish between his hair and the actual trim of the hood he is sporting.
2:00- I'm so confused. Why is a cake with sparklers making an appearance? I thought this was a song about Christmas, not about the 4th of July? Look at all the hair in this video and all of the outrageous wardrobe choices. So many sweaters, so many putrid colors, so many fun activities, and SO many serious conversations (George isn't f-ing around at the 2:20 mark!). So, clearly, there's a 'situation' here and he's clearly recollecting his "Lasssssst Chrissssstmasssssssss" with her from the other end of the table. Luckily, her perfectly styled, triangular shaped hairdo is protecting her from his intense stare. And then she has to start playing with 'the pin'....clearly what he must have sent with the note! It's all coming together now just in time for the flashback to "Last Christmas" at the 3 minute mark!
3:00- Who plays in the snow with full length wool dress coats? Also, who has better hair, him or her? This might be why they ended up breaking up! Guess we have to continue watching to know for sure....and 3:15...BINGO! The pin! What girl DOESN'T want a nice piece of costume jewelry to adorn her lapel? One mystery solved! I also have no idea where they are all walking to in the snow, but I do know that I'm LOVING the woman who is wearing a coat that looks like a couch.
And the video ends the same way it began...and I'm left sitting here, having to draw my own conclusions. So, I'll do my best:
She obviously dumped him because of the horribly tacky gift he presented to her OR he dumped her when he realized that she was all hugged up with one of his friends. Most likely, it was the first scenario. Then, his friend doesn't subscribe to the age old "Bros Before Hoes" mantra and snatches up George's sloppy seconds. Either that, or she caught a glimpse of George in the "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" video and realized her legs couldn't compete with his when wearing hot pants.
Whatever the case, I am left confused but so thankful that a group like Wham! existed during my childhood. These songs are the soundtrack of my life and although they are wishing us a Merry Christmas and extending a "Thank You" at the end of the video, it is us who owe them a sincere "Thank You".
P.S. There will be a future post about "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" during which I will be looking for suggestions as to why George was wearing a "Choose Life" T-Shirt. I simply cannot disrespect either of these masterpieces by not giving each of them their OWN post.
P.P.S. Was Wham! ever really a group? George never needed Andrew Ridgeley, did he?
P.P.P.S: If you don't like Wham!, I don't like you and you belong on a Terror Watch List.
-KC Jones
Fat Guy in a Little.....Car....
So, law enforcement is concerned with texting and driving, talking and driving, drinking and driving, and with all forms of distracted driving. These are all valid concerns and should be taken seriously. However, I think it's time someone called attention to another dangerous trend that's been flying (or, in this case, driving) under the radar for far too long. I'm not sure of the technical term, or if there is one yet, but it has to do with people driving the wrong sized vehicles for their bodies.
Yup! You read that correctly! Lately, I have noticed a ridiculous amount of large people jammed into compact vehicles such as PT Cruisers, Volkswagen Beetles, and Smart Cars, while, on the other hand, I have noticed many small people (barely) peering over the dashboards of Escalades, F-150's, and other SUVs. What is going on with this?
First of all, it's hilarious. I love seeing a short man pulling himself up into the seat of a large truck using all of his upper body strength. And then, 9 times out of 10, he gets on the road and starts driving like a complete a-hole, further proving he is suffering from a debilitating case of the Napoleon complex. And tiny little women driving huge SUVs?? Come on ladies! Do you actually want to give the dreaded, "Damn women drivers!" insult validity? Because you're doing a good job when you're behind the wheel of a vehicle that you can barely navigate without sitting on a few phone books while pulling all sorts of muscles as you strain to reach the brake pedal.
On the other end of the spectrum, and possibly even funnier are the large people who pour themselves into tiny cars. I kid you not- I'm leaving the gym the other day, and this large(tall and just all around big) man is leaving at the same time. He is shimmying his very large frame into a PT Cruiser. Ok, so once he finally gets in there, I'm wondering: 1. How is he getting out?, 2. If there's an accident and the airbag deploys, will he be decapitated?, and 3. Is he bald because his head is constantly rubbing against the roof of the car as he drives? I've been noticing this particular scenario more and more lately. Maybe it's because people are being more cost conscious and trying to use less gas....but they are forgetting a nice Honda Accord or Toyota Camry would allow very respectable MPG numbers while giving them room to move around while avoiding the risk of having their circulation cut off by a seat belt that fits more like a vice than a safety harness.
Just a quick little post to address this concern. I think the drivers in both cases are missing the point; to look smaller, get a larger vehicle...and to look bigger, get a smaller vehicle. It's kind of like with clothing; if you want to look smaller, you're not going with the big, loud prints.....
By the way, am I the only person who thinks of this clip when seeing these types of situations?
P.S. People who drive "Smart" Cars should be exiled from all major roadways, but that's another topic for a future post.
-KC Jones
Yup! You read that correctly! Lately, I have noticed a ridiculous amount of large people jammed into compact vehicles such as PT Cruisers, Volkswagen Beetles, and Smart Cars, while, on the other hand, I have noticed many small people (barely) peering over the dashboards of Escalades, F-150's, and other SUVs. What is going on with this?
First of all, it's hilarious. I love seeing a short man pulling himself up into the seat of a large truck using all of his upper body strength. And then, 9 times out of 10, he gets on the road and starts driving like a complete a-hole, further proving he is suffering from a debilitating case of the Napoleon complex. And tiny little women driving huge SUVs?? Come on ladies! Do you actually want to give the dreaded, "Damn women drivers!" insult validity? Because you're doing a good job when you're behind the wheel of a vehicle that you can barely navigate without sitting on a few phone books while pulling all sorts of muscles as you strain to reach the brake pedal.
Just a quick little post to address this concern. I think the drivers in both cases are missing the point; to look smaller, get a larger vehicle...and to look bigger, get a smaller vehicle. It's kind of like with clothing; if you want to look smaller, you're not going with the big, loud prints.....
By the way, am I the only person who thinks of this clip when seeing these types of situations?
P.S. People who drive "Smart" Cars should be exiled from all major roadways, but that's another topic for a future post.
-KC Jones
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Bad Touch
OK, so Jerry Sandusky has a new lawyer and this guy is really bringing some ideas to the table.
"Some of these kids don't have basic hygiene skills. Teaching a person to shower at the age of 12 or 14 sounds strange to some people, but people who work with troubled youth will tell you there are a lot of juvenile delinquents and people who are dependent who have to be taught basic life skills like how to put soap on their body."
I don't know about you, but if I ever had to be in a position where kids and water were involved, be it a bath, a shower, or a sprinkler, bathing suits are being worn by the kids. That's just a fact. Additionally, my wife works in a middle school and if a kid with a tough home life or some special needs had any hygiene issues, they wouldn't rush them off to the locker room for a hands-on demonstration. They give them the soap, or deodorant, and tell them to try that at home.
With that said, check out this Irish Spring Commercial from 1979:
A few things on that video...
First, its good to see homo erotic commercials were still alive and well in the year of my birth.
Second, there is some SERIOUS chest hair going on.
Third, if that hairy blonde dude doesn't look like a young Jerry Sandusky, I'll eat my shirt. So, I'm not telling the defense lawyers how to do their job, but I think they could argue that by being in this commercial, Jerry Sandusky thought homo eroticism and showering went hand-in-hand. Then, they go for a class action lawsuit against Irish Spring and their homo erotic commercials.
I didn't even go to law school and that's better than any defense they have come up with so far.
-Big Ran
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