Dancing With the Mutha F*ckin' Stars

Originally inspired by KC's DWTS primer then even further motivated because what I wrote was so friggin' awesome, here is my instant reaction to the season 14 cast (alphabetically).  Just like last time, no research, just straight from the dome...

1.  Gavin DeGraw, Musician - all I know about him is his infectious jam "I Don't Want to Be" that was the theme song for One Tree Hill.  Yes, I watched that show for like 5 seasons with my wife.  Don't judge me.  Actually, go ahead and judge me, I deserve it.  He must have a sesne of rhythm, but can he shake it?  My guess will be middle of the pack.

2.  Donald Driver, Wide Receiver, Green Bay Packers - I had him on my fantasy football team for like three years in a row.  Always a solid receiver, older vet, he is dieseled, and always seemed like a really good dude in interviews.  Can he move?  I say yes...In the mix to take home that ugly-ass trophy.



3.  Roshon Fegan, Disney Star - Holy Sh!t...We are all dumber for having watched the following video.



4.  Melissa GIlbert, Actress - OK, I know I said no research, but you HAVE to read this from her Wikipedia page:

Nip slip?  Daddy like.

At 17, she reconnected with then little-known actor Rob Lowe, also 17. They had met briefly when they were about 14. In 1981, Melissa, in her convertible, saw Lowe stopped next to her at a red light. Gilbert dated Lowe on-and-off for six years. During this time, both had affairs with other famous people. Melissa dated Tom Cruise, John Cusack, Scott Baio, and Billy Idol. After Lowe's failed romance with Princess Stéphanie, he suddenly proposed to Gilbert. While making wedding plans, Gilbert found out she was pregnant. Upon being informed of the pregnancy, Lowe ended their relationship. Gilbert miscarried days later.

Heart-broken, Gilbert left for New York City to star in the play A Shayna Maidel. Gilbert was set up with actor Bo Brinkman, a cousin of actors Randy Quaid and Dennis Quaid. The couple married on February 22, 1988, only seven weeks after she ended her relationship with Rob Lowe. Gilbert became pregnant months later. US Magazine featured a very pregnant Gilbert wrapped in a sheer sheet and named her one of "America's Ten Most Beautiful Women" in 1988. On May 1, 1989, she gave birth to Dakota Paul Brinkman. After Dakota's birth, the couple began to have marital problems and divorced in 1992.

Only weeks after Gilbert's divorce filing, Bruce Boxleitner's ex-wife (Kathryn Holcomb) set Bruce up with Gilbert. Holcomb by then was married to actor Ian Ogilvy. Gilbert had met Boxleitner as a teenager when they both were on Battle of the Network Stars when Gilbert introduced herself, as she had a pin-up of him in her locker. But Boxleitner ignored her, as she was a teen and he was many years older than she was. After re-connecting, the couple started dating on-and-off for over a year. They were engaged twice and Boxleitner broke up with her each time. After re-uniting for a third time, they finally married on January 1, 1995 in her mother's living room. Gilbert quickly became pregnant, but went into premature labor more than two months before her due date. She gave birth to a son, Michael Garrett Boxleitner, named in honor of Michael Landon, on October 6, 1995. His middle name is in honor of Garret Peckinpah, her friend Sandy Peckinpah's son, who had died suddenly of meningitis at age 16.

Gilbert is also stepmother to Boxleitner's two sons with Holcomb, Sam (b. 1980) and Lee (b. 1985).

She has battled alcoholism and drug abuse, which she wrote about in her 2009 autobiography.

On July 22, 2010, Gilbert underwent surgery to replace a disc as well as fuse a vertebra in her lower spine. The surgery was described as a complete success. While playing the role of Caroline "Ma" Ingalls in the touring musical Little House on the Prairie, a visit to the doctor revealed that she had been working with a broken back for months.

On March 1, 2011, Gilbert announced that she and Boxleitner had separated. On August 22, 2011, Gilbert filed for divorce from Boxleitner.

If someone made that up, they are a genius and I need them to write me a Lifetime movie ASAP.  Awesome.  She's also an iron-clad guarantee to bang her dance partner, right?

5.  Katherine Jenkins, Opera Singer - I had to look this up because I had no idea who she was.  Well, she's an opera singer from Wales.  That's what Welsh opera singers look like?  Huh.  See you guys later.

6.  Gladys Knight, Singer/Musical Legend - she has to be the biggest all time star on this list.  I'm guessing she'll stick around a couple of weeks, but, she may a bit long in the tooth to really get down.

7.  William Levy, Actor on Univision or something - This one's for the ladies (or dudes who like dudes).

8.  Maria Menounos, Entertainment TV Host - also could have put attention-seeking, fraudulent Boston sports fan.  She really irritates the hell out of me for some reason, but hey, she looks good.  Dude, her and the female host of DWTS are probably going to HATE each other because they basically do the same exact thing.

9.  Martina Navratilova, Tennis Hall of Famer - again, she may be someone a bit old to really get down and challenge for the trophy, but she was one of the best tennis players in history, so she may have something up her sleeve.

10.  Sherri Shepherd, The View - Check out these before and afters:

Is that really the same person?  I don't know what's real anymore.  Leap Day is totally f*cking with me.

11.  Jack Wagner, Actor - This guy is in soap operas.  Oh, and he also did this...

12.  Jaleel White, Actor (?) - we all know him as Urkle and this dude is my dark horse pick to win it all.  Peep his moves:



-Big Ran

I'll Take Teenage Exorcisms for $300, Alex

Daily Mail - Most teenagers are proud to go into the family business, be it working the store that's been around for generations or taking over a law practise.

But Rev Bob Larson's teenage girls have gone into a more peculiar trade - expelling demons from those possessed. 

The reverend, who himself has claimed to have exorcised more than 15,000 demons, says he passed down his knowledge to his three teenage daughters and showed them the extraordinary process of liaising with demonic influences and ridding them from a human body.

Reverend Bob Larson of Freedom Churches International told Anderson Cooper on his talk show Anderson that he’s brought his daughters into the family trade.

Brynne got involved in exorcism at age 13. ‘I got up on stage in front of 3,000 people and cast a demon out in Africa. I knew what was going on,’ she said on an episode of Anderson set to air tomorrow.

‘(My father) really walked me through and helped me with it,’ she says.

Tess, 17, says her first exorcism was on a friend of hers. She said that one of the tell-tale signs is eyes that dilate ‘You can see evil.’

Cooper questions what a typical exorcism would cost. ‘Our teams charge absolutely nothing,’ Rev Larson tells him. ‘The teen girls don’t charge.’

However, when pressed by Cooper how much the reverend himself charges, Rev Larson wouldn’t give a straight response, saying it was contingent on several factors, including amount of travel involved and the difficulty of the exorcism.

‘You charge about $400 to $500 per exorcism,’ Cooper states. 

‘It could be as much as that,’ Rev Larson said. 

He also charges $10 for a quiz that supposedly reveals whether or not its taker is possessed, and has published more than 30 books.

The self-proclaimed occult expert made an appearance on Sci-Fi’s The Real Exorcist and has a lucrative business of selling his books, DVDs, and the Cross of Deliverance – which is used in all of their exorcisms to cast out demons.

Cooper seems sceptical throughout the entire interview, complimenting Rev Larson on his daughter’s seemingly groomed answers.

‘Something about this, I just don’t buy. It’s my job to be sceptical. You three seem coached and you don’t seem like you’re talking like real people.’

In a recent interview with Fabulous magazine, Savannah said: 'I think Harry Potter and the Twilight films are instigators of evil.'

She says she doesn't have time for such things because 'I'm much too busy fighting the devil.'

OK, color me skeptical, but I don't think we have a lot of true "exorcisms" going on, unless the definition for "exorcism" is teenage prostitution ring.  AMIRIGHT?!?!?!?!?!

Can't you picture Cletus from down the street, calling up the good Reverend from his trailer, saying, "Oh, hey, Reverend.  Listen, I think I have a demon in my pants again.  Do you think you could send your daughters over to release it for me?"

Notice how the daughters don't charge for the "exorcism?" That's brilliant.  The pimp Reverend just goes and picks up the money later.  That is such a great move.  It's like when you go to buy crack, right?  You drive up, tell one guy what you want, give him the money, then he directs you where to pick it up.  No connection between the money and the product.

Get a load of these broads.  I mean, they speak so naturally that everything must be on the up and up.



Also, how about the good Reverend racking up 15,000 demons expelled?  He is literally the Wilt Chamberlain of exorcisms.  I also love the TV friendly price of $9.95 for the Demonic Posession Online Test, simply to cover administrative feels.  You know what?  There are administrative fees for running this blog, so if everyone could send me $9.95, that would be great.



Dude, where's the Asian chick come from?  Is that for dudes who have Yellow Fever AND a demonic possession?



I've got a demon in my pants and EVERYONE'S INVITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A TEENAGE DEMONIC POSSESSION PARTY, CAUSE A TEENAGE DEMONIC POSSESSION PARTY DON'T STOP!!!!!!!!

-Big Ran

One more...

Cletus:  Remember ladies, nobody get's paid unless the demon finishes and is "expelled" from my body, if you know what I mean.

PS:  In a recent interview with Fabulous magazine, Savannah said: 'I think Harry Potter and the Twilight films are instigators of evil.'


She says she doesn't have time for such things because 'I'm much too busy fighting the devil.'


Do you think I could have used this excuse to not have to see all the Harry Potter and Twilight movies?  "Sorry honey, I can't go to the movies, Twilight is an instigator of evil and on top of that I am just too busy fighting the devil."

Best Leap Day Video You Will See All Day

"Two days in a row, bitches, so I can have my birthday twice if you bitches can have an extra day in February."

Look, I can't argue with her.  Shouldn't we add Leap Day to like New Year's or sometime in the summer when the weather is tit?

If I was a millionaire and didn't have to work, I would make YouTube videos like this ALL. THE. TIME.  Just swearing my ass of and posting it on the interwebs.

-Big Ran

h/t Philly Barstool

If Anyone Wants to Fake Cancer for Profit, Go To Virginia (Then Proceeed to Hell)

Woman who faked cancer fined $100

A 42-year-old Virginia woman was fined $100 and given five years of probation for faking cancer to raise money for herself.

FREDERICKSBURG, Va., Feb. 28 (UPI) -- A 42-year-old Virginia woman was fined $100 and given five years of probation for faking cancer to raise money for herself.

Martha Ann Nicholas of Mechanicsville pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor charges of obtaining money by false pretenses, the Richmond Times-Dispatch reported.

Nicholas also was given a suspended sentence of a year in jail on each charge and ordered by Fredericksburg General District Judge John R. Stevens not to take part in any charitable causes.

Stevens accepted the plea recommended by prosecutors.

Defense attorney Sam Simpson had said earlier Nicholas had paid restitution of $1,700, the amount she collected. She had claimed at rallies she was a cancer victim.

She had been suffering from a psychosomatic condition that led her to believe she had a cancer-like illness, Simpson said.

Look, I'm no judge, jury, or executioner, but doesn't a $100 fine seem a bit light for pretending to have cancer and throwing a fundraiser for personal profit?  There's not much of a fear factor in that to dissuade people from trying that again in hopes of getting away with it.  If they want to keep the $100 fine, they should add that the person not only pays restitution to those who gave them money, but the perpetrator should have to match that amount in a donation to a local cancer charity or research fund.  Then, cancer patients get to stone them.


You know what Samuel L. Jackson would say?

-Big Ran

Happy Leap Day, Bitches!

May all your Leap Day Wishes come true!

-Big Ran

Real Talk for a Minute

Have people experienced these Naked juice Smoothies?  These things are f*cking amazing.  The only problem is that they are like four bucks a piece.  If someone offered me a unlimited lifetime supply of these things and the only catch was that I had to murder someone, I would honestly consider it.  These things are that f*cking delicious.  Look at this f*cking label:

That's a sh!t-ton of fruit.  Plus, spirulina.  SPIRULINA!!!!!!  That sh!t is so hot, spell check doesn't even know what it is.  I mean, I'm just being honest, if someone told me I had to suffocate a drifter or off someone that was into dog fighting for a lifetime supply of these, let's just say I would be making a pros and cons list before you could spell N-A-K-E-D.  I would watch a ton of Dexter, then head off to Home Depot for tarps and duct tape.

This entire post is completely irrelevant, but Naked Fruit Smoothies are real as f*ck.

-Big Ran

KC Jones' note: Um, I went through a phrase where I was like an addict with these. I think "Sprirulina" might be a code word for cocaine, as it's the only way I can explain my addiction.

Git 'Er Done!

I had the misfortune of flipping by Fox last night and catching a glimpse of white trash at its finest. I just so happened to catch it at the exact moment a Mr. Jeff Gordon's car had exploded.

Honestly, am I the only person who wonders how NASCAR can even be considered a sport? And also, am I the only person who wants to say, "I told you so!" when these soup cans on wheels burst into flames or when someone ends up getting killed? Look, I'm not the smartest person in the world, but logic dictates that driving a car that flimsy at speeds that fast around an oval shaped track with 17,000 of your closest friends/competitors is a recipe for disaster.

I don't wish anything bad on anyone (well, maybe that's a lie, but....), but I have a hard time empathizing with people who are shocked and devastated when someone bites it during a racing event. They knew what they were signing up for, and while there are people dying of cancer through no fault of their own, these idiots are putting themselves in harms way.

Hey Danica, you're smoking hot, but you're proof that beauty and brains might not exist. Women are suppose to be the mentally dominate gender....you're killing me Smalls!

-KC Jones

*Big Ran Note - Danica Patrick is the worst.

Josh Beckett is now Kenny Powers

Rob Bradford of WEEI interviewed Josh Becket and rather than attempting to make amends for a disastorous season he just slipped further and further into becoming the real life Kenny Powers.  In 2014, after his contract with the Sox is up, I can see Beckett pitching in Nicaragua complaining about people not speaking "American."

Toucher and Rich on The Sports Hub nailed it.  Josh Beckett is Kenny Powers.

The full article can be found here, but here a few highlights:

"The snitching [expletive], that's [expletive]. It's not good."

"I loved Terry Francona. At the end it got difficult for me sometimes with Tito, with him as the manager. But he didn't deserve to leave like that."

"I'm not going to apologize for being distracted. It's not going to happen."

And, perhaps the most important quote to consider …

"I wouldn't trade what I have now for three World Series rings. I wouldn't do it."

"Baseball isn't my No. 1 priority anymore," he said at that time. "Everybody goes through that change. Some people might go through that change before that even happens, but I definitely find myself thinking about [Holly and the baby] whereas a lot of times I used to be thinking about how I was going to get this guy out, or what I needed to do that day. They're my central focus.

"Maybe a couple of months into the pregnancy, it started to become real," he continued. "When you first find out you're pregnant, there are a lot of different emotions, but it's not quite real yet. But then you get a couple of months in and you go to the doctor's appointment once a month, check in on the baby, do that first ultrasound, and it becomes real then. You realize that person is going to completely depend on me and it literally wouldn't live without us. It's something I'm really looking forward to. Since the time I've wanted it, I've wanted it bad." 

I mean, he has a point, he is the first Major League Baseball player who's wife has had a baby during his playing career.

"[Expletive] happens," Beckett said. "Whether you controlled it, or you didn't control it, or you could have controlled it better. [Expletive] happens. We're human beings playing a human being sport.

F*ckin'-A, brother.  Aren't we all just human beings playing the human being game of life?  I don't come to your office and tell you you're fat from drinking beer and eating fried chicken, do I?

In the words of Kenny Powers a.k.a. Josh Becket:  "Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me.  I'm the man who has the ball, I'm the man who can throw it faster than f*ck."

This season should be fun.

-Big Ran

Stuck In My Head

Why I was singing Sister Christian in the shower this morning I will never know, but it happened.  And that's when sh!t got real.  Not really.

A couple things about this video:

1.  I was convinced that drummer was Will Ferrell.  He needs to host SNL and remake this video Blue Oyster Cult style.

2.  Those two guitarists had to be banging each other right?  Like Bowie and Jagger, dancing and doing each other's hair and stuff.

-Big Ran

And If You Don't Know, Now You Know, Kobe....Ugh....

So, prior to playing The Knicks a few weeks back, Kobe claimed to not know anything about J-Lin except to mention he had 'heard about him'.....
 And then, he too was "Lincinerated"...
 

Linsanity has and continues to sweep the nation, even throwing Kobe off his game a bit. Say what you want about Kobe, but he's always straightforward. (And he's much, much, much better than LeBron).....And why do I say that? Because he's a winner and LeBron is a loser!



                                                       Thanks to Big Ran for his prior post, inspiring me to take yet another shot at LeEgo.

-KC Jones

There's a Boat/Sex Joke Somewhere Here

Costa Concordia Blonde 'Sets Record Straight'

MyFoxDC - The blonde tour representative whose beauty allegedly sparked the sinking of the Costa Concordia gave her first newspaper interview Sunday "to set the record straight" about her relationship with the doomed ship's captain.

Domnica Cemortan said she was flirting with Captain Francesco Schettino on the bridge before the ship struck rocks Jan. 13, The Mail on Sunday reported.

The newspaper said it was possible that the smitten captain may have been trying to impress the 25 year old when the ship crashed, as early reports had suggested.

Cemortan revealed that she shared a passionate kiss with 52-year-old Schettino but denied that they were lovers.

She said, "They are acting as if I'm some sort of femme fatale, but I don't sleep around. Yes, I was very attracted to Captain Schettino, and he was clearly interested in me. I admit that I had a big crush on him because he was very good-looking and very charming."

Cemortan worked on the ship for three weeks, but when her contract ended, she bought herself a ticket for the remainder of the ill-fated cruise. She claimed that her belongings, found in Schettino's cabin, were being stored there as a temporary measure.

"I admit that I was attracted to him, but honestly, we did not have sex," Cemortan said.

However, she went on, "He was always respectful when I was a member of his staff, but once I was a passenger, then it was different. I think we probably would have ended up in bed, eventually, but I never found out because of the crash."

She maintained that the disaster, believed to have killed 32 people, was a "tragic accident" and said that people who accused Schettino of being "Captain Coward" were "looking to find someone to blame."

Schettino remains under house arrest at his home near Naples on suspicion of multiple manslaughter and abandoning ship. He faces up to 15 years in jail if convicted.

I was going to highlight certain parts by bolding them, but this short article is a hit parade of quotes.  First of all, I have seen articles that describe this tramp as "devastatingly beautiful."  Maybe we have different definitions of "devastatingly."  

That second picture is so awesome, I can't even stand it.  It looks like one of those tourist trap area things that you walk behind, stick your head through, and have your picture taken.

There's just so many winning lines in the article, but my favorites are the following:

"I admit that I was attracted to him, but honestly, we did not have sex," Cemortan said.

"Cemortan worked on the ship for three weeks, but when her contract ended, she bought herself a ticket for the remainder of the ill-fated cruise. She claimed that her belongings, found in Schettino's cabin, were being stored there as a temporary measure."

I'm thinking something about either taking the tug boat to tuna town or helping the captain sink a battleship somewhere.  I'm still not sure.  Still thinking...

She maintained that the disaster, believed to have killed 32 people, was a "tragic accident" and said that people who accused Schettino of being "Captain Coward" were "looking to find someone to blame."

This may be a wild thought, but wouldn't the captain of a sunken cruise ship be exactly the person to blame?  Just throwing that out there.

-Big Ran

Classic LeBron

Obviously this doesn't have the magnitude of the post season, or frankly, even the regular season, but consider the stage.  Once again, on a big stage, LeEgo just out does what LeEgo does...CHOKE.  Two turnovers in the waning moments of a tight game.  Then he's trying to laugh it off and smile like it doesn't matter.  I would pay to hear what Kobe was saying to him.  You think Kobe turns the ball over there?  Nope, he takes the shot.  You think Jordan turns the ball over?  Nope.

Bron, make sure you get the change, cause you never need that 4th quarter.

-Big Ran

Irrational Rant....Asymetrical Haircuts

I went down to the cafeteria at my P.O.E. today and there was this woman sitting at a table with a mess on her head. I know I need to clarify what I mean by this statement. She was sitting there with one side of her hair long (kind of) and the other side short (like a boy). I did a triple take because I wasn't sure if I was seeing things.

A few things:

First of all, she was not attractive at all, so this made her hairdo that much more important. When a woman has beautiful facial features, they can shave their head and still be beautiful. I'm not advocating that decision, but I'm simply stating a fact. Sadly for this troll like creature, that was not the case. She wasn't helping her own cause at all.

Secondly, how hard is it to commit to SOME form a symmetrical hair cut? Even if someone does a cut that's shorter in the back and then longer in the front, that's still much better than two completely different looks- one on each side of the head. It's like a personality disorder for the scalp. There are a million things people can do with their hair, and this should never be a viable option.

Finally, who is responsible for giving this sort of cut? If it's a licensed stylist, that license should be revoked immediately. Maybe she has children and one of them got to her hair while she was sleeping. If that's the case, the offending offspring should be put up for adoption ASAP. Maybe the woman did it to herself as it clearly required no skill whatsoever. Honestly,  each side didn't even look good on it's own.

I wonder if someone told her it would look good---and I wonder if she thinks it looks good, because it doesn't. Perhaps I should pick up a few copies of this book and keep it around the office.

 -KC Jones

Tracey Gold Thinks You Have a Problem

I saw about an hour of the Oscars last night and besides being bored out of my mind, I was utterly distracted by Angelina Jolie.  Not because she was bringing the heat, but because her f*cking elbows were so distracting. First of all, she saunters up to the mic like everyone really wants to see her, then she waits for the applause when she sticks her leg out of her dress.  Hey sweetheart, why don't you put that leg away and eat something.  When your elbows are, by far, the widest part of your arm, you've got a problem.  Also, it wouldn't hurt if you actually went out in the sun once in a while.  Maybe it's just been to long since her last adoption trip to Africa.  Bitch would turn to ashes in the sun, I think.

PS:  Tracey Gold called and you're making her feel fat.  Cut it out.

-Big Ran

Stuck in My Head....

Happy Monday Takeover Readers!

First of all, I have to say that this song has been stuck in my head for DAYS. This is problematic as it's completely inappropriate for 98% of situations. So, there is no accidentally singing some of the lyrics out loud. What makes it even better is when I went to search for it on youtube, the clip below is one of the first that was listed. Please take a look and then enjoy my commentary.


First of all, notice at the 2 second mark; Phil Donahue has presented them. I did some research and saw that this is footage from their performance on The Phil Donahue Show! Remember that? Why were they on that? Way to get some MAJOR street cred Phil! Do you!

The first 25 seconds are just awesome. No real idea what is going on there- 2 Live Crew walking around aimlessly on stage rapping with HUGE smiles on their faces, girls with them looking like they belong at a college football game near the marching band...and best of all.....middle aged white men just sitting on the stage. The first look at the audience is priceless (second 22 in particular--look at this dude, he's got nothing). Was this a sneak attack or did they know this performance was coming?

The 25 second mark is classic as one of our Crew  has apparently been injured and has his arm in a sling....and more of the spirit squad is running down the aisle of the audience shaking like they are having seizures. There is just no order to this and I'm not sure what the "2 Live Crew Juror" was all about at the 1:07 mark, but I think she definitely looked like she was enjoying this.

Please pay attention to the lyrics, I'm not sure how anyone could rap or sing anything like this with a straight face...picture it; I mean, can you imagine the producer when the official recording was going on in studio. I can just hear it now; "ok, cut, let's take it from 'd*ck tricks, go round and round'"...what?!

1:33- This woman does not look like she's enjoying it as much as Beverly was (the juror)..... in fact, she looks kind of evil. Maybe she's mad she wasn't invited to sit on the stage? Or maybe she wanted to be one of the dancers? One can only wonder....

1:43- Seriously, just pause this moment and look at their faces. This is definitely the craziest experience these two rednecks have EVER had in their lives. After this performance, they immediately went out and purchased mixers and traded in their mullets for cornrows. I have no doubt. They MIGHT have even relocated to 8 Mile.

1:49- How are these women even still alive? They must have pretty strong hearts to have not dropped dead from the shock and awe campaign The Crew brought with them. They also don't seem as joyful as Beverly, but they also don't seem as hateful as our friend at the 1:33 mark.

1:50-1:53- Making friends with the middle aged white men on stage. Smart move as I'm sure that at the end of the day, they were all in agreement that face down and a$$ up was the preferred position.

I just wanted to share this. 2 Live Crew's music was epic, ground-breaking, and still, some of the filthiest stuff in existence. I mean, honestly, put the most vulgar stuff today up against this stuff and it's not even a competition. I think the ONLY dude who MIGHT have them beat is our boy Eazy-E. Love it. We're so hood here at The Takeover, so we celebrate their entire collection. For a good time, I suggest everyone go and do their own research to learn all about the magic of The Crew.

Hollla!

-KC Jones


*Fun Fact: Luther Campbell, aka, "Uncle Luke", leader of "2 Live Crew" ran for mayor of Miami-Dade County last year. I would have voted for him.

*Big Ran Note:  I would like to know the 2% of the time when these lyrics are appropriate for KC to use.  

View more videos at: http://nbcmiami.com.

Is This Person Good Looking?

I used to be all about Eva Mendes....thought she was beautiful. However, over the past year or so, I've caught of few shots of her where she looks like a tranny......So, I'll leave it to our readers...Hot or Not?

The answer is clear here: Hot!

This month's "Marie Claire" Cover: Tranny?

Sometimes she reminds me of this....

Honestly, I don't know if it's the way she's made up sometimes or what, but there are just certain times when her features are so severe and her makeup is so over the top that she looks like she might be a he. I think the bottom line is this; less is more. The less makeup/hair/etc, the better for her.

-KC Jones

*Big Ran Note:  I could not disagree any more.  If you don't think Eva Mendes is a dime, then you are outside of your mind.  I am going on the assumption that this is just retaliation for me hating Maroon 5 and thinking Adam Levine loves to roofie women and hobos.

Umm, I don't see any extra tranny parts here, KC.

Adam Levine couldn't get Eva Mendes with a Tupperware container full of GHB and a net.  

International Man Hunt 101

A man nicknamed the "runaway millionaire" has been bailed to an Auckland address.

Leo Gao, 31, allegedly fled to China after $10 million was mistakenly deposited into his Westpac bank account in 2009.

He applied for electronically-monitored bail at the High Court at Auckland today.

Justice Murray Gilbert granted Gao bail to an Avondale address, with a number of conditions including a 24-hour curfew.

Details of the legal arguments were suppressed by the Court.

Gao was arrested crossing from China to Hong Kong in September, after a two-and-a-half year investigation into the alleged theft.

He is to face 16 charges of theft and two of money laundering.

A Westpac employee deposited $10 million into his account in April 2009, rather than the $100,000 he applied for.

The overdraft was to be used to keep his Rotorua service station afloat.

Gao allegedly transferred almost $6.8m of the cash into several accounts and skipped the country, followed by this partner Kara Hurring.

Following an international man-hunt, Geo was arrested and returned to New Zealand in December.

Hurring was arrested when she re-entered New Zealand in February last year.

She has been charged with 28 counts of theft, two counts of money laundering and two counts of attempting to use a document, in Auckland, Macau and Hong Kong.

Gao is not allowed to associated with the co-accussed, Hurring.

Almost $3.8 million of the missing money was still outstanding.

Defence lawyer Ron Mansfield represented Gao, who was excused from appearing at the High Court bail hearing today.

Under electronic monitoring an alarm would sound if Gao left his proposed bail address without warning authorities.

A family friend of Gao put her house up for security on his bail.

The prosecution lawyer opposed bail.

First of all, Leo didn't steal the money, the bank screwed up and put it in his account.  Case dismissed.  Trust me, if some bank employee decides to deposit $10 million in my account, I am gone so fast it would make your head spin.  Step one, take out suit cases full of cash.  Step two, deposit the rest into accounts that the US Government can't touch.  Step three, flee to a country with extradition to the US.  Step four, ball like a mutha f*cka.  I mean ball so hard ma f*ckas wanna find me, but first they gotta find me.

Let's take a look at the countries without extradition to the US, shall we?

Bhutan 
Botswana 
Brunei 
Burkina Faso 
Burundi 
Cambodia 
Cameroon 
Cape Verde 
Central African Republic 
Chad 
China 
Comoros 
Djibouti 
Equatorial Guinea 
Ethiopia 
Gabon 
Guinea 
Guinea Bissau 
Indonesia 
Iran 
Ivory Coast 
Jordan 
Kuwait 
Laos 
Lebanon 
Libya 
Madagascar 
Mali 
Maldives 
Mauritania 
Mongolia 
Morocco 
Mozambique 
Nepal 
Niger 
Oman 
Qatar 
Russia 
Rwanda 
Samoa 
Sao Tome e Principe 
Saudi Arabia 
Senegal 
Somalia 
Sudan 
Syria 
Togo 
Tunisia 
Uganda 
United Arab Emirates 
Vanuatu 
Vietnam 
Yemen 
Yemen South 
Zaire

OK, let's be honest, that's a tough list right there.  China could be good because at least they have some very international and cosmopolitan cities.  Jordan, Kuwait, Qatar, and the UAE could probably be pretty good, I'll scout them when I go for work in April.

Um, Maldives looks kind of OK:

So, there you have it.  If I find $10M in bank account, come visit me in Maldives, because I ain't making the same mistake as Leo and trying to cross boarders.

Go to the 40 second mark where the hotness begins.  Ballin' like crazy at Papa Gino's...

-Big Ran