LeBron James Does Not Care About Wait People...

If anyone needed yet another reason to despise Baby Bron Bron, here you go.....

http://www.sportsgrid.com/golf/lebron-james-tiger-woods-bad-tippers/

We’ve heard whispers for some time that LeBron James and Tiger Woods are notoriously bad tippers, and their respective rankings on the Miami New Times list of the ten worst celebrity tippers only seem to confirm it.
Woods ranked as the No. 1 worst celebrity tipper in the world, while James wasn’t far behind at No. 4. The allegations that Woods and James are far from the most generous tippers in the world seems even more curious when you consider that Woods made $105 million in 2010, while James made $43 million.

And with Woods’ financial situation apparently not being what it once was, I wouldn’t expect his tipping habits to improve anytime soon. As for James, maybe this is what Cleveland fans were referring to when they chanted Scottie Pippen‘s name at him last December.


Just a few things from KC Jones:

*This guy is just a douche, no 'ifs, ands, or buts' about it. Honestly, check out this link from TMZ as well. $10 on an $800 bill? Who does he think he is? I swear to God, if he ended up on the Celtics or the Spurs, I would automatically despise those teams as well. You know the saying, money can't buy class. And LeEgo is a prime example of that. What really boggles my mind is that a lot of these celebrities and athletes come from NOTHING, in the money sense, so you'd THINK they'd go out of their way to have more respect and consideration for the working class. They're such overpaid babies!

Side Note: As far as Tiger Woods is concerned, he is FAR more morally reprehensible than 'The Queen', and all I can say is he's probably also banging LeBron's mom now that Delonte is done with her! BURN! I smile every time I see that he's had a poor performance on the golf course and hope that Elin continues to take him for all he's worth. She should have jammed that golf club right up his a$$!

-KC Jones









*Big Ran Note:  I don't know, Tiger Woods seemed to give that Perkins waitress a pretty good tip.  You know, just the tip to see how it feels.

Irrational Rant...Kony 2012

My rant is not with the organization that put this together.  My rant is with the people that watch a YouTube video, then all of a sudden fancy themselves social activists by posting this on facebook or twitter.  Stop yelling at me!  Nobody supports child armies, abduction, abuse, or slavery.

A few things:

1.  Did you actually watch that entire video?  Probably not.  That video is a half hour long.  There's no way I'm watching a half hour video on YouTube.  If you send me a YouTube link, you get two, maybe three minutes.  That sh!t better be funny as hell or have puppies playing, one or the other.

2.  Do you actually know what country we're talking about?  I bet less than half actually do.  Uganda, bitches.

3.  Can you identify Uganda on a map?  99% chance they can't.  I can't and I'm f*cking dope.  I have multiple passports AND THEY'RE FULL OF VISAS AND STAMPS!!!!!!  I'M AN IMPORTANT PERSON!!!!!!!!!!

I just looked it up.  It's sandwiched between Kenya and whatever The Congo decides to call itself this week.

However, on the plus side, this has also spawned awesome pictures and captions floating around the interwebs, created by people with a similar sense of humor as mine - deranged and sarcastic.  Look, I know I'm a terrible person, so I'm glad there are others who can enjoy life like I do.

My personal favorite.

-Big Ran

Irrational Rant...Feel The Burn

There are few things that infuriate me more than people acting like tools at the gym. My new gym is actually a really nice place, with far fewer of these people (it's true, you get what you pay for--and fortunately, my health insurance reimburses me enough to allow me to have a membership to a better gym now), but there will always be a couple tools that escaped from the box and landed at the gym.

This rant concerns grown men behaving badly at the gym. Specifically, grunting and making other noises, throwing weights down when finished so the floor shakes and trying to 'cut in' on someone else who is using a machine in an efficient manner. This stuff happened so much more at the old clap trap I used to frequent, but it's still relevant as we've all seen it happen.

To The Men Behaving Badly:

Dude, seriously? If you're making THAT much noise, it's very clear that either the weights are too heavy OR that you're trying to get attention. Maybe even both! If the weight is too heavy, grunting will not help you at all. You know what will help? Reducing the total amount of what you're trying to lift. If you're trying to get attention, I hope you're happy with it being negative attention in the form of dirty looks and people exchanging awkward glances in relation to you.


Um, are you attempting to fool the people around you into thinking there's an earthquake or tremor going on? Oh, you're not? Then why are you throwing the weights down so carelessly, making the ground shake? Ah, never mind, I get it, again, trying to call attention to how massive you are(n't).


Remember kindergarten? Specifically the part about taking turns and waiting for your turn? Very important lessons that translate very well into proper gym etiquette. If I am on a machine, and taking a quick rest between reps, there is NO need for you to ask to 'just jump in quick'. I have the machine set to my specifications and I'll be finishing before you use it. Don't ask, because you're not going to get a good reaction from me. I'm not a bitch, I'm just all set with neanderthals who don't 'get it'. It takes me no more than 5 minutes on any one machine. You can wait. I'm not like you, wandering around, checking myself out, and then going back to the machine 15 minutes later. Squatters rights. Look them up!


Finally, I know that for you, going to the gym is all about staring at yourself in the mirror and flexing, taking 17 hours to finish one set, and checking out the females (who are all getting protective orders as soon as they vacate the building). I know that you have never done cardio a day in your life and therefore aren't breaking the same sweat that many of the normal people at the gym are breaking. However, this little fact does not absolve you from having to wipe the machines and benches down when you're done just like everyone else has to. Judging by the intensity of your grunts and moans, you're clearly overexerting yourself and I'm sure sweating. Please clean up after yourself.


Thank you,


KC Jones

Irrational Rant...Crossing Guards

CALM. THE. F*CK. DOWN.  You're not a police officer, you're not doctor, you're not Mother Teresa.  You are one step up from holding a "Will work for food" sign at the same intersection you currently work for two hours a day with a six hour break in between shifts.

I am all for a crossing guard stopping traffic for kids on their way to or from school; no doubt about that.  There are far too many dick weeds behind the wheel to trust them to stop for kids.  I am also totally fine with holding up traffic for parents with kids to and from school.  I am still somewhat OK (not as much) with holding up traffic for buses leaving a school without students on them.  Fine. Whatever.

You know what I am not OK with?  The dumbass crossing guard jumping in to stop traffic for adults without kids.  Calm down hero, I think an adult without children is capable of crossing the street all on their own.  Ugh.  That f*cking bright ass highlighter yellow jacket and gloves, practically jumping on my hood because some dude without kids is approaching the corner and is thinking about crossing the street.

Also, don't f*cking think you're a cop on a detail and start directing traffic when there is clearly no need to do so.  How about you just finish you hour of f*cking work in the morning, head on down to the apartment in your mother's basement, take a nap, eat some Slim Jims, hop on some internet chat rooms, then head on back for hour two of work for the day.  Don't forget your cape, you f*cking superhero. 

-Big Ran   

KC Jones Note: Is that a woman or a man in the picture Big Ran? I can't tell. Kind of looks like Milton from Office Space.

Irrational Rant....What's My Name?

This rant has been building for a while now and it was sparked this morning after seeing several more instances of insanity in regards to 'the name game'. Today I'd like to rant about stupid parents naming their children even stupider names because they think they are awesome and cool (the parents think this about themselves, not about the names). I'm all about being original and unique, but it just gets to the point where I want to go up to these people (mainly broads as we all know they are the driving force because they can play the, 'I pushed the child from my uterus card), and punch them in the ovaries, thus preventing any future naming nonsense.



Because I'm not sure who reads our blog, I won't get into specific cases involving people I know. I will however use dumb ass celebrities to provide support for my rant.

1. Beyonce & Jay-Z: "Blue Ivy Carter"- Really? Seriously. This doesn't even make sense because ivy is green. ANYWAY.

2. Gwyneth Paltrow:  A daughter named "Apple". This immediately enraged me as I despise Gwyneth to begin with. On a positive note, naming their daughter "Apple" made the subsequent naming of their son "Moses" seem completely normal.

3. Michael Jackson: A son named "Prince Michael II". And, as outrageous as this is, the fact that he goes by the nickname "Blanket", really burns my ass.

Oh Blanket!

4. Jermaine Jackson: Keeping it in the family, another Jackson sibling who lost his damn mind. Dude has a son named "Jermajesty", no joke. I found this out quite some time ago and haven't been the same since. Given that it's the Jackson family, I should not be surprised (Tito? La Toya? the apples don't fall far from the tree).

5. Toni Braxton: Named her son "Denim", seriously. Now, I don't know if this was a passive aggressive move after having to deal with being a female named "Toni", but still, it's not fair to take that out on the kid. Side note, her other son's name is Diezel, which is awful but in an awesome way. That one doesn't make me quite as angry.

6.  Jonathan Davis (Korn's frontman): A son named PIRATE. If I were a teacher, I would not allow this child to be in my class. Period. I guess it's not a huge surprise since the standards are pretty low if you're the lead singer of Korn AND married to a porn star.

7. Erykah Badu & Andre Benjamin (Outkast): A son named SEVEN. Ok, first of all, was this a nod to the Seinfeld episode where George was trying to call 'dibs' on that name? Secondly, really? I mean, it's not even like this was her 7th child and she got tired of trying to come up with names. She also has another terribly named child, "Mars", with another baby daddy, leading me to believe that it's her fault, not Andre's! She needs to have her head examined anyway.

8. Any name selected by Frank Zappa. Please see article for details. Terrible. Just terrible.

KC Jones' Baby Naming Rules:

1. Keep in mind that this perfect little baby will grow up and have to deal with your potentially disastrous name choice. If it is that devastating to them, they might get into drugs, booze, and sex at a young age. They could then become pregnant and continue the  vicious cycle of unacceptable baby naming.

2. If you are so hung up on a ridiculous name, perhaps you should legally change your own to that and name the innocent baby something normal.

3. If you pick a stupid name, remember something; you're not 'trendy', 'unique', or 'cutting edge' anymore. Everyone is doing it now. It's a shit show of epic proportions.

4. No naming human beings after numbers, fruits (or other foods), fossil fuels, fabrics or modes of transportation. These are general categories, and this list is not meant to be all inclusive.

5. If you have had a child and already named them something awful, please make an appointment to be spayed and/or neutered to avoid it happening again.

-KC Jones

Stuck In My Head

I first heard this song on the new Internet Explorer 9 commercials.  Pretty dope jam.

Who's got the ecstasy and roofies?  I'm looking at you, Adam Levine.

-Big Ran

Lunchtime Look-a-Like

So, if you tuned into the Celtics-Lakers game yesterday, you may have seen New England hero, baby daddy extraordinaire, Tom Brady, rocking glasses.  I am assuming they are for fashion only, but it could explain his less than stellar Super Bowl and pass that was juuuuuuust a bit off to Wes Welker.

Have we done a TB-Biebs look-a-like before?  I'm not sure, I'm to lazy to look.  I do have two questions though:

1.  Is it a good thing if your All Pro QB is following the fashion trends of a teenage pop star?

2.  Is it possible that Biebs is TB's first kid?  TB is 34, Biebs is 18.  So you're saying there's a chance...

I can't find video of it yet, but how bout TB bro-ing it up with Kobe at the game?  Just shaking hands like they are going to hang out later on that night.  Dude, come on, would it kill you to show a little support for the Boston team, and tell Kobe to go back to Eagle, CO?

-Big Ran

El Sesenta por Ciento de las Veces Funciona Todo el Tiempo

On the ride into work this morning, I was listening to the Will Ferrell interview on the Sports Hub with Toucher and Rich.  This was the first time I had heard about his new movie, "Casa de mi Padre,"  which is all in Spanish with English subtitles.  Because of that, it won't be a big hit at the box office, but this has to prove to be an awesome movie to rent and watch with buddies, right?  That could be tough too, since most people will be reading the movie, but probably still awesome.  Anyway, this movie will probably be pure insanity and weirdness for an hour and a half.  I guarantee you that my high school Spanish teachers would play this in class just to avoid having to speak with us or do actual work.  I didn't go to a very good high school.

I really think you could watch "Anchorman" or "Step Brothers" in Spanish and they would still be awesome.

El sesenta por ciento de las veces funciona todo el tiempo.



-Big Ran

I Need to Write Things Down

I don't necessarily mean on toilet paper, like this epic scene from Lethal Weapon 2, but maybe like the old Norm MacDonald, "note to self" on a voice recorder.  However, I always come up with the most awesome, funny, world shaking ideas when I have had a couple of drinks, hop online to start doing research for the blog, but then get side tracked and never remember them.

Let's take this past Friday.  I get home and as planned, my wife is out with work friends, so I start drinking whiskey, grill some steaks, and watch college hoops.  About three hours later, I am pretty drunk and my wife calls me to meet them out at a bar.  Cool, but there is no way I can drive.  None.  Also, strangely, there is a snow squall going on.  So, I make a great decision, and walk to the bar, knowing we'll be able to get a ride back.

Now, remember, I'm pretty hammered and probably staggering a bit down the streets in the snow.  The snow flakes are huge, so at one point I am trying to catch flakes in my mouth (and failing), when I see that someone is about a half a block up and they definitely crossed the street because they thought I was a crazy person.

I'm going off on a tangent here, because what I wanted to talk about needing to write things down.  When I woke up on Saturday, I get back on the laptop, see the tabs I had open on my browser and have no idea what I was looking at.  I had that Lethal Weapon parody up, which is awesome, but I have no idea why I was looking for the toilet bomb scene.  However, it was probably going to be awesome.

Ugh.  I should probably sprinkle some Adderall or Ritalin in my booze.

-Big Ran 

Stuck In My Head

Why?  I have no idea.  How is this song stuck in my head?  Also, there was the fact that instead of the actual lyrics, I was singing "Bermuda, Bahamas, come on pretty mama, Hipolito Pichardo, come on why don't we go..."

You know who Hipolito Pichardo is?  A pretty crappy major league pitcher for the Royals and Red Sox in the early 90s to early 2000s.  However, he has a dope name.

How about John Stamos in that video?  Dude, sweet hat and nice job wearing a Beach Boys t-shirt while on stage with them.  I thought it was an unwritten rule that you shouldn't wear a t-shirt of the band you were seeing at a concert.  If that's the case, what's the rule for performing on stage with them?  That's like me wearing a t-shirt with my picture and name on it to work.  Actually, that might be kind of awesome.

-Big Ran