AMERICA F*CK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COCOA, F.L. - GOP hopeful Newt Gingrich is unveiling a dramatic new vision for America's space program, which he promises to implement should he become president.


"By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon," Gingrich vowed at a campaign stop on Florida's space coast. "And it will be American."


The former speaker went even further, calling for a significant increase in the number of trips into orbit.


"We need to figure out how to do five or eight launches a day, not just one," he insisted. "If we’re going to get to the moon permanently, we have to do this. Does that mean I’m a visionary? You betcha."


Mitt Romney [2] has sharply criticized Gingrich over earlier space proposals, specifically pointing to a lunar colony plan to mine minerals from the moon as a waste of money.


One Gingrich idea Team Romney didn't seem to catch - statehood for Americans living on the moon.


"At one point early in my career I introduced the Northwest Ordinance for space and I said when we have 13,000 Americans living on the moon they can petition to become a state," Gingrich admitted.


"I wanted every young American to say to themselves, I could be one of those 13,000. I could be a pioneer."


That's a plan Gingrich now hopes to revive.


"I will as president, encourage the introduction of the Northwest Ordinance for space to put a marker down that we want Americans to think boldly about the future and we want Americans to go out and study hard and work hard and together we're going to unleash the American people to build the country we love."


OK.  Now we're talking.  Now we're getting to the good stuff.  Instead of all this back and forth of "You've had three wives."  "Well, you don't pay enough in taxes."  Now we have someone really upping the ante and essentially saying "We're gonna go to the moon, we're gonna take it, AND WE'RE GONNA PUT SOME MUTHAF*CKAS ON IT!"

Dubai has all their fancy sky scrapers, hotels, man made islands, and indoor ski mountains.  Dude, F*CKING MOON SKIING AND SNOWBOARDING!  I just blew my own mind.  Sick backflips and sh!t, right?

Granted, you have to have sweet moon bases because the lack of oxygen and the big swings in temperature could be a roadblock.  Maybe some sweet moon condos and country clubs for the 1%.  Good luck with Occupying the Moon, you God D@mned hippies!  Suck it!



Dude, imagine hitting a doobie on the moon and listening to Pink Floyd. The more I think about this, Newt may have totally convinced me to join his camp. If you can make the moon the 51st state, what can't you do? Those Rooskies will be running scared. Suck it commies!



-Big Ran

PS: Is Charlie Murphy on Newt's team or what? Chappelle had him beat on this by eight years. F*cking genius.



PPS:  I tried to post this Chappelle clip, but in a big surprise to me, it was not approved by Fox News.

You have 1 unapproved comment

•  Dave Chappelle thought of this first anyway:  http://youtu.be/iRygA_sM6lM

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Read more: http://politics.blogs.foxnews.com/2012/01/25/gingrich-talks-plan-put-colony-moon#ixzz1kamTWSiy

Get This Kid to Mobile STAT!

Teen helps police nab accused robbers in Hingham: MyFoxBOSTON.com

Teen helps police nab accused robbers in Hingham

Updated: Wednesday, 25 Jan 2012, 10:32 PM EST
Published : Wednesday, 25 Jan 2012, 10:32 PM EST

HINGHAM (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - A 15-year-old’s good detective skills helped police nab three people who are accused of robbing the teen’s father.

Just before 1 P.M. on Tuesday afternoon, Griffin Moriarty saw two men walking down the street with bags that looked familiar.

“I saw two guys walking by, and one had a Shawmut bag, the company my dad used to work for,” said Moriarty, “I immediately saw that. The other guy had a Nike bag.”

The high school freshman decided to draw a picture of what he saw.

“I know you lose your memory of what you saw within 20 minutes, you’re so busy,” says Moriarty.

Griffin then told his mom, who was in the shower at the time.

The teen’s mother told Griffin to check on his father’s nearby home. When he arrived, Griffin saw a shatter door and called the police.

Police were able to arrest two men, Robert Newell and Mark Rose, a few blocks away. They also arrested a female, Tracey Methe, who is accused of being the look out.

All three are facing a number of charges. Investigators say the two men have a long criminal history stemming from similar arrests.

His parents are certainly proud of him, but Griffin simply tells FOX 25 that it isn’t a big deal.

Ummmmmmm...a little familiar huh?  Get this Hingham Hero to Mobile by March 17th or you'll never get an accurate account of the Leprechaun.


-Big Ran

Stuck In My Head - Gronk Edition

I just wish this was longer. That's what she said. I was just starting to get fired up, the loins were getting going, you know?

-Big Ran

Lunchtime Look-A-Like

I don't know which one makes more nervous OR sick....

David Bowie

David Bowie...oops, I mean Tilda Swinton

So, just to clarify, David Bowie is clearly a MAN, but he played around with wardrobe, makeup, etc to create an androgynous look, and Tilda Swinton (because the name isn't helping us out at all) is allegedly a woman, but I'm not buying it. Honestly, this sort of thing just makes me angry.  What is s(he) trying to prove? So many similarities, where should I begin?

1. Both are pasty, see-through white.

2. Both have elf like ears and features.

3. Both have geometric shaped hair styles.

4. Both are incredibly unattractive, regardless of gender.

-KC Jones

*Big Ran Note:  A buddy of mine who LOVES rumors and urban legands once told me that David Bowie and Mick Jagger intercoursed each other.  After watching this video, there is to be no doubt about the awkward, 80s style sex they had (I'm not really sure what that means).  This video makes the NYC Gay Pride Parade look like a conservative Mormon convetion (if they have those).

Not A Lot of Tread Left On The Tire

Mother-of-four, 28, banned from every nightclub in town for being 'too old to wear skimpy outfits'

Daily Mail - With a size six figure and 36DD chest, this petite blonde thought she would have no trouble getting into a nightclub.

But 28-year-old Lisa Woodman has been banned from every hotspot in her home town - after being told she is too old to wear skimpy outfits.

The furious mother-of-four was barred from three venues in Worcester, West Midlands, because of her low-cut tops, short skirts and knee-length boots.

Ms Woodman, who is 5ft 3in, admitted she liked to flaunt her figure but claimed her outfits were conservative compared with those of younger girls.

She was left in tears on New Year's Eve when doormen at Mode nightclub turned her away and told her: 'You're too old to wear that get-up.'

Ms Woodman has also been banned from the city's other two nightclubs - Tramps and Velvet. 

All three, owned by the same company in Worcester, said the ban will stay unless she tones down her appearance.

Ms Woodman, a medical secretary at a hospital hygiene company, said: 'What's wrong with what I wear? 

'I'm not hurting anyone, am I? I am covering everything, and I just want to have a good time.

'We never cause any trouble and we've never been rude to the bouncers.

'None of the pubs give me any hassle about my outfits so why do the nightclubs have such a problem?'

She added: 'There were teenagers and girls in their 20s wearing much more revealing outfits but they went straight in.

'When I asked the bouncers why me and my sister weren't allowed in, they just said "You're too old to wear that get-up". 

'I couldn't believe it. I'm only 28 and still consider myself young.'

Ms Woodman started hitting the town last year after splitting from her long-term partner and father of her children Josh, 12, Jamie, ten, and daughters Billie, six, and three-year-old Angel.

She had a breast enhancement operation in April and regularly works out in the gym to keep her figure.

'I always like to look sexy when I go out on the town,' she said.

'I split up from my partner last year and I was really upset so I had a boob job in April and got into shape going to the gym and now I just want to flaunt what I've got.

'I normally wear short skirts and one-piece outfits which might be revealing but never show off too much.

'I like my high-heel boots and mini-skirts. I've got loads of them - they usually cost between £20 and £50 but when I let my hair down, I like to look my best.'

Ms Woodman enjoys a night on the town in Worcester once a fortnight with her sister Sarah, 32, and usually try to end the evening at one of the three nightclubs.

Ms Woodman claims some of the doormen have humiliated her when turning her away.

She said: 'One doorman even made me walk up and down and turn around in front of people laughing at what I was wearing.

'I was totally in shock and really humiliated. I look after myself and I'm only 28. I just want to be treated with a bit of respect.

'I rang the nightclub to complain but they just don't listen.

'The door staff told me I was banned for life unless I dress differently. It's outrageous.'

Her sister Sarah, a mother-of-one, said: 'If we were rude to the bouncers, they really would never let us in, so we're always polite and say "Hi, how are you?"

'But it's always the same response - "You ain't getting in tonight, girls".'

Yesterday, nightclub bosses defended their ban, saying they had a 'responsible door policy'.

Dean Hill, director of Nexum Leisure, which runs the clubs, said: 'We expect people to make an effort and we have a dress code of smart casual.

'It is the venue managers who are on the doors - they make decisions on the doors based on our policies.

'They make judgements based on someone's behaviour, their dress, if they're abusive and whether they have ID.

'And that is to make sure all our customers have a good night.

'At the end of the day, it's private premises and we reserve the right to refuse entry for anyone.'

Hachi machi. That's 28?  Did she give birth through her face?  I guess you can take the girl out of Worcester, but you can't take Worcester out of the girl, huh?  Oh, this is Worcester, England?  Damn.  The term "Sister City" doesn't even begin to cover the similarities, huh?  I grew up in Worcester, I can say that.  This whole story leads me to this this clip, which I send to a friend of mine on his birthday every year.

Here's the difference:  I would NOT love to tap Lisa Woodman's ass.  I would NOT tear that ass up.  I would be too scared I would turn to stone if I looked her in the face.  Ain't nobody mad at those titties though, Lisa.

-Big Ran

PS:  Lisa is the perfect name for her.  I mean no offense at all to anyone named Lisa, but I think at least 44% of the females at Def Leopard, and Journey reunion tours are named Lisa.  That's science talking.

KC Jones Comments: The phrase "Rode Hard and Put Away Wet" comes to mind. And Big Ran, I think this broad would blend in better in Oxford, Mass than even in Worcester. I mean, even the Woo might be a teeny, tiny bit more classy than Ms. Lisa...and per capita, Oxford has more straight WHITE trash.  She looks like she rolled right out of a bar and onto Route 20, landing on her face (after she birthed her most recent child out of it, of course!). Centerfolds 2000, watch out now!

Twits on Twitter...

I just decided to start a new set of posts on "The Takeover". This set will be called "Twits on Twitter" as indicated above and will allow me to bash 'celebrities' (and I use that term loosely) who I cannot tolerate. 

Honestly, there are so many people who I would love to see "put down" if euthanizing human beings was legal. I don't pay much attention to Twitter, as I don't have it, don't understand it, and could care less about it, BUT when I log on to "People.com", they have a live streaming twitter feed, with random 'Celebrities' current tweets scrolling 24/7. I just logged on to unfortunately see this one:

Brooke Burke-Charvet (brookeburke): gross morning. Woke up to a bloody 1/2 eaten dead rat that I almost stepped on in my garage. U know I wanted to tweet it but almost barfed!!

Ok then, just a couple of things:


1. Hey Brooke Burke, how much work have you had done? I can't stand your face! (And all of the plastic surgeries have just made me hate you more!)


2. Um, no one cares. Seriously. Why would ANYONE think that anyone in the world cared to read about this? What, it disgusted you, so you wanted to ruin everyone else's appetite as well? Oh, you "barfed"? Haven't heard that word since I was in middle school or subjected to an episode of "The Simpons"


3. Hey Brooke Burke: You suck on Dancing With The Stars and you suck in the "Sketchers" commercials (really? You've always been passionate about WALKING? Walking really isn't something anyone associates with passion, I wonder if the botulism from your injections is leaking into your bloodstream and going straight to your brain). The phrase "no talent ass clown" comes to mind. Good job posing nude in Playboy to launch your 'career'...which has since been a joke.


4. Oh, by the way Brooke Burke: Did you wake up in your garage? Sounds like it. Good for you. You irk me in a way that I could never verbalize.


P.S. To the producers of "Dancing With The Stars"; please bring Samantha Harris back as co-host, STAT. It would help me forgive you for ruining the show with Brooke Burke AND with the prior season's cast in general.


P.P.S. Dear "Sketchers"; I never thought I'd say it, but suddenly the "Candies" ads with that trash Jennie McCarthy sitting on a toilet are far more appealing than your stupid ads with Brooke Burke.  By the way, those shoes are a scam that people playing with a full deck NEVER fell for. Just sayin'




-KC Jones

*Big Ran Note: WHen I first saw this post, I thought KC wrote "Twats on Twitter." That would also work.

This Must Have Been a Blast

Not that this would have fired up the Giants or anything.  Was there any doubt this revenge tour would include The New York Football Giants?

This is going to be a wildly brutal two weeks of lead up to this game.

Dead Man Walking

As much as I thought I may need CPR at the end of the Pats game yesterday and as happy as I was that they won, I felt equally as bad for Billy Cundiff.  I mean did you see his face and body language as soon as he kicked that ball?  Did you see the reactions of his teammates?  When you have Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, and Ed Reed on your team, there is a 78% chance Cundiff was murdered in the locker room immediately after the game.  There is also a chance he was thrown off the team plane 35,000 feet over Delaware.  

-Big Ran

Breaking News From God....

*Disclaimer: As with all of our posts, this is meant to be funny, and not offensive to any of our loyal readers who MAY have done what I am calling attention to below...and I'm not speaking of anyone specific as I saw at least 12 of these posts on my FB page within 10 minutes of the Patriots winning today (might be more tonight, but I haven't noticed)*

Ok, so I am a rabid NBA fan, and I become insane and irrational when I really get into the games. So, with that being said, I can understand the break from reality that occurs when your team wins. I cannot, however, understand the plethora of Facebook posts, texts, and other forms of communication, trying to insinuate or point blank say that the Patriots won today because God allowed Robert Kraft's late wife to pull some strings in Heaven. I HOPE that people are just joking with these posts, and I bet some people are, but others, I'm not so sure about.

God has a lot of things going on right now; people have cancer, people are struggling (emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually), there are wars, poverty, and illness in the world. While God may have given individuals certain gifts athletically speaking, I'm sure He could care less about the outcome of ANY sporting event. 

Plus, if He REALLY cared, Tebow and the Broncos would be heading to The Superbowl AND to Disneyworld.  Just sayin'....get it together people!

P.S. How did I miss the fact (until Big Ran posted about Tebow and Katy Perry) that Tebow is a virgin? Good for him, seriously. Good for him.

-KC Jones

Newt /Schrute 2012?

Just a quick post. My boss sent me this image the other day, and every time I look at it, I laugh harder.

Newt Gingrich & Dwight Schrute

Seriously, this should probably be a lunchtime look-a-like, but I already have one scheduled for tomorrow...plus, I needed to put this in a category of its own.

Am I the only person who thinks that the creators of "The Office" might have based Schrute off of Newt? The looks, the personality (or lack thereof), the ridiculous beliefs and proposals?

Seriously though, I'd vote for Dwight and his beet farm before I'd ever vote for Newt. Actually, maybe they should combine forces. For the love of God, I pray this country isn't faced with Newt come November.


-KC Jones