Lunchtime Look-a-Like

Anne Hathaway

VS.

Carly Foulkes - aka T-Mobil Chick

Anne Hathaway vs. Carly Foulkes.  Go ahead and say it.  I NAILED this one.  I was thinking of a "Is This Person Good Looking" for Hathaway, but by the transitive property (or something like that) she must be.  I just get the impression that Anne Hathaway must be a huge pain in the ass.  I have no factual information to base that on, just a gut feeling.  I just bet she big-times everyone and has "Do you know who I am?" running through her head at all times.  I could be totally wrong.  I could say I hope I am wrong, but I honestly don't care at all.  I have a wild guess that Anne Hathaway will never effect my life in any meaningful way.

-Big Ran

PS:  Shouldn't people that have agents and/or publicists know this should never happen?  This made me want to hurt myself:

Stuck In My Head

I think as I get busier and more stressed at work the stranger the songs stuck in my head get.  Why on earth would this be in my head at 5:20 AM when my dog wakes me up to go out?  That's tough to come back from.

I don't think I have heard this song all the way through since freshman year of college when, for some inexplicable reason, it was popular and played at every bar towards the end of the night.

WTF is Tubthumping?

-Big Ran

The Go and F*ck Yourself Red Sox Report

Just when you think the Sox can't sink any lower or lose in a more frustrating way, they snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.  Last night was it for me.  I'm f*cking done.  Hide yo kids and hide yo wife.

Let's tackle the current team and events first.  Is there anyone on this team who has any balls?  Where's the person that stands up and takes charge of this mother f*cker?  theo seems to love assembling a team of proficient baseball players who have little to no personality.  Congratulations.  When sh!t hits the fan, you need some dudes that will take the team on their back.  Was Kevin Millar a good player?  No.  But guess what...nothing fazed him.  Down 3-0 to the Yanks in '04, he talking trash before game four about how the Yanks better sweep them or watch out.

Let's go around the f*cking diamond, shall we?  Varitek is technically the captain, but he's a glorified backup now.  Salty is in his first year with the Sox, so he's not there yet.

Adrian Gonzalez is a phenomenal player, but isn't playoff tested.  He doesn't have a personality and I'm not sure if he has the plums to conquer adversity yet. 

Pedroia may be the only guy with the right combo of having enough of a chip on his shoulder, personality, and ability.  Say hello to your next captain.

Scutaro is a solid player, but a lame duck, just as every Sox SS has been since Nomar stopped taking roids.

Youkilis is another good player with some guts.  I don't get the impression anyone likes him though.  I'll take him on my team, but he won't rally the clubhouse.

Crawford.  Good Lord.  Not playing both ends of a double header in a pennant race because of a stiff neck? Not a good look, dude.  Also not a good look?  Getting paid $20M per and sucking all year long.  Wait till next year for him because this one is a lost cause.

Ellsbury is having an awesome year, but again doesn't seem like he has it in him to rally the troops.  What are you gonna do?

Right field is just a mess.  J.D. Drew has a foot and a half out the door, just dreaming about cashing in his chips and retiring to rural Georgia.  He has to be the most frustrating player in recent memory.  Plenty of talent, no heart.  Reddick is scary in the field.  He may be OK, but he's not ready yet.

Beckett is a high maintenance pain in the ass.  On the DL all the time, and everything needs to be perfect for him to make a start.  He is typically money in the playoffs, I'll give him that, but to need a personal catcher at this point of his career is somewhat pathetic.  I need good seasons out of him more than once every three years.  At least he can give a good press conference:

I keep waiting for Lester to get to that next level and be an ace.  Maybe he's not an ace.  have we thought about that?  The dude battled back from cancer to be a great pitcher, so I would love to see him put the team on his back, but he hasn't proven to be a stopper yet.

John Lackey, you are literally, the worst starter in MLB and the worst starter in Red Sox history.  Congratu-f*cking-lations.  On top of all of that, you're ugly and a total dickhead.

The bullpen - Bard and Pap.  Bard was NASTY...until he just lost it all in crunch time.  He hasn't proven to be able to handle the pressure.  Bard is not the answer to the Sox closer question for next season and probably made Papelbon many, many millions of dollars this year.  Pap has been very good all year, so this isn't on him.

Tito, please stop starting Kyle Weiland and give Aceves a shot.  Maybe even take a bat to the clubhouse and break some sh!t.

The front office needs to get their sh!t together too.  How about we sign some free agents that can play in Boston?  How about that?  The last two off seasons they have thrown approximately $380M at three players; Lackey, Gonzalez (plus three top prospects to get from from San Diego), and Crawford.  If they had actually offered Jason Bay, who was a perfect fit for Fenway, to a four year/$60M deal, they could have sign Texiera and probably get Cliff Lee.  I even think if they go the extra mile for Texiera, they could have had Matt Holliday and Cliff Lee.  I'll take my chances with Texiera, Holliday, and Lee, plus the three prospects they sent to San Diego.

Ugh.  Thanks for letting me vent.  This was probably more for me than any of our readers.



-Big Ran

PS:  F*ck Sweet Caroline.

Iron Mike Continues to Shine

 I wish there was some way I could incorporate "wombshifter" into everyday conversation, but I don't see how this could happen.  Based on this interview and his performance on the Charlie Sheen Roast last night, I think Mike is making a push to become the go to for philosophical debates or reflections on current events.

I mean, Iron Mike has made a major turnaround. From the Hangover, to political commentary, to poetry. That face tattoo is still distracting as sh!t though. No matter how many times I see it, I never get use to it.

 

The more I think about it, Sarah Palin should have, 100%, chosen Glen Rice.  Everything may have worked out better for both of them.  She could be a news reporter, Glen, would still be a retired NBA player, they would probably still have a son playing starting at guard for Georgia Tech (based on both of their athletic abilities), Palin wouldn't be exposed to be dumb as rocks, would probably actually have traveled outside the US, wouldn't have a a grandson who's father's name is Levi, and Glen would have married his true love and not have to watch his ex-wife on "Real Housewives of Miami," and most importantly, she wouldn't be married to a snow mobile racer or whatever her husband is right now.  Win-win all around.

-Big Ran

Too Good to Pass Up

I'll cut to the chase a bit here.  Last week reports surfaced that Sarah Palin boned Glen Rice (most random pairing ever?).

"In the book, which will be published on September 20^th, McGinniss claims Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud GLEN RICE less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd.

Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.

A publishing source told The ENQUIRER that McGinniss claims Sarah had a “fetish” for black men at the time and he quotes a friend as saying Sarah had “hauled (Rice’s) ass down.”

A source unrelated to the book told The ENQUIRER, Todd was very much in the picture at the time and the couple married just nine months later.

In the book, McGinniss quotes Rice as confirming the one-night stand."

Now, there are the excerpts from the book that I think comes out today:

"After her graduation, Sarah returned to Alaska and worked on the sports desk of Anchorage television station KTUU. On weekends, she'd sometimes appear on camera, delivering sports reports during the 10:00 PM newscast.

Her attitude toward people of color was evolving. In Anchorage, she even dated black men. A friend says, "Sarah and her sisters had a fetish for black guys for a while."

Each year, over Thanksgiving weekend, the University of Alaska hosted a basketball tournament called the Great Alaska Shootout, featuring some of the country's best teams. In 1987, one of the top squads to visit Anchorage was the University of Michigan, led by six-foot-eight junior Glen Rice, number 41.

Rice would lead Michigan to the NCAA Championship in 1989, appearing on the cover ofSports Illustrated and setting a scoring record for the NCAA tournament that stands today. After graduating from Michigan as the school's all-time leading scorer, he starred in the NBA for fifteen years.

Whether in her professional capacity as a sports reporter or simply as a basketball groupie who'd begun to find black men attractive, Sarah linked up with the Rice during the weekend tournament. One friend recalls, "They went out. I suspect it was more than that. I can't say I know they had sex, but I remember Sarah feeling pretty good that she'd been with a black basketball star."

In one version of the story, Sarah's encounter with Rice took place in her sister Molly's dorm room at the University of Alaska Anchorage. "She hauled his ass down," a friend says, "but she freaked out afterward. Hysterical, crying, totally flipped out. The thing that people remember is her freak-out, how completely crazy she got: I fucked a black man!She was just horrified. She couldn't believe she'd done it."

Glen Rice remembers the weekend quite differently. When I spoke to him by telephone in March 2011, he said, "I remember it as if it was yesterday. She was a sweetheart. I met her almost as soon as we got out there."

Rice does not recall being in a university dorm room. "We hung out mostly at the hotel where the team was staying," he told me. "We just hit off. In a short time, we got to know a lot about one another. It was all done in a respectful way, nothing hurried."

"So you never had the feeling she felt bad about having sex with a black guy?" I asked.

"No, no, no, nothing like that," Rice said. "Even after I left Alaska, we talked a lot on the phone. I think right up until the time she got married. She was a gorgeous woman. Super nice. I was blown away by her. Afterward, she was a big crush that I had. I talked about her for a long time. Only good things. She was a well-rounded young lady. It's amazing the way that's stayed with me. I think the utmost of her and I felt that way from the start."

I can honestly say that if you told me Sarah Palin hooked up with a 15 year NBA player who ended up carrying a major torch for her, I don't think Glen Rice would have ever crossed my mind.  Responses to this and more insanity will continue in the next post.

-Big Ran

PS:  I wish I could have bought stock in Aqua Net in the early 80s.  I could have retired by the time I was 11 and bought all the Reebok Pumps I wanted.


PPS:  Initially, there were just reports that Glen Rice confirmed the story and I was thinking, "Of course he friggin' confirmed that story.  Who wouldn't?"  I would confirm any rumor like that because there is at least some chance I could profit from it.  However, seeing those Rice quotes, he was just plain out in love with Palin.  Imagine if Sarah Palin married Glen Rice and became a news reporter?  Wow.  I kind of just blew my mind there.  Maybe she would have been the one asking people what newspapers they read instead of being the one who looked borderline illiterate.

I have a vast variety of sources too.  Friggin' awesome line.  God, I hope she runs for President, Palin is comedy gold.

Stuck in My Head

This song will get stuck in your head for weeks if you hear it.  I like this jam, but man, every station has this going 24-7.  On the plus side, it always makes me think of Reebok Pumps.  How awesome were those when they came out?  Remember when Dee Brown pumped it up, then did the eye-covered dunk in the NBA Dunk Contest?  Definitely the highlight of 6th grade.



How about Shawn Kemp 50 pounds and 8 kids lighter?  I LOVE OLD SCHOOL NBA HIGHLIGHTS!

-Big Ran

PS:  What's up with the guitar player of that band being good looking?  I like my rock stars ugly and riddled with drugs, not looking like they stepped out of a JCrew catalog.  The last thing rock stars need is even more and easier access to chicks. 

Two weeks is WAY too long not to post, and honestly, I've felt guilty.  It's a shame my job is standing in the way of screwing off at work.  Anyway, I need to catch up on a few things that have happened in the last couple of weeks, so even if they are old news, they have to be covered.

-Big Ran

Irrational Rant...Tommy Boy

I truly can't take it anymore. As you all know from prior posts, Tom Brady just gets on my last nerve (truthfully, with my personality, that's not hard to do, BUT still....).and has ever since he began canoodling with now wife Gisele. He's lost all of his manhood & the Pats haven't won a Superbowl since that whole match made in heaven began. So, I shouldn't be surprised that he has renewed his contract/association with "UGGSs" boots (which, in the United States, are for teenage girls and trendy women). I'm not surprised, but I am just infuriated. Dude, how about becoming a spokesperson for something that "XY" chromosomes are actually into?

I started to do a little research last night, and I've come to the conclusion that his current behavior (acting like a girl) shouldn't be that much of a surprise, especially in light of some of the earlier ads/pictures I've found. Note that they were well before Gisele. So, she can be blamed for his worsening condition, his flowing locks, and his Tommy Hollywood persona, but apparently the tendencies were there all along, just waiting to be released!

Exhibit A: Now, I know this ad campaign was for charity (can't remember, but I think AIDS or cancer), and it's really great that he was involved. I can never fault him as far as his charitable contributions are concerned. However, I totally CAN fault this picture. Nice sleeveless, collared dressy shirt AND, even better---nice placement of the bandanna. Those jeans are even walking a fine line between light blue & possible stone washed. Even if he wasn't responsible for the idea, he was/is responsible for allowing it to happen. I mean, as everyone who loves and defends him says, 'He's Tom Brady, he can do whatever he wants"...WELL, case in point---he did whatever he wanted in this ad. And apparently, his desire was to look a little light in his cleats.

Exhibit B: Ok, so I don't even know what this was for, but I know that it's dead wrong. Again, his feminine qualities are shining through. And it's not because he's cuddling with a baby goat while giving the camera bedroom eyes.....oh wait, that's exactly why. I had never seen this pic before, and quite honestly, it may be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I can see they are trying to make him appear 'manly' by adding a couple of spots of 'dirt' (probably really mascara smeared about), but it's NOT working. And, the gloves? Those are probably to protect his freshly manicured, well groomed hands.

Exhibit C: So, after he didn't get one of the lead roles in "Brokeback Mountain", he agreed to sign on as the spokes'man' for Stetson cologne. Stetson? Really? Come on dude! How about something good that isn't sold at CVS or worn by people's fathers and/or grandfathers. Again, he's doing NOTHING to help his cause here. Thankfully, I don't care about football (I mean, I'm happy for the Patriots when they win, but I have no vested interest), so I don't have to feel disappointed and/or embarrassed by Tommy Boy's choices. However, because I'm a red-blooded American woman, I still find myself very turned off by these things.

 Exhibit D: It's all over folks, the full transformation has taken place. He's married and controlled by Gisele, he's fully Hollywood, the team no longer produces the way they are capable of (note, they are producing, and they are still a league leader, but they keep falling short when it matters the most), and Tommy Bundchen, oops, I mean, Brady, has long, flowing tresses & an UGGs spokesman contract now.


Tommy, you still have a chance to redeem yourself as a man (not as a player, the talent is and has always been there and additionally has been backed up with Superbowls, etc), so please, take a look at things and re-evaluate before it's too late. The clock is ticking.....

Ummmm.....

 

 

-KC Jones

Dear Delonte....

The NBA Lockout is obviously a very sore subject for me as the only THING I can say that I truly love is NBA Basketball. From the time the season officially ends in June until televised preseason games begin at the beginning of October, I feel like a part of my soul is missing. Usually, I have a bunch of games DVR'd to help get me through the off season, however, thanks to Charter Communications' upgrade this summer, my cache was wiped out. So I sit here anxiously awaiting some news...any news, on when this ridiculousness will be over.

Apparently, I'm not the only one stressed about the situation. A couple of weeks ago, Celtics guard and one of our faves here at "The Takeover" tweeted about the hardships he was facing in light of the lockout. Who you ask? Well, the answer shouldn't suprise you---it was none other than Le-Ego's potential stepfather, Delonte West. I swear to God I'm not making this up. Here is the ESPN article for proof:

Delonte West to Home Depot?

Although he's made over $14 million in the NBA, Delonte West tweeted recently that he is "broke" and has applied for a job at Home Depot.


"It's official.. Pride 2 the side.. just filled out a application at Home Depot.. Lockout aint a game," the Celtics guard tweeted.


West is on probation for a weapons charge and also tweeted that he wasn't allowed to pursue basketball opportunities overseas.


"Can't even get that over seas money," he tweeted. "Judge said it's a no go on leaving the country."


West has battled bipolar disorder during his career and also posted this to Twitter: "Broke down in the ATM line.. 25 cars behind me and I already reached my daily limit... I'm broke n my cars broke.. Where's my therapist???"


Appearing in only 24 games this past season, the 27-year-old West averaged 5.6 points in his second stint with the Celtics.


I'm so sorry Delonte. While some of your buddies are heading overseas to play, you can't leave the country due to some crazy extra curricular activities---and on top of that, your car AND bank account are broke! And, not to rub salt in the wound, but this is all on top of a failed relationship with Gloria James! Well Delonte, they say that bad things tend to happen in threes. Maybe that means it's time for your luck to change! Regardless, good for you for applying at the Depot! A job is a job after all, and you can bet your ass I'll be showing up there weekly if you get it! You'll probably even get a bonus for all of the extra business you'll be bringing into the store! But even if you don't get it, I see another opportunity for you after watching the clip below. Hey, if Ron Artest is on the new roster for Dancing With The Stars, having no experience, and despite his troubled past, I see NO reason why you wouldn't be welcomed with open arms. By the way, notice around the one minute, ten second mark--you seriously look like a little leprechaun doing an Irish jig! And, if DWTS isn't something  you'd like to pursue, maybe you and Big Baby could take your show on the road!




Bottom line is this: When it rains it pours D-West...just remember, in the immortal words of Tupac, Keep Ya Head up!

-KC Jones

Can't Tell Me Nothin'...**

So, I've been watching the news over the past few days & keeping up with Tropical Storm 'Lee' which has been bearing down on New Orleans. So, besides the obvious question of 'Why, after the complete devastation, death, and destruction of Hurricane Katrina, did people stay there and rebuild, thinking it would yield different results?'* (see note at the end for clarification), I started wondering WWKD if there is another bad situation down there. Yup! WWKD--What Will Kanye Do? I mean, in the aftermath of Katrina, he completely figured George W. out, and much to the dismay of Mike Myers, he shared his discovery on national television:



So, if now or in the near future there's another natural disaster in the Gulf Region, is everyone's favorite rapper going to declare that President Barack Obama also does not care about black people? I really hope he comes out with something like that---after all, Barack is half white, so be may be a racist just like G.W.B.... Plus, there is already bad blood between Kanye & Barack ever since he upstaged Taylor Swift during the VMAS....


And truthfully, there is NOTHING Kanye could say or do that would amaze me. But again, I suppose he's just 'misunderstood' and we should all be more accepting of him. Obviously his comments about Bush take the cake, but here other ridiculous rants & crazy comments by Kanye:










And, besides Barack Obama's comments, here are two of my other favorite celebrity reactions to his Taylor Swift VMA shenanigans:


*My money's on 50 here and always....


*Snoop is unreal....and I think he'd be just the one to administer the kick in the ass...

*(yes, I know it is a beautiful place and home to many people, but I just couldn't imagine rebuilding THERE after I lost everything and ran a pretty high risk of losing everything again at some point in the future seeing as though it is below sea level)

**The title of this post is a nod to one of Kanye's song titles....I'm so sharp!

-KC Jones